Twenty Years of Hus'ling
jumping to his feet and pounding the table with his fist, he cried out:
"Johnston, you're a ---- fraud! and have nearly succeeded in starving me
to death, and ---- me if I----"
"But, sit down--sit down; let me explain--let me explain."
He resumed his seat, when I began with:
"You see, Johnny, I thought you were partial to boarding-houses, and as
everything was neat and clean and nice and tid----"
"Oh, tidy be ----! Cuss your nice old lady, and her good conversation,
and all the ---- well-bred kids. I'll be cussed if you'll ever come any
such smart tricks on me again. The best will be none too good for me,
hereafter. I thought all the while that you were feeling mighty gay for
a man living on wind and water, and sleeping on a bunch of straw. And I
suppose, if the truth were known, you slipped off up to some hotel every
night after I got to sleep, and staid till five o'clock in the morning,
and then returned in time to make a ---- fool of me. But look out for
breakers hereafter. No more clean, nice, tidy boarding-houses for me, no
matter how home-like it is, nor how good a talker the old woman is. I am
through--through forever, even though all the well-bred children in
Missouri starve for the want of income from boarders, I am going to move
to-day."
We then moved to a respectable hotel, where both were delighted with the
wonderful change.
After leaving Kansas City we remained together for some time, but Johnny
made no improvement in his manner of living till finally his money was
gone and his stock was reduced to a mere handful of goods. At last one
Saturday afternoon we went out to make a sale and I cleaned out the last
dollars' worth and then sold the trunks and declared the business
defunct.
Johnny protested, but I argued with him that the sooner he sold out
entirely and spent the money the sooner he could call on his wife for
more.
He said that was so, and he guessed he would telegraph her to sell
another house and lot and send him the proceeds immediately, with which
he would purchase more goods.
I laughed at the idea and little thought he would do so till about two
weeks later he opened a letter one day containing a draft for several
hundred dollars, and said:
"Johnston there is nothing like striking it rich;" and then queried in
an under tone: "If a man has nothing and his wife has plenty who does
the property belong to?"
He liked the auction business and immediately ordered more goods and
also began showing more extravagance than ever in buying clothing and a
disposition to go out with "the boys" at every town we visited.
I kept "hus'ling" with my polish and let Johnny pay my hotel bills and
the commission due me on auction sales.
I soon saw that all arguments were lost on him so long as his wife owned
another house and lot, so concluded to stay with him as long as there
was anything in it.
He was not long, however, in again bringing the business to a focus. It
happened in this way: One afternoon while I was out selling polish he
engaged in a quiet game of cards "with just enough at stake to make it
interesting," and when the game ended he had not only lost all his ready
cash, but had borrowed about twice as much on the goods as they were
worth, and had also lost that.
He then asked me to loan him some money which I refused to do, but
assured him that I would not see him want for the necessaries of life as
long as he was with me.
I now thought it a good time to urge him to try to sell polish, and lost
no time in doing so. When pressed he declared he wouldn't be caught
going to a house with a valise in his hand for fifty dollars a day.
But he said he had often wished he could be sitting in some one's house
some time when I entered and see how I managed.
I then proposed that he should make some plausible excuse for visiting a
certain house that we should agree upon, and I would call while he was
there.
The next day was Sunday, and when we were out walking he located a
house, and we fixed the next day as the time.
I asked him what excuse he would make few calling.
He said he would make believe he wanted to buy their house and lot, and
the lots adjoining them, and that his intentions were to build a stave
and barrel factory. He had been foreman in such a factory, and could
talk it right to the point.
The next day, after dinner, I asked him if he was going to make that
call and hear me sell polish.
He said yes, he was ready to start then.
He started, and I followed closely after him; and in a very few minutes
after he was admitted, I rang the bell and was also admitted by the
servant, and ushered into the parlor where Johnny was sitting alone. The
girl informed me that her mistress would be down very soon.
I asked Johnny, in a low tone, if he had met the lady of the house yet.
He said he had not, but she had sent word that she would see him in a
few moments.
I stepped across the room near him and began looking at some pictures,
then carelessly set my valise down by his chair, and after looking at a
few more pictures, returned to my own chair, near the hall door, and
awaited the lady's coming.
She soon entered the parlor, her two grown daughters accompanying her.
As they glanced from one of us to the other, I arose and said:
"Madam, I am informed that you have offered your property here for sale.
I am desirous of purchasing a property of this description, as I want a
house with several vacant lots adjoining on which to build a stave and
barrel factory."
She said they had often spoken about selling out if they had a good
chance; but didn't know that their neighbors, or any one else, had ever
been informed of it. I then asked her if she would show me the house.
