The Pickwick Papers
Mrs. Cluppins, much struck by Mr. Weller’s appearance and conversation.
‘Certainly not,’ chimed in Mrs. Sanders, who, from certain wistful
glances at the little tin saucepan, seemed to be engaged in a mental
calculation of the probable extent of the pettitoes, in the event of
Sam’s being asked to stop to supper.
‘So all I’ve come about, is jest this here,’ said Sam, disregarding the
interruption; ‘first, to give my governor’s notice--there it is.
Secondly, to pay the rent--here it is. Thirdly, to say as all his things
is to be put together, and give to anybody as we sends for ‘em.
Fourthly, that you may let the place as soon as you like--and that’s
all.’
‘Whatever has happened,’ said Mrs. Bardell, ‘I always have said, and
always will say, that in every respect but one, Mr. Pickwick has always
behaved himself like a perfect gentleman. His money always as good as
the bank--always.’
As Mrs. Bardell said this, she applied her handkerchief to her eyes, and
went out of the room to get the receipt.
Sam well knew that he had only to remain quiet, and the women were sure
to talk; so he looked alternately at the tin saucepan, the toasted
cheese, the wall, and the ceiling, in profound silence.
‘Poor dear!’ said Mrs. Cluppins.
‘Ah, poor thing!’ replied Mrs. Sanders.
Sam said nothing. He saw they were coming to the subject.
‘I raly cannot contain myself,’ said Mrs. Cluppins, ‘when I think of
such perjury. I don’t wish to say anything to make you uncomfortable,
young man, but your master’s an old brute, and I wish I had him here to
tell him so.’
I wish you had,’ said Sam.
‘To see how dreadful she takes on, going moping about, and taking no
pleasure in nothing, except when her friends comes in, out of charity,
to sit with her, and make her comfortable,’ resumed Mrs. Cluppins,
glancing at the tin saucepan and the Dutch oven, ‘it’s shocking!’
‘Barbareous,’ said Mrs. Sanders.
‘And your master, young man! A gentleman with money, as could never feel
the expense of a wife, no more than nothing,’ continued Mrs. Cluppins,
with great volubility; ‘why there ain’t the faintest shade of an excuse
for his behaviour! Why don’t he marry her?’
‘Ah,’ said Sam, ‘to be sure; that’s the question.’
‘Question, indeed,’ retorted Mrs. Cluppins, ‘she’d question him, if
she’d my spirit. Hows’ever, there is law for us women, mis’rable
creeturs as they’d make us, if they could; and that your master will
find out, young man, to his cost, afore he’s six months older.’
At this consolatory reflection, Mrs. Cluppins bridled up, and smiled at
Mrs. Sanders, who smiled back again.
‘The action’s going on, and no mistake,’ thought Sam, as Mrs. Bardell
re-entered with the receipt.
‘Here’s the receipt, Mr. Weller,’ said Mrs. Bardell, ‘and here’s the
change, and I hope you’ll take a little drop of something to keep the
cold out, if it’s only for old acquaintance’ sake, Mr. Weller.’
Sam saw the advantage he should gain, and at once acquiesced; whereupon
Mrs. Bardell produced, from a small closet, a black bottle and a wine-
glass; and so great was her abstraction, in her deep mental affliction,
that, after filling Mr. Weller’s glass, she brought out three more wine-
glasses, and filled them too.
‘Lauk, Mrs. Bardell,’ said Mrs. Cluppins, ‘see what you’ve been and
done!’
‘Well, that is a good one!’ ejaculated Mrs. Sanders.
‘Ah, my poor head!’ said Mrs. Bardell, with a faint smile.
Sam understood all this, of course, so he said at once, that he never
could drink before supper, unless a lady drank with him. A great deal of
laughter ensued, and Mrs. Sanders volunteered to humour him, so she took
a slight sip out of her glass. Then Sam said it must go all round, so
they all took a slight sip. Then little Mrs. Cluppins proposed as a
toast, ‘Success to Bardell agin Pickwick’; and then the ladies emptied
their glasses in honour of the sentiment, and got very talkative
directly.
