The Small House at Allington
of his grievance, and bid the evil one depart from out of his house.
But such exorcism is not to be used when the sorrow has come from a
man's own folly and sin;--especially not if it has come from his own
selfishness. Such are the cases which make men drink; which drive
them on to the avoidance of all thought; which create gamblers and
reckless prodigals; which are the promoters of suicide. How could he
avoid writing this letter to Lily? He might blow his brains out, and
so let there be an end of it all. It was to such reflections that he
came, when he sat himself down endeavouring to reap satisfaction from
his promotion.
But Crosbie was not a man to commit suicide. In giving him his due I
must protest that he was too good for that. He knew too well that a
pistol-bullet could not be the be-all and the end-all here, and there
was too much manliness in him for so cowardly an escape. The burden
must be borne. But how was he to bear it? There he sat till it was
two o'clock, neglecting Mr. Butterwell and his office papers, and
not stirring from his seat till a messenger summoned him before the
Board. The Board, as he entered the room, was not such a Board as
the public may, perhaps, imagine such Boards to be. There was a
round table, with a few pens lying about, and a comfortable leathern
arm-chair at the side of it, farthest from the door. Sir Raffle
Buffle was leaving his late colleagues, and was standing with his
back to the fire-place, talking very loudly. Sir Raffle was a great
bully, and the Board was uncommonly glad to be rid of him; but as
this was to be his last appearance at the Committee Office, they
submitted to his voice meekly. Mr. Butterwell was standing close to
him, essaying to laugh mildly at Sir Raffle's jokes. A little man,
hardly more than five feet high, with small but honest-looking eyes,
and close-cut hair, was standing behind the arm-chair, rubbing his
hands together, and longing for the departure of Sir Raffle, in order
that he might sit down. This was Mr. Optimist, the new chairman,
in praise of whose appointment the Daily Jupiter had been so loud,
declaring that the present Minister was showing himself superior
to all Ministers who had ever gone before him, in giving promotion
solely on the score of merit. The Daily Jupiter, a fortnight since,
had published a very eloquent article, strongly advocating the claims
of Mr. Optimist, and was naturally pleased to find that its advice
had been taken. Has not an obedient Minister a right to the praise of
those powers which he obeys?
[ILLUSTRATION: The Board.]
Mr. Optimist was, in truth, an industrious little gentleman, very
well connected, who had served the public all his life, and who was,
at any rate, honest in his dealings. Nor was he a bully, such as his
predecessor. It might, however, be a question whether he carried
guns enough for the command in which he was now to be employed.
There was but one other member of the Board, Major Fiasco by name,
a discontented, broken-hearted, silent man, who had been sent to
the General Committee Office some few years before because he was
not wanted anywhere else. He was a man who had intended to do great
things when he entered public life, and had possessed the talent
and energy for things moderately great. He had also possessed to a
certain extent the ear of those high in office; but, in some way,
matters had not gone well with him, and in running his course he had
gone on the wrong side of the post. He was still in the prime of
life, and yet all men knew that Major Fiasco had nothing further to
expect from the public or from the Government. Indeed, there were not
wanting those who said that Major Fiasco was already in receipt of a
liberal income, for which he gave no work in return; that he merely
filled a chair for four hours a day four or five days a week, signing
his name to certain forms and documents, reading, or pretending to
read, certain papers, but, in truth, doing no good. Major Fiasco, on
the other hand, considered himself to be a deeply injured individual,
and he spent his life in brooding over his wrongs. He believed now
in nothing and in nobody. He had begun public life striving to be
honest, and he now regarded all around him as dishonest. He had no
satisfaction in any man other than that which he found when some
event would show to him that this or that other compeer of his own
had proved himself to be self-interested, false, or fraudulent.
"Don't tell me, Butterwell," he would say--for with Mr. Butterwell
he maintained some semi-official intimacy, and he would take that
gentleman by the button-hole, holding him close. "Don't tell me. I
know what men are. I've seen the world. I've been looking at things
with my eyes open. I knew what he was doing." And then he would
tell of the sly deed of some official known well to them both, not
denouncing it by any means, but affecting to take it for granted
that the man in question was a rogue. Butterwell would shrug his
shoulders, and laugh gently, and say that, upon his word, he didn't
think the world so bad as Fiasco made it out to be.
Nor did he; for Butterwell believed in many things. He believed
in his Putney villa on this earth, and he believed also that he
might achieve some sort of Putney villa in the world beyond without
undergoing present martyrdom. His Putney villa first, with all its
attendant comforts, and then his duty to the public afterwards. It
was thus that Mr. Butterwell regulated his conduct; and as he was
solicitous that the villa should be as comfortable a home to his wife
as to himself, and that it should be specially comfortable to his
friends, I do not think that we need quarrel with his creed.
Mr. Optimist believed in everything, but especially he believed in
the Prime Minister, in the Daily Jupiter, in the General Committee
Office, and in himself. He had long thought that everything was
nearly right; but now that he himself was chairman at the General
Committee Office, he was quite sure that everything must be right.
