Twenty Years of Hus'ling
led in prayer the other evening?"
I told him I didn't remember just what evening I did attend
prayer-meeting last, but didn't think I was the one he alluded to.
I then said: "Brother Long, I am representing Warner's patent dropper
for a reaping-machine, and am desirous of making you agent for this
County. I don't ask you to invest anything, nor to give your signature;
neither do I give you mine. I simply leave you a model, and you are to
sell as many as possible, on which we allow you a regular commission of
twenty-five per cent. Or, if you see fit to buy a few counties, you can
then make fifty per cent. on all you sell in your own territory; and
should you sell any County rights for us we would allow you all over one
hundred dollars that you got for them." He said he wouldn't care to
invest the cash, although he would like to own enough County rights to
make him a nice business.
I then told him I would trade for a good team of horses. He said he
owned a first-class team, which he held at six hundred dollars.
I at once saw that he wasn't very slow himself in dealing, as I had been
informed that he had offered his team for three hundred dollars. He said
he didn't think he would care to let the team go and take it all in
County rights; but he would take two counties and four hundred dollars
in cash.
I looked the horses over, and liked them first rate; and thought they
would make a fine pair on the road. I then said: "Brother Long, I am
anxious to get you interested in this invention, and I'll make you an
offer, although I may not be able to carry out my part of the contract;
but if I don't, you will be one county ahead anyway."
He asked what my proposition would be. I told him I would give him
Sandusky County and four hundred dollars, provided I could induce Mr.
Warner, the inventor, to advance that amount. And as evidence of my good
faith and to bind the bargain, I would deed him the County then and
there, and he was to keep the team till the fifteenth of the next month,
when, if I didn't take them and pay over the four hundred dollars, we
would forfeit the County. He said that was perfectly satisfactory.
Before leaving him I remarked that I felt certain that just as soon as
he saw what a good thing he had, he would gladly take County rights for
the balance due on the horses.
He said: "Possibly."
He commenced operations at once. In a very few days he came rushing up
to Mr. Keefer's house, and with much excitement demanded a deed for four
more counties. I made it out for him, and asked if he wanted to pay
currency or give a check for it.
"O, no," he said; "Neither. I want to sell them to a customer of mine,
and then I'll bring you the money."
I informed him that such a proceeding would be contrary to my orders
and custom of doing business.
He then suggested that I take the horses and give him the deed, as I had
bargained for them anyhow.
I agreed to this, and he delivered them to me on presentation of the
deed.
As he left the house he smiled triumphantly, and holding up the deed,
said: "I'll clear just five hundred dollars on this!"
I enjoyed a few rides, and was about to trade for a carriage and
harness, when one evening a day or two after our deal, I came into the
dining room from the back door of Mr. Keefer's house, and heard the
sound of a familiar voice issuing from the sitting-room. It said:
"Sister Keefer, I have made a great mistake. Will you induce your son to
trade back?"
I stepped inside, and Brother Long came forward in his usual solemn,
prayerful manner, and taking me by the hand, said: "Brother Johnston,
may the Lord have mercy upon us."
I said: "Amen, Brother Long; what can I do for you? How many counties do
you want this time?"
"My dear young brother, I have more counties than I need, more than I
can use."
"But," I said, "you haven't any more than you bargained for."
"Indeed, Brother Johnston, I can never sell it all. Will you please
trade back? This is my first experience in the patent-right business,
and pray to the Lord it shall be the last."
I asked what had become of his customer, and inquired his name.
Brother Long went on then to explain how an Irishman, living neighbor to
him, had called at his house and, after seeing the model, went half
crazy over it, and wanted to buy ten counties. He agreed to pay in the
neighborhood of a thousand dollars, and in his enthusiasm made a deposit
of "tin dollars, as ividence of me good faith." On the strength of that
sale he had made the trade.
"Well, Great Heavens!" said I, "aren't you satisfied with five or six
hundred dollars profit, on a little deal like that?"
"Yes," he answered; "had I sold the counties the profits would have
suited all right."
"But you just told me you had sold them, and the Irishman had deposited
ten dollars to bind the bargain."
"True, he did," said Brother Long, "but he came back the next day after
I had traded, and said: 'A divil a bit of a county can I take at all, at
all. Me old wife threatens to scald me, if I bring even one county into
the house!'"
"Well, but you kept his ten dollars, didn't you?"
"Of course I did," he yelled out.
"Well, then, you ought to be satisfied," I ventured to remark.
"What! Satisfied with ten dollars?"
"Yes; with all these County rights besides."
"Brother Johnston," said he, "will you trade back, and give me the team
for the counties?"
I answered: "I am not trading for territory, Brother Long. I am selling
it."
About this time the greater portion of Brother Long's family appeared on
the scene, and were re-inforced by my mother in their entreaties to me
to trade back. She said it was too bad for Brother Long, and I _must_ do
it.
Mr. Keefer said: "It did beat the d----l!"
