The Young Visiters or, Mr. Salteena's Plan
as his trousers did not feel too firm in spite of the garters.
Not half bad cried the earl try on the hat Salteena it is on my bed.
Mr Salteena placed it on his head and the feathers and gold braid
became him very well but he felt very jellous of the earl who looked a
sight for the gods. He had proper satin knickerbockers with diamond
clasps and buckled shoes and black silk stockings which showed up his
long fine legs. He had a floppy shirt of softist muslin with real lace
collar and cuffs. A sword hung at [Pg 65] his side and a crimson sash
was round his waist and a splendid cocked hat on his head. His blue
eyes twinkled as he pulled on a pair of white kid gloves.
Well come on Salteena he cried and dont be nervus I will get you a
pair of knickers tomorrow. Will you get a hansome Procurio.
Presently the earl and Mr Salteena were clattering away to Buckingham
palace.
You wont mind if I introduce you as Lord Hyssops do you said the earl
as he lit his pipe. You see you are sort of mixed up with the family
so it wont matter and will look better.
So it would said Mr Salteena what do we do at the levie.
Oh we strole round and eat ices and champaigne and that kind of thing
and sometimes there is a little music.
Is there any dancing asked Mr Salteena.
Well not always said the Earl.
I am glad of that said Mr Salteena I am [Pg 66] not so nimble as I was
and my garters are a trifle tight.
Sometimes we talk about the laws and politics said the earl if Her
Majesty is in that kind of a mood.
Just then the splendid edifice appeared in view and Mr Salteena licked
his dry lips at sight of the vast crowd. All round were carrages full
of costly peaple and outside the railings stood tall Life Guards
keeping off the mere peaple who had gathered to watch the nobility
clatter up. Lord Clincham began to bow right and left raising his
cocked hat to his friends. There was a lot of laughter and friendly
words as the cab finally drew up at the front door. Two tall life
guards whisked open the doors and one of them kindly tipped the
cabman. Mr Salteena followed his lordship up the grand steps trying to
feel as homely as he could. Then a splendid looking fellow in a red
tunick and a sort of black velvit tam a [Pg 67] shanter stepped forward
from the throng shouting what name please.
The Earl of Clincham and Lord Hyssops calmly replied the earl gently
nudging Mr Salteena to act up. Mr Salteena nodded and blinked at the
menial as much as to say all is well and then he and the earl hung up
their cocked hats on two pegs. This way cried a deep voice and another
menial apeared wearing stiff white britches top boots and a green
velvit coat with a leather belt also a very shiny top hat. They
followed this fellow down countless corridoors and finally came to big
folding doors. The earl twiddled his mustache and slapped his leg with
his white glove as calmly as could be. Mr Salteena purspired rarther
hard and gave a hitch to his garters to make sure.
Then the portles divided and their names were shouted in chorus by
countless domesticks. The sumshious room was packed with men of a
noble nature dressed like the earl in satin knickerboccers etc and
with [Pg 68] ladies of every hue with long trains and jewels by the
dozen. You could hardly moove in the gay throng. Dukes were as nought
as there were a good lot of princes and Arch Dukes as it was a very
superier levie indeed. The earl and Mr Salteena struggled through the
crowd till they came to a platform draped with white velvit. Here on a
golden chair was seated the prince of Wales in a lovely ermine cloak
and a small but costly crown. He was chatting quite genially with some
of the crowd.
Up clambered the earl followed at top speed by Mr Salteena.
Hullo Clincham cried the Prince quite homely and not at all grand so
glad you turned up--quite a squash eh.
A bit over powering your Highness said the earl who was quite used to
all this may I introduce my friend Lord Hyssops he is staying with me
so I thought I would bring him along if you dont mind Prince.
Not at all cried the genial prince looking [Pg 69] rarther supprised.
Mr Salteena bowed so low he nearly fell off the platform and as the
prince put out a hand Mr Salteena thought he had better kiss it. The
Prince smiled kindly I am pleased to see you Lord Hyssops he said in a
regal voice.
Then the Earl chipped in and how is the dear Queen he said reveruntly.
Not up to much said his Highness she feels the heat poor soul and he
waved to a placard which said in large letters The Queen is
indisposed.
Presently his Highness rose I think I will have a quiet glass of
champaigne he said you come too Clincham and bring your friend the
Diplomats are arriving and I am not much in the mood for deep talk I
have already signed a dozen documents so I have done my duty.
They all went out by a private door and found themselves in a smaller
but gorgous room. The Prince tapped on the table and instantly two
menials in red tunics appeared. [Pg 70] Bring three glasses of champaigne
commanded the prince and some ices he added majestikally. The goods
appeared as if by majic and the prince drew out a cigar case and
passed it round.
One grows weary of Court Life he remarked.
Ah yes agreed the earl.
It upsets me said the prince lapping up his strawberry ice all I want
is peace and quiut and a little fun and here I am tied down to this
life he said taking off his crown being royal has many painfull
drawbacks.
True mused the Earl.
Silence fell and the strains of the band could be heard from the next
room. Suddenly the prince gazed at Mr Salteena. Who did you say you
were he asked in a puzzled tone.
Lord Hyssops responded our hero growing purple at the lie.
Well you are not a bit like the Lord [Pg 71] Hyssops I know replied the
Prince could you explain matters.
