The sociable ghost Being the adventures of a reporter who was invited by the sociable ghost to a grand banquet, ball, and convention under the ground of old Trinity churchyard. A true tale of the things he saw and did not see while he was not there.
knew what ever really became of her body. It did not interest us, as she
was an upstart who had brought all sorts of evils upon my country. She
is doubtless dust and ashes two thousand years ago. She was greatly
overrated, and was nowhere near so beautiful as she has been considered.
I belonged to the first dynasty, though there had been many kings and
queens before me. My tomb was like those of the first royal ladies of my
line. I had never been married—nor had I reigned, so according to usage,
my tomb and sarcophagus were plain, save for the paintings on them to
tell who I was. One day some vandals came and rifled my tomb and took my
mummy case, and brought it to this country and put me in the museum in a
glass case, and you have no idea how angry it makes me to have to
squeeze out. May the jackals eat their bones, and leave no two of them
together, so they will never find them in this world or the other and
may wild beasts tear their children, and leave the mothers desolate, and
raze their dwellings, and may their babes starve to death, and may they
all die crying for water—”
How much longer this would have continued the newspaper man did not
know, but he began to feel most uncomfortable, for one of these very
collectors of mummies was his own father, and if he had not brought his
particular one he had brought two others. He began to want to go home,
but he tried to look sympathetic, and as if he had never heard of such
terrible things as stealing mummies before. She continued:
“Yes; I am lady Shep, and when I was mummified these lines were put upon
my case. Not everybody knows about them, but I will tell you. First,
there was a line of text, and this is what it says:
“Royal offering of Osiris Unifer (the good being), great lord god of
Abydos, may he give every good thing, libations to the Ka (Double) of
the Osiris, the lady of the house, the honorable Shep (justified).’ This
means that I lay a day and a night in the underground temple in the arms
of Memnon, and all the good deeds I had done were weighed, and when they
were found to be more than the evil ones I was justified. On the other
side was this inscription: “The worthy mistress and daughter of Ru-ru,
Justified; her mother was the lady of the house, Tarerust, Justified,
and worthy.’ On the left is another with the goddess Maat, and there are
other gods and goddesses, all saying that Shep, the lady of the house,
is justified and worthy of a place among the illustrious dead. We did
not have to go under the same peculiar conditions as do you who have a
different way of burial and belief. Perhaps because our bodies are made
imperishable we come under another division. I cannot tell, but this I
know, I slept peacefully when I should and did no harm when I came out
at the command, and then the explorers as they call them, came and took
me from my country so far away that I shall never see it more.”
“Is there no way by which you could go back?” asked the young man,
touched by her sorrow.
“No: for the scientific men would never let me go. Because my mummy case
is the best one they have, and I am told that men of science have no
honor and no feeling where it concerns the despoiling of tombs, whether
they be of our people, or the red Indians who have built mounds or the
Mexicans, or the old Peruvians. And, besides, we ghosts cannot cross the
ocean in spirit form unless our bones go too.”
“May I ask why?” questioned the young man, really distressed by what he
heard, and now understood as he could not have done a day, even a few
hours before.
“Because the spirit is an essence, and the cold of the water chills it,
and renders it powerless to float, and so I can never behold the dear
country of my birth again.”
“What if I stole your mummy from the museum and took it back to Egypt?”
said the young man, carried away by sympathy.
“We have often talked of just such a contingency nights up there, and we
all agreed that if ever we did find any one who was willing to try, he
might be beheaded after unheard-of tortures by the authorities of the
museum, but if one could succeed we would make him the richest man in
the world. We know many secrets. What if I told you that I know where
the kings of the first and second dynasties got their gold and precious
stones? I know where kings of the second dynasty got emeralds in such
profusion that we scarcely cared for them. I was dead then, but I
suppose that a woman never quite loses her interest in gems. I could
take you to a place where you could get all the finest emeralds that you
could carry.”
This particularly appealed to him as the emerald was his birth stone,
according to the astrologers, and besides he liked them better than any
other. He remembered also that emeralds were the fashionable stones for
the time, and that a fine emerald was worth more than a diamond of the
same size. Therefore he was impressed.
