The Wind in the Willows
“It is fate!” he said to himself. “Why strive? why struggle?” and he
turned to the driver at his side.
“Please, Sir,” he said, “I wish you would kindly let me try and drive
the car for a little. I’ve been watching you carefully, and it looks so
easy and so interesting, and I should like to be able to tell my
friends that once I had driven a motor-car!”
The driver laughed at the proposal, so heartily that the gentleman
inquired what the matter was. When he heard, he said, to Toad’s
delight, “Bravo, ma’am! I like your spirit. Let her have a try, and
look after her. She won’t do any harm.”
Toad eagerly scrambled into the seat vacated by the driver, took the
steering-wheel in his hands, listened with affected humility to the
instructions given him, and set the car in motion, but very slowly and
carefully at first, for he was determined to be prudent.
The gentlemen behind clapped their hands and applauded, and Toad heard
them saying, “How well she does it! Fancy a washerwoman driving a car
as well as that, the first time!”
Toad went a little faster; then faster still, and faster.
He heard the gentlemen call out warningly, “Be careful, washerwoman!”
And this annoyed him, and he began to lose his head.
The driver tried to interfere, but he pinned him down in his seat with
one elbow, and put on full speed. The rush of air in his face, the hum
of the engines, and the light jump of the car beneath him intoxicated
his weak brain. “Washerwoman, indeed!” he shouted recklessly. “Ho! ho!
I am the Toad, the motor-car snatcher, the prison-breaker, the Toad who
always escapes! Sit still, and you shall know what driving really is,
for you are in the hands of the famous, the skilful, the entirely
fearless Toad!”
With a cry of horror the whole party rose and flung themselves on him.
“Seize him!” they cried, “seize the Toad, the wicked animal who stole
our motor-car! Bind him, chain him, drag him to the nearest
police-station! Down with the desperate and dangerous Toad!”
Alas! they should have thought, they ought to have been more prudent,
they should have remembered to stop the motor-car somehow before
playing any pranks of that sort. With a half-turn of the wheel the Toad
sent the car crashing through the low hedge that ran along the
roadside. One mighty bound, a violent shock, and the wheels of the car
were churning up the thick mud of a horse-pond.
Toad found himself flying through the air with the strong upward rush
and delicate curve of a swallow. He liked the motion, and was just
beginning to wonder whether it would go on until he developed wings and
turned into a Toad-bird, when he landed on his back with a thump, in
the soft rich grass of a meadow. Sitting up, he could just see the
motor-car in the pond, nearly submerged; the gentlemen and the driver,
encumbered by their long coats, were floundering helplessly in the
water.
He picked himself up rapidly, and set off running across country as
hard as he could, scrambling through hedges, jumping ditches, pounding
across fields, till he was breathless and weary, and had to settle down
into an easy walk. When he had recovered his breath somewhat, and was
able to think calmly, he began to giggle, and from giggling he took to
laughing, and he laughed till he had to sit down under a hedge. “Ho,
ho!” he cried, in ecstasies of self-admiration, “Toad again! Toad, as
usual, comes out on the top! Who was it got them to give him a lift?
Who managed to get on the front seat for the sake of fresh air? Who
persuaded them into letting him see if he could drive? Who landed them
all in a horse-pond? Who escaped, flying gaily and unscathed through
the air, leaving the narrow-minded, grudging, timid excursionists in
the mud where they should rightly be? Why, Toad, of course; clever
Toad, great Toad, _good_ Toad!”
Then he burst into song again, and chanted with uplifted voice—
“The motor-car went Poop-poop-poop,
As it raced along the road.
Who was it steered it into a pond?
Ingenious Mr. Toad!
O, how clever I am! How clever, how clever, how very clev——”
A slight noise at a distance behind him made him turn his head and
look. O horror! O misery! O despair!
About two fields off, a chauffeur in his leather gaiters and two large
rural policemen were visible, running towards him as hard as they could
go!
Poor Toad sprang to his feet and pelted away again, his heart in his
mouth. O, my!” he gasped, as he panted along, “what an _ass_ I am! What
a _conceited_ and heedless ass! Swaggering again! Shouting and singing
songs again! Sitting still and gassing again! O my! O my! O my!”
He glanced back, and saw to his dismay that they were gaining on him.
On he ran desperately, but kept looking back, and saw that they still
gained steadily. He did his best, but he was a fat animal, and his legs
were short, and still they gained. He could hear them close behind him
now. Ceasing to heed where he was going, he struggled on blindly and
wildly, looking back over his shoulder at the now triumphant enemy,
when suddenly the earth failed under his feet, he grasped at the air,
and, splash! he found himself head over ears in deep water, rapid
water, water that bore him along with a force he could not contend
with; and he knew that in his blind panic he had run straight into the
river!
He rose to the surface and tried to grasp the reeds and the rushes that
grew along the water’s edge close under the bank, but the stream was so
strong that it tore them out of his hands. “O my!” gasped poor Toad,
“if ever I steal a motor-car again! If ever I sing another conceited
song”—then down he went, and came up breathless and spluttering.
Presently he saw that he was approaching a big dark hole in the bank,
just above his head, and as the stream bore him past he reached up with
a paw and caught hold of the edge and held on. Then slowly and with
difficulty he drew himself up out of the water, till at last he was
able to rest his elbows on the edge of the hole. There he remained for
some minutes, puffing and panting, for he was quite exhausted.
