The Young Visiters or, Mr. Salteena's Plan
When they had unpacked Mr Salteena and Ethel went downstairs to
dinner. Mr Salteena had put on a compleat evening suit as he thought
it was the correct idear and some ruby studs he had got at a sale.
Ethel had on a dress of yellaw silk covered with tulle which was quite
in the fashion and she had on a necklace which Mr Salteena gave her
for a birthday present. She looked very becomeing and pretty and
Bernard heaved a sigh as he gave her his arm to go into dinner. The
butler Minnit was quite ready for the fray standing up very stiff and
surrounded by two footmen in green plush and curly white wigs who were
called Charles and Horace.
Well said Mr Salteena lapping up his [Pg 37] turtle soup you have a
very sumpshous house Bernard.
His friend gave a weary smile and swollowed a few drops of sherry
wine. It is fairly decent he replied with a bashful glance at Ethel
after our repast I will show you over the premisis.
Many thanks said Mr Salteena getting rarther flustered with his forks.
You ourght to give a ball remarked Ethel you have such large
compartments.
Yes there is room enough sighed Bernard we might try a few steps and
meanwhile I might get to know a few peaple.
So you might responded Ethel giving him a speaking look.
Mr Salteena was growing a little peevish but he cheered up when the
Port wine came on the table and the butler put round some costly
finger bowls. He did not have any in his own house and he followed
Bernard Clarks advice as to what to do with them. After dinner Ethel
played some [Pg 38] merry tunes on the piano and Bernard responded with
a rarther loud song in a base voice and Ethel clapped him a good deal.
Then Mr Salteena asked a few riddles as he was not musicle. Then
Bernard said shall I show you over my domain and they strolled into
the gloomy hall.
I see you have a lot of ancesters said Mr Salteena in a jelous tone,
who are they.
Well said Bernard they are all quite correct. This is my aunt Caroline
she was rarther exentrick and quite old.
So I see said Mr Salteena and he passed on to a lady with a very tight
waist and quearly shaped. That is Mary Ann Fudge my grandmother I
think said Bernard she was very well known in her day.
Why asked Ethel who was rarther curious by nature.
Well I dont quite know said Bernard but she was and he moved away to
the next picture. It was of a man with a fat smiley face and a red
ribbon round him and a lot [Pg 39] of medals. My great uncle Ambrose
Fudge said Bernard carelessly.
He looks a thourough ancester said Ethel kindly.
Well he was said Bernard in a proud tone he was really the Sinister
son of Queen Victoria.
Not really cried Ethel in excited tones but what does that mean.
Well I dont quite know said Bernard Clark it puzzles me very much but
ancesters do turn quear at times.
Peraps it means god son said Mr Salteena in an inteligent voice.
Well I dont think so said Bernard but I mean to find out.
It is very grand anyhow said Ethel.
It is that replied her host geniully.
Who is this said Mr Salteena halting at a picture of a lady holding up
some grapes and smiling a good deal.
Her name was called Minnie Pilato responded Bernard she was rarther
far back [Pg 40] but a real relation and she was engaged to the earl of
Tullyvarden only it did not quite come off.
What a pity crid Ethel.
Yes it was rarther replied Bernard but she marrid a Captain in the
Navy and had seven children so she was quite alright.
Here Mr Salteena thourght he had better go to bed as he had had a long
jornney. Bernard always had a few prayers in the hall and some whiskey
afterwards as he was rarther pious but Mr Salteena was not very
adicted to prayers so he marched up to bed. Ethel stayed as she
thourght it would be a good thing. The butler came in as he was a very
holy man and Bernard piously said the Our Father and a very good hymm
called I will keep my anger down and a Decad of the Rosary. Ethel
chimed in quiutly and Francis Minnit was most devout and Ethel
thourght what a good holy family she was stopping with. So I will end
my chapter.
[Pg 41]
CHAPTER 4
MR SALTEENAS PLAN
Mr Salteena woke up rarther early next day and was supprised and
delighted to find Horace the footman entering with a cup of tea.
Oh thankyou my man said Mr Salteena rolling over in the costly bed. Mr
Clark is nearly out of the bath sir anounced Horace I will have great
plesure in turning it on for you if such is your desire. Well yes you
might said Mr Salteena seeing it was the idear and Horace gave a
profound bow.
Ethel are you getting up shouted Mr Salteena.
Very nearly replied Ethel faintly from the next room.
I say said Mr Salteena excitedly I have had some tea in bed.
[Pg 42]
So have I replied Ethel.
Then Mr Salteena got into a mouve dressing goun with yellaw tassles
and siezing his soap he wandered off to the bath room which was most
sumpshous. It had a lovly white shiny bath and sparkling taps and
several towels arrayed in readiness by thourghtful Horace. It also had
a step for climbing up the bath and other good dodges of a rich
nature. Mr Salteena washed himself well and felt very much better.
After brekfast Mr Salteena asked Bernard if he could have some privite
conversation with him. Well yes replied Bernard if you will come into
my study we can have a few words.
Cant I come too muttered Ethel sulkily.
No my dear said Mr Salteena this is privite.
Perhaps later I might have a privite chat with you Miss Monticue said
Bernard kindly.
Oh do lets said Ethel.
[Pg 43]
Then Bernard and Mr S. strolled to the study and sat upon two arm
chairs. Fire away said Bernard lighting his pipe. Well I cant exactly
do that said Mr Salteena in slow tones it is a searious matter and you
can advise me as you are a thorugh gentleman I am sure.