‘I suppose you’ve heard what’s going forward, Mr. Weller?’ said Mrs.
Bardell.
‘I’ve heerd somethin’ on it,’ replied Sam.
‘It’s a terrible thing to be dragged before the public, in that way, Mr.
Weller,’ said Mrs. Bardell; ‘but I see now, that it’s the only thing I
ought to do, and my lawyers, Mr. Dodson and Fogg, tell me that, with the
evidence as we shall call, we must succeed. I don’t know what I should
do, Mr. Weller, if I didn’t.’
The mere idea of Mrs. Bardell’s failing in her action, affected Mrs.
Sanders so deeply, that she was under the necessity of refilling and re-
emptying her glass immediately; feeling, as she said afterwards, that if
she hadn’t had the presence of mind to do so, she must have dropped.
‘Ven is it expected to come on?’ inquired Sam.
‘Either in February or March,’ replied Mrs. Bardell.
‘What a number of witnesses there’ll be, won’t there?’ said Mrs.
Cluppins.
‘Ah! won’t there!’ replied Mrs. Sanders.
‘And won’t Mr. Dodson and Fogg be wild if the plaintiff shouldn’t get
it?’ added Mrs. Cluppins, ‘when they do it all on speculation!’
‘Ah! won’t they!’ said Mrs. Sanders.
‘But the plaintiff must get it,’ resumed Mrs. Cluppins.
‘I hope so,’ said Mrs. Bardell.
‘Oh, there can’t be any doubt about it,’ rejoined Mrs. Sanders.
‘Vell,’ said Sam, rising and setting down his glass, ‘all I can say is,
that I vish you _may _get it.’
‘Thank’ee, Mr. Weller,’ said Mrs. Bardell fervently.
‘And of them Dodson and Foggs, as does these sort o’ things on spec,’
continued Mr. Weller, ‘as vell as for the other kind and gen’rous people
o’ the same purfession, as sets people by the ears, free gratis for
nothin’, and sets their clerks to work to find out little disputes among
their neighbours and acquaintances as vants settlin’ by means of
lawsuits--all I can say o’ them is, that I vish they had the reward I’d
give ‘em.’
‘Ah, I wish they had the reward that every kind and generous heart would
be inclined to bestow upon them!’ said the gratified Mrs. Bardell.
‘Amen to that,’ replied Sam, ‘and a fat and happy liven’ they’d get out
of it! Wish you good-night, ladies.’
To the great relief of Mrs. Sanders, Sam was allowed to depart without
any reference, on the part of the hostess, to the pettitoes and toasted
cheese; to which the ladies, with such juvenile assistance as Master
Bardell could afford, soon afterwards rendered the amplest justice--
indeed they wholly vanished before their strenuous exertions.
Mr. Weller wended his way back to the George and Vulture, and faithfully
recounted to his master, such indications of the sharp practice of
Dodson & Fogg, as he had contrived to pick up in his visit to Mrs.
Bardell’s. An interview with Mr. Perker, next day, more than confirmed
Mr. Weller’s statement; and Mr. Pickwick was fain to prepare for his
Christmas visit to Dingley Dell, with the pleasant anticipation that
some two or three months afterwards, an action brought against him for
damages sustained by reason of a breach of promise of marriage, would be
publicly tried in the Court of Common Pleas; the plaintiff having all
the advantages derivable, not only from the force of circumstances, but
from the sharp practice of Dodson & Fogg to boot.
