Twelfth Night
most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have
found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make
your peace with him if I can.
VIOLA.
I shall be much bound to you for’t. I am one that had rather go with
sir priest than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle.
[_Exeunt._]
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.
SIR TOBY.
Why, man, he’s a very devil. I have not seen such a firago. I had a
pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in
with such a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
pays you as surely as your feet hits the ground they step on. They say
he has been fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW.
Pox on’t, I’ll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY.
Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.
SIR ANDREW.
Plague on’t, an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence,
I’d have seen him damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let the
matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
SIR TOBY.
I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good show on’t. This shall end
without the perdition of souls. [_Aside._] Marry, I’ll ride your horse
as well as I ride you.
Enter Fabian and Viola.
[_To Fabian._] I have his horse to take up the quarrel. I have
persuaded him the youth’s a devil.
FABIAN.
He is as horribly conceited of him, and pants and looks pale, as if a
bear were at his heels.
SIR TOBY.
There’s no remedy, sir, he will fight with you for’s oath sake. Marry,
he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for the supportance of
his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
VIOLA.
[_Aside._] Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them
how much I lack of a man.
FABIAN.
Give ground if you see him furious.
SIR TOBY.
Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy, the gentleman will for his
honour’s sake have one bout with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it;
but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not
hurt you. Come on: to’t.
SIR ANDREW.
[_Draws._] Pray God he keep his oath!
Enter Antonio.
VIOLA.
[_Draws._] I do assure you ’tis against my will.
ANTONIO.
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me.
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY.
You, sir? Why, what are you?
ANTONIO.
[_Draws._] One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
SIR TOBY.
[_Draws._] Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
Enter Officers.
FABIAN.
O good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.
SIR TOBY.
[_To Antonio._] I’ll be with you anon.
VIOLA.
[_To Sir Andrew._] Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW.
Marry, will I, sir; and for that I promised you, I’ll be as good as my
word. He will bear you easily, and reins well.
FIRST OFFICER.
This is the man; do thy office.
SECOND OFFICER.
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
Of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO.
You do mistake me, sir.
FIRST OFFICER.
No, sir, no jot. I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.—
Take him away, he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO.
I must obey. This comes with seeking you;
But there’s no remedy, I shall answer it.
What will you do? Now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse. It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you,
Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz’d,
But be of comfort.
SECOND OFFICER.
Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO.
I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA.
What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have show’d me here,
And part being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability
I’ll lend you something. My having is not much;
I’ll make division of my present with you.
Hold, there’s half my coffer.
ANTONIO.
Will you deny me now?
Is’t possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
VIOLA.
I know of none,
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO.
O heavens themselves!
SECOND OFFICER.
Come, sir, I pray you go.
ANTONIO.
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch’d one half out of the jaws of death,
Reliev’d him with such sanctity of love;
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
FIRST OFFICER.
What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!
ANTONIO.
But O how vile an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
In nature there’s no blemish but the mind;
None can be call’d deform’d but the unkind.
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks, o’erflourished by the devil.
FIRST OFFICER.
The man grows mad, away with him. Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO.
Lead me on.
[_Exeunt Officers with Antonio._]
VIOLA.
Methinks his words do from such passion fly
That he believes himself; so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!
SIR TOBY.
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We’ll whisper o’er a couplet
or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA.
He nam’d Sebastian. I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate. O if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!
[_Exit._]
SIR TOBY.
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare. His
dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity, and denying
him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN.
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
SIR ANDREW.
’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.
SIR TOBY.
Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
SIR ANDREW.
And I do not—
[_Exit._]
FABIAN.
Come, let’s see the event.
SIR TOBY.
I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.
[_Exeunt._]
ACT IV.
SCENE I. The Street before Olivia’s House.
Enter Sebastian and Clown.
CLOWN.
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
SEBASTIAN.
Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow.
Let me be clear of thee.
CLOWN.
Well held out, i’ faith! No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to
you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not
Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so, is
so.
SEBASTIAN.
I prithee vent thy folly somewhere else,
Thou know’st not me.
CLOWN.
Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now
applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the
world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness, and
tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I vent to her that thou art
coming?
SEBASTIAN.
I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me.
There’s money for thee; if you tarry longer
I shall give worse payment.
CLOWN.
By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give fools
money get themselves a good report—after fourteen years’ purchase.
Enter Sir Andrew, Sir Toby and Fabian.
SIR ANDREW.
Now sir, have I met you again? There’s for you.
[_Striking Sebastian._]
SEBASTIAN.
Why, there’s for thee, and there, and there.
Are all the people mad?
[_Beating Sir Andrew._]
SIR TOBY.
Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the house.
CLOWN.
This will I tell my lady straight. I would not be in some of your coats
for twopence.
[_Exit Clown._]
SIR TOBY.
Come on, sir, hold!
SIR ANDREW.
Nay, let him alone, I’ll go another way to work with him. I’ll have an
action of battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria. Though I
struck him first, yet it’s no matter for that.
SEBASTIAN.
Let go thy hand!
SIR TOBY.
Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your
iron: you are well fleshed. Come on.
SEBASTIAN.
I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now?
If thou dar’st tempt me further, draw thy sword.
[_Draws._]
SIR TOBY.
What, what? Nay, then, I must have an ounce or two of this malapert
blood from you.
[_Draws._]
Enter Olivia.
OLIVIA.
Hold, Toby! On thy life I charge thee hold!
SIR TOBY.
Madam.
OLIVIA.
Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
Where manners ne’er were preach’d! Out of my sight!
Be not offended, dear Cesario.
Rudesby, be gone!
[_Exeunt Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Fabian._]
I prithee, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch’d up, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this. Thou shalt not choose but go.
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine, in thee.
SEBASTIAN.
What relish is in this? How runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream.
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
OLIVIA.
Nay, come, I prithee. Would thou’dst be ruled by me!
SEBASTIAN.
Madam, I will.
OLIVIA.
O, say so, and so be!
[_Exeunt._]
SCENE II. A Room in Olivia’s House.
Enter Maria and Clown.
MARIA.
Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; make him believe thou
art Sir Topas the curate. Do it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.
[_Exit Maria._]
CLOWN.
Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in’t, and I would I
were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall
enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a
good student, but to be said, an honest man and a good housekeeper goes
as fairly as to say, a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors
enter.
Enter Sir Toby and Maria.
SIR TOBY.
Jove bless thee, Master Parson.
CLOWN.
_Bonos dies_, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw
pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, ‘That that
is, is’: so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is
‘that’ but ‘that’? and ‘is’ but ‘is’?
SIR TOBY.
To him, Sir Topas.
CLOWN.
What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!
SIR TOBY.
The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.
Malvolio within.
MALVOLIO.
Who calls there?
CLOWN.
Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.
MALVOLIO.
Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.
CLOWN.
Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing
but of ladies?
SIR TOBY.
Well said, Master Parson.
MALVOLIO.
Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do not think I
am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness.
CLOWN.
Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I
am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with
courtesy. Say’st thou that house is dark?
MALVOLIO.
As hell, Sir Topas.
CLOWN.
Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the
clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet
complainest thou of obstruction?
MALVOLIO.
I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.
CLOWN.
Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which
thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.
MALVOLIO.
I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark
as hell; and I say there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad
than you are. Make the trial of it in any constant question.
CLOWN.