Well yes said Bernard what can I do for you eh Alf?
You can help me perhaps to be more like a gentleman said Mr Salteena
getting rarther hot I am quite alright as they say but I would like to
be the real thing can it be done he added slapping his knees.
I dont quite know said Bernard it might take a good time.
Might it said Mr S. but I would slave for years if need be. Bernard
scratched his head. Why dont you try the Crystal Pallace he asked
several peaple Earls and even dukes have privite compartments there.
But I am not an Earl said Mr Salteena in a purplexed tone.
[Pg 44]
True replied Bernard but I understand there are sort of students there
who want to get into the War Office and notable banks.
Would that be a help asked Mr Salteena egerly.
Well it might said Bernard I can give you a letter to my old pal the
Earl of Clincham who lives there he might rub you up and by mixing
with him you would probably grow more seemly.
Oh ten thousand thanks said Mr Salteena I will go there as soon as it
can be arranged if you would be so kind as to keep an eye on Ethel
while I am away.
Oh yes said Bernard I may be running up to town for a few days and she
could come too.
You are too kind said Mr Salteena and I dont think you will find her
any trouble.
No I dont think I shall said Bernard she is a pretty girl cheerful and
active. And he blushed rarther red.
[Pg 45]
CHAPTER 5
THE CRYSTAL PALACE
About 9 oclock next morning Mr Salteena stood bag in hand in the
ancestle hall waiting for the viacle to convay him to the station.
Bernard Clark and Ethel were seated side by side on a costly sofa
gazing abstractly at the parting guest. Horace had dashed off to put
on his cocked hat as he was going in the baroushe but Francis Minnit
was roaming about the hall well prepared for any deed.
Well said Bernard puffing at his meershum pipe I hope you will get on
Alf I am sure you have that little letter to old Clincham eh
In deed I have said Mr Salteena many thanks for the same and I do hope
Ethel will behave properly.
[Pg 46]
Oh yes I expect she will said Bernard with a sigh.
I always do said Ethel in a snappy tone.
Just then there was a great clatter outside and the sound of hoofs and
a loud neigh. The barouche I take it said Bernard rising slowly.
Quite correct sir said Minnit flinging wide the portles.
Well goodbye Alf old man said Bernard Clark good luck and God bless
you he added in a pius tone.
Not at all said Mr Salteena I have enjoyed my stop which has been
short and sweet well goodbye Ethel my child he said as bag in hand he
proceeded to the door. Francis Minnit bowed low and handed a small
parcel to Mr Salteena a few sandwighs for the jorney sir he remarked.
Oh this is most kind said Mr Salteena.
Minnit closed his eyes with a tired smile. Not kind sir he muttered
quite usual.
Oh really said Mr Salteena feeling rather [Pg 47] flabergasted well
goodbye my good fellow and he slipped 2/6 into the butlers open palm.
Mr Salteena had to travel first class as active Horace ran on to buy
the ticket which he presented with a low bow the _Times_ and
_Tit-Bits_. Oh many thanks my man said Mr Salteena in a most airy
voice now will you find me a corner seat in the train eh.
If there is one sir replied Horace.
In got Mr Salteena to his first class carrage surrounded by his
luggage carefully piled up by kindly Horace. The other pasengers
looked full of envy at the curly white wig and green plush uniform of
Horace. Mr Salteena crossed his legs in a lordly way and flung a fur
rug over his knees though he was hot enough in all consciunce. He
began to feel this was the thin end of the partition and he smiled as
he gently tapped the letter in his coat tail pocket. When Mr Salteena
arrived in [Pg 48] London he began to strolle up the principle streets
thinking how gay all was. Presently he beheld a resterant with a big
Menu outside and he went boldly in.
It was a sumpshous spot all done up in gold with plenty of looking
glasses. Many hansome ladies and gentlemen were already partaking of
choice food and rich wines and whiskey and the scene was most lively.
Mr Salteena had a little whiskey to make him feel more at home. Then
he eat some curry to the tune of a merry valse on the band. He beat
time to the music and smiled kindly at the waiters and he felt very
excited inside. I am seeing life with a vengance he muttered to
himself as he paid his bill at the desk. Outside Mr Salteena found a
tall policeman. Could you direct me to the Crystale Pallace if you
please said Mr Salteena nervously.
Well said the geniul policeman my advice would be to take a cab sir.
[Pg 49]
Oh would it said Mr Salteena then I will do so.
He hailed a Hansome and got speedily in to the Crystal Palace he cried
gaily and holding his bag on his knees he prepared to enjoy the sights
of the Metropilis. It was a merry drive and all too soon the Palace
heaved in view. Mr Salteena sprang out and paid the man and then he
entered the wondrous edifice. His heart beat very fast as two huge men
in gold braid flung open the doors. Inside was a lovely fountain in
the middle and all round were little stalls where you could buy sweets
and lemonade also scent handkerchiefs and many dainty articles. There
were a lot of peaple but nobody very noteable.
At last after buying two bottles of scent and some rarther nice sweets
which stuck to his teeth Mr Salteena beheld a wooden door on which was
nailed a notice saying To the Privite Compartments.
Ah ha said Mr Salteena to himself this is [Pg 50] evidently my next move,
and he gently pushed open the door straitening his top hat as he did so.
Inside he found himself in a dimly lit passage with a thick and
handsom carpet. Mr Salteena gazed round and beheld in the gloom a very
superier gentleman in full evening dress who was reading a newspaper
and warming his hands on the hot water pipes. Mr Salteena advanced on