Mr Salteena gazed helplessly at the earl who had grown very pale and
seemed lost for the moment. However he quickly recovered.
He is quite alright really Prince he said His mother was called Miss
Hyssops of the Glen.
Indeed said his royal Highness that sounds correct but who was your
father eh.
Then Mr Salteena thourght he would not tell a lie so in trembly tones
he muttered My poor father was but a butcher your Highness a very
honest one I may add and passing rich he was called Domonic Salteena
and my name is Alfred Salteena.
The Prince stroked his yellow beard and rarther admired Mr Salteena
for his truthful utterance--Oh I see he said well why did you palm off
on my menials as Lord Hyssops eh
Mr Salteena wiped his swetting brow but [Pg 72] the earl came to the
rescue nobly. My fault entirely Prince he chimed in, as I was bringing
him to this very supearier levie I thought it would be better to say he
was of noble birth have I offended your Royal dignity.
Not much said the prince it was a laudible notion and perhaps I will
ask Mr Salteena to one of my big balls some day.
Oh your Highness gasped our hero falling on one knee that would indeed
be a treat.
I suppose Prince you have not got a job going at this palace for my
friend asked the earl you see I am rubbing him up in socierty ways and
he fancies court life as a professhon.
Oh dose he said the prince blinking his eyes well I might see.
I suggested if there was a vacency going he might try cantering after
the royal barouche said the earl.
So he might said the prince I will speak [Pg 73] to the prime Minister
about it and let you know.
Ten thousand thanks cried Mr Salteena bowing low.
Well now I must get along back to the levie announced the prince
putting on his crown I have booked a valse with the Arch duchess of
Greenwich and this is her favorite tune. So saying they issued back to
the big room where the nobility were whirling gaily roand the more
searious peaple such as the prime minister and the admirals etc were
eating ices and talking passionately about the laws in a low
undertone.
The earl was soon mingling gaily in a set of lancers but Mr Salteena
dare not because of his trousers. However he sat on a velvit chair and
quite enjoyed over hearing the intelligent conversation of the prime
minister. And now we will leave our hero enjoying his glimpse of high
life and return to Ethel Monticue.
[Pg 74]
CHAPTER 7
BERNARDS IDEAR
After Mr Salteena had departed Bernard Clark thourght he would show
Ethel over his house so they spent a merry morning so doing. Ethel
passed bright remarks on all the rooms and Bernard thourght she was
most pretty and Ethel began to be a bit excited. After a lovly lunch
they sat in the gloomy hall and Ethel began to feel very glad Mr
Salteena was not there. Suddenly Bernard lit his pipe I was thinking
he said passionately what about going up to London for a weeks
Gaierty.
Who inquired Ethel in a low tone.
You and me said Bernard I know of several splendid hotels and we could
go to theaters and parties and enjoy ourselves to the full.
[Pg 75]
So we could what an idear cried Ethel.
So the merry plan was all arranged and they spent the afternoon in
packing there trunks. Next day they were all ready in the hall when
the handsome viacle once more clattered up. Ethel had on her blue
velvit get up and a sweet new hat and plenty of ruge on her face and
looked quite a seemly counterpart for Bernard who was arrayed in a
white and shiny mackintosh top boots and a well brushed top hat tied
on to him with a bit of black elastick.
Well goodbye Minnit he cried to the somber butler take care of your
gout and the silver and I will pay your wages when I come back.
Thankyou kindly sir murmured Minnit when may I expect your return.
Oh well I will wire he said and dashed doun the steps.
Ethel followed with small lady like steps having bowed perlitely to
Minnit who closed his eyes in acknowlegment of her kindness.
[Pg 76]
The sun was shining and Ethel had the feeling of going to a very jolly
party and felt so sorry for all the passers by who were not going to
London with Bernard.
Arrived in the gay city Bernard hailed a eab to the manner born and
got in followed by Ethel. Kindly drive us to the Gaierty Hotel he
cried in a firm tone. The cabman waved his whip and off they dashed.
We shall be highly comfortable and select at the Gaierty said Bernard
and he thourght to himself how lovly it would be if he was married to
Ethel. He blushed a deep shade at his own thourghts and gave a side
long glance at Ethel who was gazing out of the window. Well one never
knows he murmerd to himself and as one of the poets says great events
from trivil causes springs.
Just then they stopped at the gay hotel and Ethel was spellbound at
the size of the big hall--Bernard poked his head into the window of
the pay desk. Have you a coupple [Pg 77] of bedrooms for self and young
lady he enquired in a lordly way.
A very handsome lady with golden hair and a lace apron glanced at a
book and hastilly replied Oh yes sir two beauties on the 1st floor
number 9 and 10.
Thankyou said Bernard we will go up if you have no objection.
None whatever sir said the genial lady the beds are well aired and the
view is quite pleasant.
Come along Ethel cried Bernard this sounds alright eh.
Oh quite said Ethel with a beaming smile.
They went upstairs and entered number 9 a very fine compartment with a
large douny bed and white doors with glass handles leading into number
10 an equally dainty room but a trifle smaller.
Which will you have Ethel asked Bernard.
Oh well I would rarther you settled it [Pg 78] said Ethel. I am willing
to abide by your choice.
The best shall be yours then said Bernard bowing gallantly and
pointing to the biggest room.
Ethel blushed at his speaking look. I shall be quite lost in that huge