The weird of the wanderer Being the papyrus records of some incidents in one of the previous lives of Mr. Nicholas Crabbe
dispute: but, if she has an evil mind, he may avoid her or annul her:
but, when the gods, givers of good gifts, send to a man such a woman
as he may fitly take for a companion, then, indeed, he becomes one
with her, in that her ill is his hurt and her good his benefit. For
it is very pleasing to the pride of a man to have a treasure to guard
and to care for. And, until this time, all my wiles and all my wisdom
had not won for me such a treasure. Not but what Queen Penelope had
been a true wife to me while she had life on the earth: but, of those
years there were twenty, when wars and the displeasure of certain
blameless gods kept me away from her, so that (speaking with perfect
respect to her face) I may say that she was a faithful wife and a
most prudent housewife, but not by any means a companion. And, as for
the quite-irrelevant matter of those divine ones of goddesses with
whom I had intimate relations, to wit, deathless Kirke and Kalypso
of the greasy braided tresses, who (I ask) can presume to talk about
companionship when a man is imprisoned, with an awful woman, on a
little islet surrounded by the boundless ruthlessly-smiling sea.
But Golden Helen was altogether different from these three. Thus I
meditated in my Love-sped galley.
But, coming to Khalkis, we stayed there, to procure sweet water and
nutriments, before proceeding northward by the Eyboik Gulph. And
hard-hearted envious Hera, that arch-mischiefmaker among goddesses,
sent me a horrid adventure, in the hope of impeding my progress.
For, while my slave Neandros was negociating with merchants on the
quay, loading the hollow ship with cheeses, and wheat (the marrow of
men), and the flesh of bulls and swine, with herbs and dainty birds,
and jars of oil and wine and beer, and casks of sweet water, I, with
long-robed Helen, landed privately to view the city. For I had heard
that Romans were occupying holy Eyboia at that time, the island of rich
vines, whence Elephenor son of Khalkodon led the proud long-haired
Abantes in forty black ships to the siege of windy Ilion. And, neither
in the future from which (for a religious reason) I had come, nor in
the past from which also I had come, had I ever seen the conquering
Romans in their togas as they lived, excepting once by chance in Khem.
For which cause I determined to use this opportunity of informing my
inquisitive mind.
And we too, therefore, happy as children who have found out a new game,
disguised ourselves before we went to play truant in Khalkis. For fair
Helen covered herself with a dark robe, veiling also her hair like
a web of woven sunbeams: but I did on a tunic of grey wolves’ skins
having on my head a berreta of ferret-skins, taking also a very sharp
sword and a pouch full of silver and gold. And, when we came to the
landward end of the quay, a beak-nosed soldier armed in cheap bronze
stopped us; and he demanded of us diplomas permitting us to draw sweet
breath in Roman territory. For it seemed that the Romans, like locusts,
were infesting the whole earth. I, indeed, began to try to edge in a
wily word about a beverage: but the soldier led me to the guard-house
to settle the matter with his decurion, who, also, was a dull boor
amenable neither to words nor bribes. For I told him that my name
was Ithakides son of Ithakos son of Ptenopedilos son of Kelainephes
Polyonomos, and that I came from Egypt where I had been collecting
antiquities: all of which was perfectly true and entirely misleading,
simply because the lout was ignorant of the various uses of words.
Also I said that the lady was my wife, sister of certain friends of
mine by cognomen Asterostephanoi, who was taking a voyage for the
benefit of her health and to visit her aged father in Thessaly. And
that also was true. But it seemed that the decurion’s duty was only to
ask questions, but not to pay the slightest regard to the answers. And
he would not take a bribe, because (I am sure) no one had ever offered
him such a thing before, and he was dreadfully afraid. But he said
merely that I must go to prison pending an inquiry.
And I, indeed, made no objection, being always greedy for new
experiences, and, moreover, both I and Golden Helen did not restrain
our laughter when we remembered who we were to whom such indignities
were offered. Wherefore, having tucked away my natural ferocity, I was
as meek as a clod: but I watched events with steady eyes. But I told
fair Helen to go to a convent of the priestesses of Pallas Athene near
the market-place, there to wait till I should be dismissed without
a stain upon my character. And, presently, the centurion himself
appeared; and he would escort her thither: for he, indeed, perceived
that we were persons of quality; and he said that, if nothing against
me could be collected by the following day, he would give me a diploma
valuable for all Akhaia. Also, he regretted my detention, assuring
me that he himself was under authority. And, when he came back from
attending the divine one of goddesses, we conversed, until I had
emptied his mind into mine: but that was a pastime, and not a new
labour for Herakles.
And, when Dawn (the mother of morning) was come again, and, when Helios
Hyperion had driven the chariot of the sun to the height of heaven
and was on the downward way toward his bed in the ocean, then, the
Roman centurion (having found out no ill of me) gave me the promised
diploma, setting me at liberty. But I hastened to the convent of the
priestesses of Pallas Athene. But the portress said that the divine
one of goddesses had been summoned to meet me at the palace of the
governour of the province, whither she had gone at noon, with a plump
of spearmen for a guard. To which place I followed her as quickly as
possible; and the mind in my dear breast was full of dire foreboding.
