The Wind in the Willows
hour! The hour of Toad! I said I would take him in hand as soon as the
winter was well over, and I’m going to take him in hand to-day!”
“Toad’s hour, of course!” cried the Mole delightedly. “Hooray! I
remember now! _We’ll_ teach him to be a sensible Toad!”
“This very morning,” continued the Badger, taking an arm-chair, “as I
learnt last night from a trustworthy source, another new and
exceptionally powerful motor-car will arrive at Toad Hall on approval
or return. At this very moment, perhaps, Toad is busy arraying himself
in those singularly hideous habiliments so dear to him, which transform
him from a (comparatively) good-looking Toad into an Object which
throws any decent-minded animal that comes across it into a violent
fit. We must be up and doing, ere it is too late. You two animals will
accompany me instantly to Toad Hall, and the work of rescue shall be
accomplished.”
“Right you are!” cried the Rat, starting up. “We’ll rescue the poor
unhappy animal! We’ll convert him! He’ll be the most converted Toad
that ever was before we’ve done with him!”
They set off up the road on their mission of mercy, Badger leading the
way. Animals when in company walk in a proper and sensible manner, in
single file, instead of sprawling all across the road and being of no
use or support to each other in case of sudden trouble or danger.
They reached the carriage-drive of Toad Hall to find, as the Badger had
anticipated, a shiny new motor-car, of great size, painted a bright red
(Toad’s favourite colour), standing in front of the house. As they
neared the door it was flung open, and Mr. Toad, arrayed in goggles,
cap, gaiters, and enormous overcoat, came swaggering down the steps,
drawing on his gauntleted gloves.
“Hullo! come on, you fellows!” he cried cheerfully on catching sight of
them. “You’re just in time to come with me for a jolly—to come for a
jolly—for a—er—jolly——”
His hearty accents faltered and fell away as he noticed the stern
unbending look on the countenances of his silent friends, and his
invitation remained unfinished.
The Badger strode up the steps. “Take him inside,” he said sternly to
his companions. Then, as Toad was hustled through the door, struggling
and protesting, he turned to the _chauffeur_ in charge of the new
motor-car.
“I’m afraid you won’t be wanted to-day,” he said. “Mr. Toad has changed
his mind. He will not require the car. Please understand that this is
final. You needn’t wait.” Then he followed the others inside and shut
the door.
“Now then!” he said to the Toad, when the four of them stood together
in the Hall, “first of all, take those ridiculous things off!”
“Shan’t!” replied Toad, with great spirit. “What is the meaning of this
gross outrage? I demand an instant explanation.”
“Take them off him, then, you two,” ordered the Badger briefly.
They had to lay Toad out on the floor, kicking and calling all sorts of
names, before they could get to work properly. Then the Rat sat on him,
and the Mole got his motor-clothes off him bit by bit, and they stood
him up on his legs again. A good deal of his blustering spirit seemed
to have evaporated with the removal of his fine panoply. Now that he
was merely Toad, and no longer the Terror of the Highway, he giggled
feebly and looked from one to the other appealingly, seeming quite to
understand the situation.
“You knew it must come to this, sooner or later, Toad,” the Badger
explained severely.
You’ve disregarded all the warnings we’ve given you, you’ve gone on
squandering the money your father left you, and you’re getting us
animals a bad name in the district by your furious driving and your
smashes and your rows with the police. Independence is all very well,
but we animals never allow our friends to make fools of themselves
beyond a certain limit; and that limit you’ve reached. Now, you’re a
good fellow in many respects, and I don’t want to be too hard on you.
I’ll make one more effort to bring you to reason. You will come with me
into the smoking-room, and there you will hear some facts about
yourself; and we’ll see whether you come out of that room the same Toad
that you went in.”
He took Toad firmly by the arm, led him into the smoking-room, and
closed the door behind them.
“_That’s_ no good!” said the Rat contemptuously. “_Talking_ to Toad’ll
never cure him. He’ll _say_ anything.”
They made themselves comfortable in armchairs and waited patiently.
Through the closed door they could just hear the long continuous drone
of the Badger’s voice, rising and falling in waves of oratory; and
presently they noticed that the sermon began to be punctuated at
intervals by long-drawn sobs, evidently proceeding from the bosom of
Toad, who was a soft-hearted and affectionate fellow, very easily
converted—for the time being—to any point of view.
After some three-quarters of an hour the door opened, and the Badger
reappeared, solemnly leading by the paw a very limp and dejected Toad.
His skin hung baggily about him, his legs wobbled, and his cheeks were
furrowed by the tears so plentifully called forth by the Badger’s
moving discourse.
“Sit down there, Toad,” said the Badger kindly, pointing to a chair.
“My friends,” he went on, “I am pleased to inform you that Toad has at
last seen the error of his ways. He is truly sorry for his misguided
conduct in the past, and he has undertaken to give up motor-cars
entirely and for ever. I have his solemn promise to that effect.”
“That is very good news,” said the Mole gravely.
“Very good news indeed,” observed the Rat dubiously, “if only—_if_
only——”
He was looking very hard at Toad as he said this, and could not help
thinking he perceived something vaguely resembling a twinkle in that
animal’s still sorrowful eye.
“There’s only one thing more to be done,” continued the gratified
Badger. “Toad, I want you solemnly to repeat, before your friends here,
what you fully admitted to me in the smoking-room just now. First, you
are sorry for what you’ve done, and you see the folly of it all?”