CHAPTER XXVII. SAMUEL WELLER MAKES A PILGRIMAGE TO DORKING, AND BEHOLDS
HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW
There still remaining an interval of two days before the time agreed
upon for the departure of the Pickwickians to Dingley Dell, Mr. Weller
sat himself down in a back room at the George and Vulture, after eating
an early dinner, to muse on the best way of disposing of his time. It
was a remarkably fine day; and he had not turned the matter over in his
mind ten minutes, when he was suddenly stricken filial and affectionate;
and it occurred to him so strongly that he ought to go down and see his
father, and pay his duty to his mother-in-law, that he was lost in
astonishment at his own remissness in never thinking of this moral
obligation before. Anxious to atone for his past neglect without another
hour’s delay, he straightway walked upstairs to Mr. Pickwick, and
requested leave of absence for this laudable purpose.
‘Certainly, Sam, certainly,’ said Mr. Pickwick, his eyes glistening with
delight at this manifestation of filial feeling on the part of his
attendant; ‘certainly, Sam.’
Mr. Weller made a grateful bow.
‘I am very glad to see that you have so high a sense of your duties as a
son, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘I always had, sir,’ replied Mr. Weller.
‘That’s a very gratifying reflection, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick
approvingly.
‘Wery, Sir,’ replied Mr. Weller; ‘if ever I wanted anythin’ o’ my
father, I always asked for it in a wery ‘spectful and obligin’ manner.
If he didn’t give it me, I took it, for fear I should be led to do
anythin’ wrong, through not havin’ it. I saved him a world o’ trouble
this vay, Sir.’
‘That’s not precisely what I meant, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick, shaking his
head, with a slight smile.
‘All good feelin’, sir--the wery best intentions, as the gen’l’m’n said
ven he run away from his wife ‘cos she seemed unhappy with him,’ replied
Mr. Weller.
‘You may go, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Thank’ee, Sir,’ replied Mr. Weller; and having made his best bow, and
put on his best clothes, Sam planted himself on the top of the Arundel
coach, and journeyed on to Dorking.
The Marquis of Granby, in Mrs. Weller’s time, was quite a model of a
roadside public-house of the better class--just large enough to be
convenient, and small enough to be snug. On the opposite side of the
road was a large sign-board on a high post, representing the head and
shoulders of a gentleman with an apoplectic countenance, in a red coat
with deep blue facings, and a touch of the same blue over his three-
cornered hat, for a sky. Over that again were a pair of flags; beneath
the last button of his coat were a couple of cannon; and the whole
formed an expressive and undoubted likeness of the Marquis of Granby of
glorious memory. The bar window displayed a choice collection of
geranium plants, and a well-dusted row of spirit phials. The open
shutters bore a variety of golden inscriptions, eulogistic of good beds
and neat wines; and the choice group of countrymen and hostlers lounging
about the stable door and horse-trough, afforded presumptive proof of
the excellent quality of the ale and spirits which were sold within. Sam
Weller paused, when he dismounted from the coach, to note all these
little indications of a thriving business, with the eye of an
experienced traveller; and having done so, stepped in at once, highly
satisfied with everything he had observed.
‘Now, then!’ said a shrill female voice the instant Sam thrust his head
in at the door, ‘what do you want, young man?’
Sam looked round in the direction whence the voice proceeded. It came
from a rather stout lady of comfortable appearance, who was seated
beside the fireplace in the bar, blowing the fire to make the kettle
boil for tea. She was not alone; for on the other side of the fireplace,
sitting bolt upright in a high-backed chair, was a man in threadbare
black clothes, with a back almost as long and stiff as that of the chair
itself, who caught Sam’s most particular and especial attention at once.
He was a prim-faced, red-nosed man, with a long, thin countenance, and a
semi-rattlesnake sort of eye--rather sharp, but decidedly bad. He wore
very short trousers, and black cotton stockings, which, like the rest of
his apparel, were particularly rusty. His looks were starched, but his
white neckerchief was not, and its long limp ends straggled over his
closely-buttoned waistcoat in a very uncouth and unpicturesque fashion.
A pair of old, worn, beaver gloves, a broad-brimmed hat, and a faded
green umbrella, with plenty of whalebone sticking through the bottom, as