For I remembered certain words which the centurion had let fall in his
cups of the previous night, concerning the sins of Roman governours in
general, who bought their governourships by bribes, expecting to recoup
themselves (for the outlay of a lifetime) by the crimes which a year
of governourship made possible. Also, he had spoken of the governour
of Akhaia in particular, by name Anthemius Cotta, saying that he was a
Nouus Homo of coarse manners and huge wealth accumulated (no one knew
how) in Asia, that he had bought his governourship, being possessed of
a gluttonous appetite for the eels of Lake Kopais, greedily engorging
the same without ceasing excepting to pant occasionally, and, that he
was despised and detested, inasmuch as he cultivated Asiatic vices,
filling his palace with females, slaves, guarded by black eunuchs.
But I found no sentry at the palace-gate, so lax is the rule of a
luxurious governour. An elegant slave in a Persian mitre, however,
mentioned that Anthemius Cotta had finished the business of the day.
And then, indeed, divine Rage inflamed me with the desire of horribly
pinching and mangling; and, staring very starkly, I invaded the place
without more ado. Crowds of feeble persons fell away from me, as I
passed in frightful silence. And, suddenly, I heard the voice of Golden
Helen moaning for me by name.
But I rushed toward the sound, tearing down a curtain, and running
along a painted hall where a meal was spread. At the other end, a
single negro, armed with a monstrous curving scymetar, kept watch
before another curtained door. His grinning head sprang to the right,
and his blood-spouting carcase thudded to the left: but I passed
between, passing to the divine one of goddesses.
She was at the far end of the chamber, back to wall. Two loathsome
rolling-eyed eunuchs lay at her feet, blasted by her amber fires.
But there were others, about to attempt an onslaught. And, before
her, stood the Roman governour, a ceruminous personality, fatty and
pustulous, and of proboscidian flaccidity. Upon whom I wreaked many
most mind-grieving evils, saying nothing. For, first, I impaled him,
thrusting my sword through his right shoulder, and spinning him
(yelling) round by the hilt to face me. Next, having clutched a
handful of his glabrous forehead and a large handful of his cataract of
chins, I tore off his countenance; and threw it away. But he dropped on
his belly, scrabbling the floor with tettered toes and fingers.
But the eunuchs were petrified with terror; and Golden Helen, seeing me
near, was ready to swoon. Her, indeed, I bore (senseless) to a couch;
and bestowed her safely while I finished the business.
The eunuchs had to turn the Roman governour face upward and to spit
by turns into his rolling lidless eyes, while he winced, mewling with
unlipped mouth. I drew my sword from its fat sheath, and flashed it
through the eunuchs’ necks, so that they fell asunder in a heap,
but their heads rolled about the floor. I was minded also to carve
Anthemius Cotta slowly into slices: but my gorge rose somewhat
squeamishly. For which cause, I only cut the sinews of his knees
and elbows, and heaped the carcases of his slaves upon him, having
collected their black heads: but I stuffed his own face into his
mouth. And, being satiated with slaughter, I covered the mound with a
door-curtain, lest the eyes of the goddess should be offended.
But her, I carried into the painted hall; and, having cleansed myself
in several bowls of rosewater, I used the wine (which was there) to
restore her. And anon we left the palace, being of an aspect so godly
and terrific, that the slaves scuffled (cat-like) to hide themselves
as we passed by. But, hastening to the quay, we ascended the hollow
ship, flying away as quickly as possible.
Thus I did, visiting Khalkis, a city on the island of Eyboia.
FOOTNOTES:
[57] I would point out that the “vol plané” here described almost seems
to resemble the showy but somewhat clumsy mode of alterrament affected
by the velivolors and aereoplanes and dirigibles of the Fifth Georgian
Era.
[58] I am given to understand that our own earlier hydroplanes and
hydrovolors had their motors situated amidships and aft respectively.
A. H.
[59] I call attention to the extreme beauty and distinction of this
original and (I sadly fear) little-realized doctrine. A. H.
THE TWENTY-FOURTH PAPYRUS
But, when my galley was in the open water of the Eyboik Gulph, we sat
together upon the lofty poop; and the divine one of goddesses told
me all her adventures. For, Anthemius Cotta, having seen her going
to the convent of priestesses of Pallas Athene, sent her a message
as from me, saying that I was an honoured guest at the palace. And,
when she (suspecting no evil) went thither, the governour offered her
fair words, bribes, and violence, by turn, persuading her to submit
to indignities. But she repulsed him, summoning to her aid the godly
forces (inherited, but long unused), which she possessed as daughter of
Great Zeys Pantokrator. But, sooth to say, the sweet maid was no longer
able to hold her own against fierce-passioned gods or men. Not that she
would ever yield: but ten weary lonely centuries in the netherworld
had weakened her high hereditary forces, so that she needed an ally.
And, now that her peril was averted, she let fall a round tear, like
a frightened child very anxious for a companion and protector. Whom I
reverently consoled, swearing a great oath that I would ever be her
faithful warden.
Now, if I had been alone, nothing would have pleased me more than
going through Akhaia and Makedonia by land, seeking adventures, taking
revenges, stultifying the Roman conquerors by the spells of magic
art. Such, indeed, would have been a very convenient course for a
Mage practising the uses of his arts and crafts, and pleasing enough
for a Master at liberty. But, since so great a god as Love had taught