The Young Visiters or, Mr. Salteena's Plan
tiptoe and coughed gently as so far the gentleman had paid no
attention. However at the second cough he raised his eyes in a weary
fashion. do you want anything he asked in a most noble voice.
Mr Salteena got very flustered. Well I am seeking the Earl of Clincham
he began in a trembly voice are you by any chance him he added most
respectfully.
No not exacktly replied the other my name happens to be Edward
Procurio. I am half italian and I am the Groom of the Chambers.
[Pg 51]
What chambers asked Mr Salteena blinking his eyes.
These said Edward Procurio waving a thin arm.
Mr Salteena then noticed several red doors with names of people on
each one. Oh I see he said then perhaps you can tell me where the Earl
of Clincham is to be found.
At the end of the passage fourth door down said Procurio tritely of
course he may be out one never knows what they are up to.
I suppose not said Mr Salteena in an interested tone.
One can not gamble on anything really said Procurio returning to the
hot water pipes though of course I know a lot more than most peaple
about the inmates here.
What are the habbits of the Earl of Clincham said Mr Salteena.
Procurio gave a smile many and varius he replied I cant say much in my
position [Pg 52] but one lives and learns. He heaved a sigh and shruged
his shoulders.
Well good day said Mr Salteena feeling better for the chat.
Procurio nodded in silence as Mr Salteena trotted off down the
passage. At last he came to a door labelled Clincham Earl of in big
letters. With a beating heart Mr Salteena pulled the bell and the door
swung open of its own accord. At the same moment a cheery voice rang
out from the distance. Come in please I am in the study first door on
left.
With a nervous bound Mr Salteena obeyd these directions and found
himself in a small but handsome compartment done in dark green lether
with crests on the chairs. Over the mantlepiece was hung the painting
of a lady in a low neck looking quite the thing. By the desk was
seated a tall man of 35 with very nice eyes of a twinkly nature and
curly hair he wore a quite plain suit of palest grey but well [Pg 53]
made and on the table reposed a grey top hat which had evidently been
on his head recently. He had a rose in his button hole also a signet
ring.
Hullo said this pleasant fellow as Mr. Salteena was spell bound on
mat.
Hullo your Lord Ship responded our hero bowing low and dropping his
top hat do I adress the Earl of Clincham.
You do said the Earl with a homely smile and who do I adress eh.
Our hero bowed again Alfred Salteena he said in deep tones.
Oh I see said the kindly earl well come in my man and tell me who you
are.
Mr Salteena seated himself gingerly on the edge of a crested chair.
To tell you the truth my Lord I am not anyone of import and I am not a
gentleman as they say he ended getting very red and hot.
Have some whiskey said lord Clincham and he poured the liquid into a
glass at his [Pg 54] elbow. Mr. Salteena lapped it up thankfully.
Well my man said the good natured earl what I say is what dose it
matter we cant all be of the Blood royal can we.
No said Mr Salteena but I suppose you are.
Lord Clincham waved a careless hand. A small portion flows in my viens
he said but it dose not worry me at all and after all he added piously
at the Day of Judgement what will be the odds.
Mr Salteena heaved a sigh. I was thinking of this world he said.
Oh I see said the Earl but my own idear is that these things are as
piffle before the wind.
Not being an earl I cant say answered our hero but may I beg you to
read this letter my Lord. He produced Bernards note from his coat
tails. The Earl of Clincham took it in his long fingers. This is what
he read.
[Pg 55]
My dear Clincham
The bearer of this letter is an old friend of mine not quite the
right side of the blanket as they say in fact he is the son of a
first rate butcher but his mother was a decent family called
Hyssopps of the Glen so you see he is not so bad and is desireus of
being the correct article. Could you rub him up a bit in Socierty
ways. I dont know much details about him but no doubt he will
supply all you need. I am keeping well and hope you are. I must run
up to the Compartments one day and look you up.
Yours as ever your faithfull friend
Bernard Clark.
The Earl gave a slight cough and gazed at Mr Salteena thourghtfully.
Have you much money he asked and are you prepared to spend a good
deal.
Oh yes quite gasped Mr Salteena I have plenty in the bank and L10 in
ready gold in my purse.
[Pg 56]
You see these compartments are the haunts of the Aristockracy said the
earl and they are kept going by peaple who have got something funny in
their family and who want to be less mere if you can comprehend.
Indeed I can said Mr Salteena.
Personally I am a bit parshial to mere people said his Lordship but
the point is that we charge a goodly sum for our training here but
however if you cant pay you need not join.
I can and will proclaimed Mr Salteena and he placed a L10 note on the
desk. His Lordship slipped it in his trouser pocket. It will be L42
before I have done with you he said but you can pay me here and there
as convenient.
Oh thankyou cried Mr Salteena.
Not at all said the Earl and now to bissness. While here you will live
in compartments in the basement known as Lower Range. You will get
many hints from the Groom of the Chambers as to clothes and [Pg 57]
ettiquett to menials. You will mix with me for grammer and I might take
you out hunting or shooting sometimes to give you a few tips. Also I
have lots of ladies partys which you will attend occasionally.
Mr Salteenas eyes flashed with excitement. I shall enjoy that he
cried.
His Lordship coughed loudly. You may not marry while under instruction
he said firmly.
Oh I shall not need to thankyou said Mr Salteena.
