The Vision of Desire
endured, tied to the brute and drunken bully which it was common knowledge
Dene Hilyard had been.
"Don't you think," he went on gently, "that you could try to forget it,
Cara? Don't dwell on the past. Think of the future."
"I'm afraid that's rather dreary, too," she answered, with a sad little
smile. "It's just... going on living... and remembering."
He leaned over her and suddenly she felt the eager touch of his hand on
hers.
"It needn't be that, Cara," he said swiftly. "It needn't be that." She
looked up at him with startled eyes. Her thoughts had been so far away,
bridging the gulf between to-day and long-dead yesterday, that she had
almost to wrench them back to the present. And now here was Robin, with
a new light in his eyes and a new, passionate note in his voice.
"Cara--darling--"
With a sudden realisation of what was coming, she drew her hand quickly
away from him.
"No--no, Robin--" she began.
But he would not listen.
"Don't say 'no' yet. Hear me out!" he exclaimed. "I love you. But I don't
suppose--I'm not conceited enough to suppose that you love me--yet. Only
let me try--let me try to teach you to love me! Don't judge all men by one.
You've had a ghastly time. Let me try--some day--to make you happier."
He was so eager, so humble, so entirely selfless in his devotion, thinking
only of her, that she was touched inexpressibly--tempted, even. Ah! If she
could only put all the past aside, out of sight, and take this love that
Robin offered her and hold it round her like a garment shielding her from
the icy blasts of life! But she had nothing to give in return for this
splendid, brave first love he was offering her. She must play fair. She
dare not take where she could not give. Very gently she put him from her.
"You don't understand," she said. "You don't understand. Robin, I wish--I
wish I could say 'yes.' But I can't. It isn't--Dene--who stands between us.
I'm not a coward--I'd take my chance again if I could love again--"
"But you never loved him? You _couldn't_ have loved him!" he protested
incredulously.
"My husband? No. But--I loved some one once. And I threw away my
happiness--to marry Dene. Oh, it was years ago, Robin--" She broke off and
lifted her eyes appealingly to his face. "Must I go on? That's--that's
really all there is to tell you. Only don't you see--I--I can't marry you."
"No, I don't see--yet," returned Robin stoutly, though her words had dashed
the quick, eager look of hope from his face. "This--this other man, the one
you cared for--is he coming back to marry you?"
"Coming back? No!" For once the sweet voice was hard--bitterly hard. "He
has gone out of my life for ever."
A look of relief came into his eyes. He took her hands into his and held
them very gently.
"Then in that case," he said, "there's still a chance for me. Not now--not
yet. I wouldn't try to hurry you. But you'll let me go on loving you,
Cara--after all, you can't stop my doing that!"--with a crooked little
smile. "And some day, perhaps, you'll come to me and let me try and make
you happier again. I think I could do that, you know."
"Ah, no, Robin! I couldn't come to you--not like that. I couldn't take all
your love--and only give you second best in return. It wouldn't be fair."
He laughed a little.
"I think 'fairness' just doesn't come into love at all," he said, with
a great tenderness. "One just loves. And I'd be very glad to take that
'second best'--if you'll give it to me, Cara. Oh, my dear, if you only
knew, if you only understood! A man can do so much for a woman when he
loves her--he can serve her and protect her, and take all the difficult
tasks away from her and leave her only the easy ones--the little, pretty,
beautiful things, you know. He can stand between her and the prickles and
sharp swords of life--and there are such a lot of prickles, and sometimes a
terribly sharp sword.... I want to do all these things for you, Cara."
She shook her head silently. For a moment she could not find her voice.
She was too unused to tenderness--out of practice in all the sweet ways of
being cared for.
"No--no, Robin," she said at last. "I'm grateful--I shall always be
grateful, and--and happier, I think, because you've said these things to
me--because you've thought of me that way. But you must keep them--keep
them for some nice girl who hasn't wasted all her youth and lost her
beliefs--who can give you something better than a bundle of regrets and a
second-hand love. You'll--you'll meet her some day, Robin. And then you'll
be glad that I didn't take you at your word."
But Robin appeared quite unimpressed.
"No, I shan't. I don't want any 'nice girl,' thank you," he returned, and
his head went up a little. "If I can't have you, no one else is going to
take your place. But I shall never give up hope until you've actually
married some other man. And meanwhile"--smiling a little--"I shall propose
to you regularly and systematically, till you give me a different answer. I
suppose"--tentatively--"you couldn't give it to-day?"
Cara pushed him gently away from her, but she did not withdraw her hands
from the strong, kind, comfortable clasp in which he held them.
"Oh, Robin, you're ridiculous!" she said, a little break in her voice. "I'm
speaking for your own good--really I am."
"And I think I'm the best judge of that," he answered, regarding her with a
quiet humour in his eyes. "But I won't bother you any more to-night," he
went on. "Only I shall come back." He lifted the hands he held and kissed
them--kissed them with a kind of reverence that made of the slight action
an act of homage. "I shall come back," he repeated, his eyes looking
straight into hers.
Then, with a sudden reversion to the commonplace and everyday, he glanced
at the clock.