As he sighed and blew and stared before him into the dark hole, some
bright small thing shone and twinkled in its depths, moving towards
him. As it approached, a face grew up gradually around it, and it was a
familiar face!
Brown and small, with whiskers.
Grave and round, with neat ears and silky hair.
It was the Water Rat!
XI.
“LIKE SUMMER TEMPESTS CAME HIS TEARS”
The Rat put out a neat little brown paw, gripped Toad firmly by the
scruff of the neck, and gave a great hoist and a pull; and the
water-logged Toad came up slowly but surely over the edge of the hole,
till at last he stood safe and sound in the hall, streaked with mud and
weed to be sure, and with the water streaming off him, but happy and
high-spirited as of old, now that he found himself once more in the
house of a friend, and dodgings and evasions were over, and he could
lay aside a disguise that was unworthy of his position and wanted such
a lot of living up to.
“O, Ratty!” he cried. “I’ve been through such times since I saw you
last, you can’t think! Such trials, such sufferings, and all so nobly
borne! Then such escapes, such disguises such subterfuges, and all so
cleverly planned and carried out! Been in prison—got out of it, of
course! Been thrown into a canal—swam ashore! Stole a horse—sold him
for a large sum of money! Humbugged everybody—made ’em all do exactly
what I wanted! Oh, I _am_ a smart Toad, and no mistake! What do you
think my last exploit was? Just hold on till I tell you——”
“Toad,” said the Water Rat, gravely and firmly, “you go off upstairs at
once, and take off that old cotton rag that looks as if it might
formerly have belonged to some washerwoman, and clean yourself
thoroughly, and put on some of my clothes, and try and come down
looking like a gentleman if you _can;_ for a more shabby, bedraggled,
disreputable-looking object than you are I never set eyes on in my
whole life! Now, stop swaggering and arguing, and be off! I’ll have
something to say to you later!”
Toad was at first inclined to stop and do some talking back at him. He
had had enough of being ordered about when he was in prison, and here
was the thing being begun all over again, apparently; and by a Rat,
too! However, he caught sight of himself in the looking-glass over the
hat-stand, with the rusty black bonnet perched rakishly over one eye,
and he changed his mind and went very quickly and humbly upstairs to
the Rat’s dressing-room. There he had a thorough wash and brush-up,
changed his clothes, and stood for a long time before the glass,
contemplating himself with pride and pleasure, and thinking what utter
idiots all the people must have been to have ever mistaken him for one
moment for a washerwoman.
By the time he came down again luncheon was on the table, and very glad
Toad was to see it, for he had been through some trying experiences and
had taken much hard exercise since the excellent breakfast provided for
him by the gipsy. While they ate Toad told the Rat all his adventures,
dwelling chiefly on his own cleverness, and presence of mind in
emergencies, and cunning in tight places; and rather making out that he
had been having a gay and highly-coloured experience. But the more he
talked and boasted, the more grave and silent the Rat became.
When at last Toad had talked himself to a standstill, there was silence
for a while; and then the Rat said, “Now, Toady, I don’t want to give
you pain, after all you’ve been through already; but, seriously, don’t
you see what an awful ass you’ve been making of yourself? On your own
admission you have been handcuffed, imprisoned, starved, chased,
terrified out of your life, insulted, jeered at, and ignominiously
flung into the water—by a woman, too! Where’s the amusement in that?
Where does the fun come in? And all because you must needs go and steal
a motor-car. You know that you’ve never had anything but trouble from
motor-cars from the moment you first set eyes on one. But if you _will_
be mixed up with them—as you generally are, five minutes after you’ve
started—why _steal_ them? Be a cripple, if you think it’s exciting; be
a bankrupt, for a change, if you’ve set your mind on it: but why choose
to be a convict? When are you going to be sensible, and think of your
friends, and try and be a credit to them? Do you suppose it’s any
pleasure to me, for instance, to hear animals saying, as I go about,
that I’m the chap that keeps company with gaol-birds?”
Now, it was a very comforting point in Toad’s character that he was a
thoroughly good-hearted animal and never minded being jawed by those
who were his real friends. And even when most set upon a thing, he was
always able to see the other side of the question. So although, while
the Rat was talking so seriously, he kept saying to himself mutinously,
“But it _was_ fun, though! Awful fun!” and making strange suppressed
noises inside him, k-i-ck-ck-ck, and poop-p-p, and other sounds
resembling stifled snorts, or the opening of soda-water bottles, yet
when the Rat had quite finished, he heaved a deep sigh and said, very
nicely and humbly, “Quite right, Ratty! How _sound_ you always are!
Yes, I’ve been a conceited old ass, I can quite see that; but now I’m
going to be a good Toad, and not do it any more. As for motor-cars,
I’ve not been at all so keen about them since my last ducking in that
river of yours. The fact is, while I was hanging on to the edge of your
hole and getting my breath, I had a sudden idea—a really brilliant
idea—connected with motor-boats—there, there! don’t take on so, old
chap, and stamp, and upset things; it was only an idea, and we won’t
talk any more about it now. We’ll have our coffee, _and_ a smoke, and a