You must also decide on a profeshion said his Lordship as your
instruction will vary according.
Could I be anything at Buckingham Pallace said Mr Salteena with
flashing eyes.
Oh well I dont quite know said the noble earl but you might perhaps
gallopp beside the royal baroushe if you care to try.
Oh indeed I should cried Mr Salteena I am very fond of fresh air and
royalties.
Well said the earl with a knowing smile [Pg 58] I might arrange it with
the prince of Wales who I am rarther intimate with.
Not really gasped Mr Salteena.
Dear me yes remarked the earl carelessly and if we decide for you to
gallopp by the royal viacle you must be mesured for some plush
knickerbockers at once.
Mr Salteena glanced at his rarther fat legs and sighed.
Well I must go out now and call on a few Dowigers said his Lordship
picking up his elegent top hat. Well au revoir he added with a good
french accent.
Adieu my Lord cried Mr Salteena not to be out done we meet anon I take
it.
Not till tomorrow answered the earl you will now proceed to the lower
regions where you will no doubt find tea. He nodded kindly and glided
out in silence.
Here I will end my chapter.
[Pg 59]
CHAPTER 6
HIGH LIFE
Mr Salteena awoke next morning in his small but pleasant room. It was
done in green and white with Monagrams on the toilit set. He had a
tiny white bed with a green quilt and a picture of the Nativaty and
one of Windsor Castle on the walls. The sun was shining over all these
things as Mr Salteena opened his sleepy eyes. Just then there was rat
tat on the door. Come in called Mr Salteena and in came Edward
Procurio ballancing a tray very cleverly. He looked most elegant with
his shiny black hair and pale yellow face and half shut eyes. He
smiled in a very mystearious and superier way as he placed the tray on
Mr Salteenas pointed knees.
Your early beverage he announced and [Pg 60] began to pull up the blinds
still smiling to himself.
Oh thankyou cried Mr Salteena feeling very towzld compared to this
grand fellow. Then to his great supprise Procurio began to open the
wardrobe and look at Mr Salteenas suits making italian exclamations
under his breath. Mr Salteena dare not say a word so he swollowed his
tea and eat a Marie biscuit hastilly. Presently Procurio advanced to
the bed with a bright blue serge suit. Will you wear this today sir he
asked quietly.
Oh certainly said Mr Salteena.
And a clean shirt would not come amiss said Procurio what about this
pale blue and white stripe.
With pleashure replied Mr Salteena. So Procurio laid them out in neat
array also a razer and brush for shaving. Then he opened a door saying
This is the bath room shall I turn on hot or cold.
[Pg 61]
I dont mind said Mr Salteena feeling very hot and ignorant.
It is best for you to decide sir said Procurio firmly.
Well I will try cold said Mr Salteena feeling it was more manly to say
that. Procurio bowed and beat a retreat to the bath room. Then he
returned and told Mr. Salteena that when he was washed he would find
his breakfast in the sitting room. When Mr Salteena was dressed in his
best blue suit and clean shirt he stroled into the sitting room where
a gay canary was singing fit to burst in the window and a copple of
doves cooing in a whicker cage. A cheery smell greeted him as Procurio
glided in with some steaming coffie. Mr Salteena felt more at home and
passed a few remarks about the weather. Procurio smiled and uncovered
some lovely kidnys on toast and as he did so bent and whispered in Mr
Salteenas ear you could have come in in your dressing gown.
[Pg 62]
Mr Salteena gave a start. Oh can I he said ten thousand thanks.
Then Procurio passed out and Mr Salteena finnished his kidneys and
chiruped to the birds and had a cigarette from a handsome purple box
which he found on the desk. Then Procurio entered once more and with a
bow said. His lordship is going to a levie this morning and thinks it
might amuse you to go too. Could you be ready by 11 oclock.
Oh yes what fun said Mr Salteena have you any notion what a levie is
my man.
Procurio gave a superier smile. It is a party given by the Queen to
very superier peaple but this one is given by the Prince of Wales as
the Queen is not quite her usual self today. It will be at Buckingham
palace so you will drive with his lordship.
Mr Salteena was fearfully excited. What shall I weare he gasped.
Well of course you ought to have black satin knickerbockers and a hat
with white [Pg 63] feathers also garters and a star or two.
You supprise me said Mr Salteena I have none of those articles.
Well said Procurio kindly his lordship will lend you his second best
cocked hat as you are obliged to wear one and I think with a little
thourght I might rig you up so as to pass muster.
Then they rumaged among Mr Salteenas things and Procurio got very
intelligent and advised Mr Salteena to were his black evening suit and
role up his trousers. He also lent him a pair of white silk stockings
which he fastened tightly round his knees with red rosettes. Then he
quickly cut out a star in silver paper and pinned it to his chest and
also added a strip of red ribbon across his shirt front. Then Mr
Salteena survayed himself in the glass. Is it a fancy dress party he
asked.
No they always were that kind of thing but wait till you see his
Lordship--if you are ready sir I will conduct you in.
[Pg 64]
Mr Salteena followed Procurio up countless stairs till they came to
the Earls compartments and tapped on the bedroom door.
Come in cried a merry voice and in they strode.
I have done my best with Mr Salteena my lord I trust he will do the
hat of course will make a deal of diffrence.
Mr Salteena bowed nervously wishing he had got correct knickerbockers