"I must be off!" he exclaimed. "Ann will be wondering what has become of
me--and, as soon as she's quite sure I'm safe and sound, she'll give me a
scolding for being late for dinner," he added, laughing.
_Ann!_ Cara was conscious of an overwhelming rush of self-reproach. Ann
miserable--and alone. And she had been keeping Robin here with her--or, at
least, had let him stay. Should she warn him? Prepare him? She hesitated.
But her hesitation was only momentary. Whatever had occurred betwixt Ann
and the man who loved her, it was Ann's secret, and she alone had the right
to decide whether Robin should be admitted into it or not. But he must go
home--now, at once!
"Why, yes," she said urgently. "You must hurry back, Robin. Ann may
be--feeling lonely."
Half an hour later Robin strode into the living-room at the Cottage to find
Ann sitting by the window, curiously still, and staring out impassively
into the dusk with blank, unseeing eyes. At sight of her--white and
motionless as a statue--a queer sense of foreboding woke in him, and he
stepped quickly to her side.
"Ann!" he exclaimed. "Ann, what is it?"
She remained quite still, as if she did not hear him. He touched her
shoulder.
"What is it, Ann?" he repeated urgently.
At the touch of his hand she glanced stupidly towards him. Then, shivering
a little as though suddenly cold, she got up stiffly out of her chair. But
still she did not speak. Robin slipped his arm round her.
"Ann--dear old thing, tell me. What's happened?" he entreated.
At last she answered him.
"Nothing much," she said. "Oh, nothing at all, really." She gave a funny
little cracked laugh. "Only--I'm not--engaged any longer.... I told you I
was 'fey' last night."
Almost before she had finished speaking, he felt her slight young body
suddenly become a dead weight on his arm. She crumpled up against him, and
sank into the blessed oblivion of unconsciousness.
* * * * *
The following morning two rather strained young faces confronted each other
across the Cottage breakfast table. After Ann had recovered consciousness
the previous evening, she had confided to Robin something of what had taken
place during the interview between herself and Eliot. He had vainly tried
to dissuade her, urging that she was too tired to talk and had much better
go to bed and rest.
"I'd rather tell you now--to-night," she had insisted. "Then we need never
speak of it again. And there's very little to tell. Eliot has broken off
his engagement with me because he thinks I've deceived him."
Robin's anger had been deep but inarticulate. When he spoke again it was
reassuringly, soothingly. All else he had kept back.
"_You_ deceive him--or any one! If he thinks that, then he doesn't know you
at all, little sister. And what's more, if he can think that of you, he
isn't good enough for you."
"The trouble is"--with a pale little smile--"that he thinks I'm not--good
enough--for him."
She would give no reply to Robin's impetuous demand for an explanation.
"No, dear old boy, don't ask me," she had said painfully. "It--it doesn't
bear talking about. He just doesn't think me good enough. That's all."
But the following morning, when he asked her if she would like to leave
Silverquay, a look of intense relief overspread her face.
"Would it be possible?" she asked on a low, breathless; note of eagerness.
Then her face fell. "Oh, but we can't think of it! It's much too good a
post for you to throw up."
Robin made no answer. But in his own mind he resolved that, if it were
possible, he would find some other post--one which, while it would not take
him entirely out of reach of the Priory, would yet spare Ann the necessity
of ever again meeting Eliot Coventry, or of feeling that they were
dependent for their livelihood on the man who, he was instinctively aware,
had hurt her in some deep, inmost sanctuary of her womanhood--hurt her so
unbearably that she could not bring herself to speak of it.
He rode across to Heronsmere as soon as breakfast was over, and it did not
require a second glance at Eliot's haggard face to tell him that Ann was
not alone in her intensity of suffering. He was appalled at the change
which two days had worked in the man before him, and for an instant sheer
pity almost quenched the burning intention of his errand.
"You wanted to see me, Lovell?"
As Eliot turned the grey mask of his face towards him, Robin mentally
visioned Ann's own face as he had last seen it, and his heart hardened.
"Yes," he said, speaking rather jerkily. "I want to resign my post as your
agent."
A momentary change of expression showed itself on Eliot's face, fleeting as
the passage of a shadow across a pool.
"To resign?" he repeated mechanically.
"As soon as you can find some one to take my place."
Coventry remained silent, his fingers trifling absently with a small silver
calendar that stood on his desk, pushing it backwards and forwards.
"That's rather a strange request," he said at last.
"I don't think so," answered Robin, quietly, looking at him very directly.
He returned the glance with grave eyes.
"I suppose I understand what you mean," he said slowly.
"I suppose you do," returned Robin bluntly. "But we needn't speak of that.
I came merely to ask you to accept my resignation."
Again Eliot made no immediate response. He was trying to realise it--to
visualise the Cottage empty, or occupied by some one who was no more than
an ordinary estate agent--just his man of business. To conceive Silverquay
void of Ann's presence, know her no longer there, be ignorant of where she
was in the big world ... whether well or ill.... He found that the bare
idea wrought an exquisite agony within him. It was like probing a raw
wound.
"No!" He spoke very suddenly, his voice so harsh that it seemed to grate on
the quiet of the room. "No. You can't leave, Lovell. Our arrangement was
six months' notice on either side. I claim that notice."
Robin drew a deep breath.