There was a long, long pause. Toad looked desperately this way and
that, while the other animals waited in grave silence. At last he
spoke.
“No!” he said, a little sullenly, but stoutly; “I’m _not_ sorry. And it
wasn’t folly at all! It was simply glorious!”
“What?” cried the Badger, greatly scandalised. “You backsliding animal,
didn’t you tell me just now, in there——”
“Oh, yes, yes, in _there_,” said Toad impatiently. “I’d have said
anything in _there_. You’re so eloquent, dear Badger, and so moving,
and so convincing, and put all your points so frightfully well—you can
do what you like with me in _there_, and you know it. But I’ve been
searching my mind since, and going over things in it, and I find that
I’m not a bit sorry or repentant really, so it’s no earthly good saying
I am; now, is it?”
“Then you don’t promise,” said the Badger, “never to touch a motor-car
again?”
“Certainly not!” replied Toad emphatically. “On the contrary, I
faithfully promise that the very first motor-car I see, poop-poop! off
I go in it!”
“Told you so, didn’t I?” observed the Rat to the Mole.
“Very well, then,” said the Badger firmly, rising to his feet. “Since
you won’t yield to persuasion, we’ll try what force can do. I feared it
would come to this all along. You’ve often asked us three to come and
stay with you, Toad, in this handsome house of yours; well, now we’re
going to. When we’ve converted you to a proper point of view we may
quit, but not before. Take him upstairs, you two, and lock him up in
his bedroom, while we arrange matters between ourselves.”
“It’s for your own good, Toady, you know,” said the Rat kindly, as
Toad, kicking and struggling, was hauled up the stairs by his two
faithful friends. “Think what fun we shall all have together, just as
we used to, when you’ve quite got over this—this painful attack of
yours!”
“We’ll take great care of everything for you till you’re well, Toad,”
said the Mole; “and we’ll see your money isn’t wasted, as it has been.”
“No more of those regrettable incidents with the police, Toad,” said
the Rat, as they thrust him into his bedroom.
“And no more weeks in hospital, being ordered about by female nurses,
Toad,” added the Mole, turning the key on him.
They descended the stair, Toad shouting abuse at them through the
keyhole; and the three friends then met in conference on the situation.
“It’s going to be a tedious business,” said the Badger, sighing. “I’ve
never seen Toad so determined. However, we will see it out. He must
never be left an instant unguarded. We shall have to take it in turns
to be with him, till the poison has worked itself out of his system.”
They arranged watches accordingly. Each animal took it in turns to
sleep in Toad’s room at night, and they divided the day up between
them. At first Toad was undoubtedly very trying to his careful
guardians. When his violent paroxysms possessed him he would arrange
bedroom chairs in rude resemblance of a motor-car and would crouch on
the foremost of them, bent forward and staring fixedly ahead, making
uncouth and ghastly noises, till the climax was reached, when, turning
a complete somersault, he would lie prostrate amidst the ruins of the
chairs, apparently completely satisfied for the moment. As time passed,
however, these painful seizures grew gradually less frequent, and his
friends strove to divert his mind into fresh channels. But his interest
in other matters did not seem to revive, and he grew apparently languid
and depressed.
One fine morning the Rat, whose turn it was to go on duty, went
upstairs to relieve Badger, whom he found fidgeting to be off and
stretch his legs in a long ramble round his wood and down his earths
and burrows. “Toad’s still in bed,” he told the Rat, outside the door.
“Can’t get much out of him, except, ‘O leave him alone, he wants
nothing, perhaps he’ll be better presently, it may pass off in time,
don’t be unduly anxious,’ and so on. Now, you look out, Rat! When
Toad’s quiet and submissive and playing at being the hero of a
Sunday-school prize, then he’s at his artfullest. There’s sure to be
something up. I know him. Well, now, I must be off.”
“How are you to-day, old chap?” inquired the Rat cheerfully, as he
approached Toad’s bedside.
He had to wait some minutes for an answer. At last a feeble voice
replied, “Thank you so much, dear Ratty! So good of you to inquire! But
first tell me how you are yourself, and the excellent Mole?”
“O, _we’re_ all right,” replied the Rat. “Mole,” he added incautiously,
“is going out for a run round with Badger. They’ll be out till luncheon
time, so you and I will spend a pleasant morning together, and I’ll do
my best to amuse you. Now jump up, there’s a good fellow, and don’t lie
moping there on a fine morning like this!”
“Dear, kind Rat,” murmured Toad, “how little you realise my condition,
and how very far I am from ‘jumping up’ now—if ever! But do not trouble
about me. I hate being a burden to my friends, and I do not expect to
be one much longer. Indeed, I almost hope not.”
“Well, I hope not, too,” said the Rat heartily. “You’ve been a fine
bother to us all this time, and I’m glad to hear it’s going to stop.
And in weather like this, and the boating season just beginning! It’s
too bad of you, Toad! It isn’t the trouble we mind, but you’re making
us miss such an awful lot.”
“I’m afraid it _is_ the trouble you mind, though,” replied the Toad
languidly. “I can quite understand it. It’s natural enough. You’re
tired of bothering about me. I mustn’t ask you to do anything further.
I’m a nuisance, I know.”
“You are, indeed,” said the Rat. “But I tell you, I’d take any trouble
on earth for you, if only you’d be a sensible animal.”