In Sir Raffle Buffle, indeed, he had never believed; and now it was,
perhaps, the greatest joy of his life that he should never again be
called upon to hear the tones of that terrible knight's hated voice.
Seeing who were the components of the new Board, it may be presumed
that Crosbie would look forward to enjoying a not uninfluential
position in his office. There were, indeed, some among the clerks who
did not hesitate to say that the new secretary would have it pretty
nearly all his own way. As for "Old Opt," there would be, they said,
no difficulty about him. Only tell him that such and such a decision
was his own, and he would be sure to believe the teller. Butterwell
was not fond of work, and had been accustomed to lean upon Crosbie
for many years. As for Fiasco, he would be cynical in words, but
wholly indifferent in deed. If the whole office were made to go to
the mischief, Fiasco, in his own grim way, would enjoy the confusion.
"Wish you joy, Crosbie," said Sir Raffle, standing up on the rug,
waiting for the new secretary to go up to him and shake hands. But
Sir Raffle was going, and the new secretary did not indulge him.
"Thank ye, Sir Raffle," said Crosbie, without going near the rug.
"Mr. Crosbie, I congratulate you most sincerely," said Mr. Optimist.
"Your promotion has been the result altogether of your own merit. You
have been selected for the high office which you are now called upon
to fill solely because it has been thought that you are the most
fit man to perform the onerous duties attached to it. Hum--h-m--ha.
As regards my share in the recommendation which we found ourselves
bound to submit to the Treasury, I must say that I never felt less
hesitation in my life, and I believe I may declare as much as regards
the other members of the Board." And Mr. Optimist looked around
him for approving words. He had come forward from his standing
ground behind his chair to welcome Crosbie, and had shaken his hand
cordially. Fiasco also had risen from his seat, and had assured
Crosbie in a whisper that he had feathered his nest uncommon well.
Then he had sat down again.
"Indeed you may, as far as I am concerned," said Butterwell.
"I told the Chancellor of the Exchequer," said Sir Raffle, speaking
very loud and with much authority, "that unless he had some
first-rate man to send from elsewhere I could name a fitting
candidate. 'Sir Raffle,' he said, 'I mean to keep it in the office,
and therefore shall be glad of your opinion.' 'In that case, Mr.
Chancellor,' said I, 'Mr. Crosbie must be the man.' 'Mr. Crosbie
shall be the man,' said the Chancellor. And Mr. Crosbie is the man."
"Your friend Sark spoke to Lord Brock about it," said Fiasco. Now the
Earl of Sark was a young nobleman of much influence at the present
moment, and Lord Brock was the Prime Minister. "You should thank Lord
Sark."
"Had as much to do with it as if my footman had spoken," said Sir
Raffle.
"I am very much obliged to the Board for their good opinion," said
Crosbie, gravely. "I am obliged to Lord Sark as well,--and also to
your footman, Sir Raffle, if, as you seem to say, he has interested
himself in my favour."
"I didn't say anything of the kind," said Sir Raffle. "I thought
it right to make you understand that it was my opinion, given, of
course, officially, which prevailed with the Chancellor of the
Exchequer. Well, gentlemen, as I shall be wanted in the city, I will
say good morning to you. Is my carriage ready, Boggs?" Upon which the
attendant messenger opened the door, and the great Sir Raffle Buffle
took his final departure from the scene of his former labours.
"As to the duties of your new office"--and Mr. Optimist continued his
speech, taking no other notice of the departure of his enemy than
what was indicated by an increased brightness of his eye and a more
satisfactory tone of voice--"you will find yourself quite familiar
with them."
"Indeed he will," said Butterwell.
"And I am quite sure that you will perform them with equal credit
to yourself, satisfaction to the department, and advantage to the
public. We shall always be glad to have your opinion on any subject
of importance that may come before us; and as regards the internal
discipline of the office, we feel that we may leave it safely in your
hands. In any matter of importance you will, of course, consult us,
and I feel very confident that we shall go on together with great
comfort and with mutual confidence." Then Mr. Optimist looked at his
brother commissioners, sat down in his arm-chair, and taking in his
hands some papers before him, began the routine business of the day.
It was nearly five o'clock when, on this special occasion, the
secretary returned from the board-room to his own office. Not for
a moment had the weight been off his shoulders while Sir Raffle
had been bragging or Mr. Optimist making his speech. He had been
thinking, not of them, but of Lily Dale; and though they had not
discovered his thoughts, they had perceived that he was hardly like
himself.
"I never saw a man so little elated by good fortune in my life," said
Mr. Optimist.
"Ah, he's got something on his mind," said Butterwell. "He's going to
be married, I believe."
"If that's the case, it's no wonder he shouldn't be elated," said
Major Fiasco, who was himself a bachelor.
When in his own room again, Crosbie at once seized on a sheet of
note-paper, as though by hurrying himself on with it he could get
that letter to Allington written. But though the paper was before
him, and the pen in his hand, the letter did not, would not, get
itself written. With what words was he to begin it? To whom should it
be written? How was he to declare himself the villain which he had