I then told Brother Long that I was like him in this respect, that I
wasn't doing business exclusively for glory; and that a few dollars,
just at that stage of the game, would be a matter of great consideration
with me.
He then offered me two dollars if I would trade back.
"Well, Brother Long," said I, "you begin to talk now as I want to hear
you, except that your figures are a little below my idea of a fair
compensation for my trouble."
He then anxiously inquired what my ideas were of what would be right.
"About one hundred and fifty dollars," I answered.
"O, Heavens! what shall I do? Sister Keefer, what shall I do? Shall we
engage in prayer? What shall I do? What shall I do?"
Then they surrounded me, and made a general clamor for a compromise.
I dropped to a hundred dollars.
He offered twenty-five.
I fell to seventy-five.
He offered to split the difference, and he to return all the territory
except one county.
After thinking the matter all over, and considering that he was a nice
old gentleman and a Methodist brother, I concluded to trade back.
A few days later Brother Long and I met in the Post-office just when the
mail was being distributed, and the place crowded. We were the center of
attraction.
He smiled grimly at me, and while passing by said: "The fools are not
all dead yet, are they, Johnston?"
"No, Brother Long," I answered; "and there is no fool like an old fool."
About three weeks later I started on a tour through Ohio, making several
agents and selling a few Township and County rights.
Another little experience with a Methodist deacon will come in here, and
I will tell it. He was a farmer, living a few miles south of Marion,
Ohio.
I had hired a rig, in the above town, to drive into the country to meet
a gentleman with whom I had previously made an engagement. When our
business was finished and I was about to leave, he bantered me to call
on his neighbor, Deacon ----, who had a notorious reputation for his
hatred of agents and peddlers.
As I always considered it good practice to meet such men, I was glad of
the chance to make this particular visit. I reached the house just as
the deacon and his sons came in for dinner.
I hitched my horse, and when about to pass through the gate the front
door opened, and the man's voice, at its highest pitch, shouted out:
"Stop right where you are sir. Stop; stop, I tell you. Stop!"
I put my hand to my ear, as if hard of hearing, and imitating as nearly
as I could the tone peculiar to deaf persons, said: "No, no, thank you;
I don't care to put my horse out. I can feed her after I get to Marion.
No, no; never mind; just as much obliged." By this time I had reached
the door, and passed directly inside.
I had the floor.
And I did all the talking for the first half hour.
The old gentleman concluded that I was an exception to the general run
of agents. He then began talking religion, as soon as I quit talking
Patent rights. He said I ought to make my peace with God; and when I
replied that God and I had always been on splendid terms, he became
almost frantic, and said that I was worse than any lightning-rod agent,
and added that there never was an agent of any kind who ever pretended
to tell the truth, and he wouldn't believe any of them under oath. I
then said I wouldn't expect him to believe my statements, so would leave
the question entirely with him and his sons whether they would deal or
not. They soon began talking business to the point.
I figured on paper, and showed how one son could make more money in a
single year, with one County right, than they could all make on the farm
in two years.
My price for the County was one hundred dollars.
They proposed to give fifty, and I offered to split the difference and
take seventy-five.
This was satisfactory, provided I would take half cash, and a note for
the balance payable in one year. I agreed to it, if the old gentleman
would go to Marion with me and help negotiate the note.
He said he had got to go to town anyhow, and would ride with me; and the
boys could drive over after him that evening.
After making out the necessary papers and receiving my cash, we started
on the turn-pike road towards Marion.
While riding along, the old gentleman gave me some very wholesome
advice, saying he didn't do it because he really thought me to be a very
bad fellow, but he wanted to see every young man grow up to be truthful,
moral, honorable and upright. I thanked him, and told him I believed he
was a mighty nice man. He said that was the reputation he bore
thereabouts.
While driving leisurely along, conversing on different topics, we came
to a blacksmith's shop on a three-corners, and the old gentleman
remarked that when we came to the toll-gate, if I would tell the old
lady gate-keeper that I came in at that shop, I could save some toll;
adding, that she needn't know but I picked him up somewhere on the road.
"Yes, that's so," I answered. "That's a mighty good scheme."
He seemed to feel highly elated at suggesting such a brilliant idea.
As we were approaching the toll-gate, I said: "I wish you would pay my
toll, and when we get to town I will get some change and hand it back to
you."
When we stopped at the gate he asked: "How much?"
The old lady says: "How far have you come on the pike?"
He turned to me as if expecting me to answer; but I was suddenly taken
with a severe fit of coughing.
The deacon said: "This gentleman came in at the blacksmith shop."
"Four cents," said the gate-keeper. We drove on, and when I began to
laugh he asked what was up.
"Well, I'll tell you; I was just laughing to think how much more I am
like Jim Fisk than you are."
"How so?"
"Well, sir, I might possibly tell eight lies for a dollar, but I
wouldn't tell one for a shilling."
He seemed much chagrined, when I put the matter before him as I did. He
said, in explanation, that he never believed in toll-gates, anyhow, had
always advocated free turn-pikes, and thought it little harm to