He asked her when he could see her again and she answered that it must
be just one whole year before she could come out of her sarcophagus in
visible form, and when he wanted to try to communicate with her spirit
she told him that such a thing was impossible, and had never been done
by any spirit that ever floated. But he could come to the museum a year
from then and manage somehow to stay in the building over night, and
they could then discuss the situation, and see if some way could not be
found by which she could be returned to her country. The young man
thought if he could manage to get enough of this wealth of jewels to
handle he could find some way to buy up the attendants. But he felt
delicate about speaking of such a plan, for fear she would not
understand that he didn’t dare anything so dangerous without having
money enough to silence all scruples of the night watchmen. He also
thought to himself that probably no other man living had ever made two
appointments like the two he had made this night; one to bring the good
natured ghost a bottle of rum and a package of tobacco, and another with
a mummy in a museum to make arrangements to steal her and carry her back
to Egypt. It was enough to make one’s hair stand on end. He thought he
might be able to fix it with the ghost so that he could deposit the
things in some safe place, because he felt that the affair with the
princess was the more important. He was about to discuss the plan more
fully when the grand march ended and the floor manager shouted:
The dance and cake walk
“There will now be given a selection of the newest songs, such as are
sung in the theaters above ground. You are requested to listen quietly,
or if you must talk let it be in whispers, for it is very disconcerting
for a singer to be interrupted by conversation during the time he is
trying to amuse you.”
The invisible band began to play and a man stepped out in the middle of
the floor, while all the others formed a circle around him. They were so
many that no one could have counted them, and all kept an expectant
attitude, so that the words just uttered seemed quite unnecessary. As the
music continued he was astonished to find that it was a rag-time dance
and “coon song” combined just as he had seen only a few days ago in one
of the theaters. As the man sang this the whole assembly took it quite
seriously and applauded him with the rhythmic regularity of a theatrical
claque, and then the same ghost bowed with a certain grace and to a
persistent encore he stepped forward and began a cake walk, accompanied
by a song about kissing your baby. The whole thing was so ludicrous that
he nearly had a fit in trying not to laugh. He dared not give way to
mirth, for they all seemed to take the matter so seriously that he was
not sure as to what might happen to him. The princess was quite amused
by this song and dance, and after the applause was over he asked her if
she would like to dance, and she replied that none but slaves danced in
her country, and they did so simply to amuse their owners. He was still
under the stimulus of suppressed laughter and regarded the invitation as
a good joke, but he would have changed his mind if she had not said
sweetly:
“Of course you could not know it, but princesses could not so demean
themselves.”
“I beg your most noble highness to pardon my ignorance. I will not
offend again.” Then to change the subject he said hastily: “I saw some
Egyptians dance at Chicago, at the exposition, and also at Buffalo, and
I suppose the slaves danced much like that in your day. They say that
customs change little in those old places—that is—ah—in regard to such
pastimes—” stammered the young man suddenly conscious that her painted
eyes were flashing fire. She said haughtily:
“Do you refer to the dance called couchee-couchee? If you do, I will say
that any slave that tried that on us of the old times would be short on
heads so soon that she would not know what had happened to her.” Then in
a tone of disgust, she continued as if to herself:
“Now wouldn't that rock you to sleep?”
The manner in which this was said left no doubt in the mind of the young
man that he had made a mistake, and he tried to pull himself together
and said lamely:
“How did your illustrious highness learn to speak English so well? Why,
you even seem to have learned our idioms.”
“I have not lain in that museum so long for nothing, and all day and
everyday there are men and women sitting around and snooping into things
that do not concern them in the least. I cannot help hearing them, and
their English is more remarkable for force than elegance, as you
doubtless know. Now, in my time there was no difference between the
language of the people and the slaves. We had a shorter vocabulary, and
its very simplicity has made it possible for those who like to study
into these things to read it.
“We were satisfied with what we had, but it seems to me that you are
always seeking after new expressions, and I must say that I think our
way was best. Yet, I find myself contaminated by the ungrammatical
conversation of the throngs who frequent the place where I must stay.
But unpleasant as that is, it is as nothing beside the conversation of
the people who think they know it all, and their ignorance about things
only six or seven thousand years ago is awful. To hear them flounder
along and try to learn from what they see is bad enough, but nothing
beside hearing those who think they know it all try to enlighten others.
We can excuse one who is really ignorant and makes no secret of it, but
the glib fellows who go on and talk of dynasties and Pharaohs—why they
don’t know the difference between a Pharaoh and a Sardanapalus. And,
they, like everybody else, think that Cleopatra was the only queen in
Egypt, and she was, as I said, so painfully modern. It is now too late
to talk much and so I will say good-bye until next year. And do not
forget that my mummy case is in the main aisle, near the archway leading
to the second room. You cannot miss it, besides I will be there waiting
for you. We can talk at our ease, and I do hope that some way can be
devised by which I can be taken back to Egypt. Ah, dear Egypt, where
rain and thunder come not and snow and ice are unknown.”
“I will certainly be there if I am alive, and—beshrew me—(this sounded
like the sort of thing one ought to say to a princess)—if I don’t find
some way to get you back to Egypt once more.”
Then bowing to the princess he withdrew to make place for a man who had
been standing there some time waiting to approach her.
“I wonder what has become of the Sociable Ghost?” thought the young man.
He looked around, and seeing so many ghosts, and no sign of his friend,
he suddenly felt himself grow very uneasy. What if he could not find his
way out of this place? But his heart beat a little more regularly as the