She said she would, and as we were about to leave the room I turned to
her and said:
"Madam, perhaps this gentleman would like your attention before we
leave the room. I see he has something for sale in his valise."
She turned to him and said:
"What is it sir?"
Johnny sat there deathly pale, his eyes fairly popping out of his head
and his whole body shaking like a poplar leaf. He first glanced at the
valise, then at the lady, and after giving me a wistful, weary,
woe-begone look, carefully picked up the valise and rising from his
chair faltered out:
"Madam, you don't want to buy any varnish, do you?"
"No sir, indeed I do not and----"
"Well that is what I thought. I'll bid you good day, ladies," and he
bowed himself out.
After being shown through the house and answering innumerable questions
about stave and barrel-making, and where I had formerly been in
business, I left for the hotel where I found Johnny patiently waiting my
return.
As I entered the hotel office he met me near the door and said:
"Johnston I'd rather have been caught stealing chickens than in that
horrible predicament; don't you ever do it again."
I assured him I had no idea of ever being able to do it again, or to
perpetrate a similar joke on him, even though I were ever so anxious to
do so.
After it was all over he seemed to appreciate the joke, but made me all
sorts of offers if I would not tell it to his wife when we got home.
I asked for the valise and he said he had paid a small boy to bring it
to the hotel, and he supposed it was at the office, for he wouldn't
carry it through town under any circumstances, and if those people where
he called would deed him their house and lot he wouldn't again go
through what he did during those few awful seconds. He said that when I
began talking about the house and lot he thought at first I had either
got things badly mixed up or had gone crazy; and then when he suddenly
thought of himself and the predicament it had left him in, he thought
_he_ would go crazy. The very first thing he thought of was that I had
up and told the same identical story that he was to tell, and that he
was actually left without a sign of an excuse for calling on those
people. It never occurred to him that he could possibly introduce
himself as a polish vender although he fully realized that the valise
had been saddled on to him; and he was sitting there in a dazed
condition wondering how he should get out of a scrape when I called the
lady's attention to him. And only for the fact that I mentioned him as a
man with something for sale he possibly never would have came to his
senses again, and would no doubt have been arrested or kicked out of the
house.
I asked him why he didn't ask the lady if she didn't wish to buy instead
of saying, "Madam, you don't want to buy do you?"
"Great Heavens, I was afraid as it was that she would say that she
wanted to buy and if she had I would have fainted dead away."
This satisfied me that Johnny would never make a polish vender and I
advised him to return home, which he did.
I then went to Clyde, Ohio, where my family were keeping house. I had
sent them there from Bronson, Michigan a few weeks before. It had taken
the greater portion of the money I had been making to get them
comfortably settled at housekeeping and to buy necessary clothing for
them. I had now begun to hand over a few dollars to Mr. Keefer
occasionally to help him out at times when he was badly in need of
money.
I lost no time in getting out canvassing again and had set my mind on
some day having a nice stock of auction goods.
It occurred to me about this time that I might possibly prevail upon
merchants doing business in country towns to advertise and make an
auction sale and clean out their old hard stock. I suggested the idea to
one of the leading merchants of a town where I was canvassing. He
readily fell in with it, and after I convinced him of my ability to sell
the goods, he advertised a sale which brought large crowds of people
from all directions, and our success was more than gratifying.
He acknowledged that we had converted hundreds of dollars' worth of
goods into money that had been in his store for years and probably would
have remained there for years to come.
With a strong letter of recommendation from this merchant, I found no
trouble in persuading the leading merchant in each and every town I
visited to make an auction sale. I was to receive a regular commission
on all sales made, and to sell only during the evenings and Saturday
afternoons. This afforded me a very nice income, but I still clung to my
polish, and kept hus'ling when I wasn't selling at auction.
It is not generally known by auctioneers that this plan of operating is
a practical one. Nevertheless it is, and there is not only a wide field
for them, but it is a fact that the average merchant can well afford to
and _will_ give a good live auctioneer a large percentage for clearing
out his odds and ends, as often as once a year, and this can be
continued from place to place the year round.
Many a young man, who has the ability and might easily learn the
profession and adapt himself to it, could as easily establish himself in
a well-paying business in that way as to plod along in the same old rut
year in and year out, without any future prospect for obtaining either
money or experience.
As for the latter, I have always considered every year's experience I
had as an auctioneer equal to any three years of other business.
On my new plan of operating, I at once saw that success, especially
during the fall and winter season, was assured me.
This was in the fall of 1876, when Hayes and Tilden were candidates for
the Presidency. I had never interested myself in politics in the least,
up to this time, and hardly knew which side either man was running on.
But Mr. Hayes being from my own county, and I might add the fact that I
then had in my possession a history of one branch of my father's family
which contained his name, and enabled me to prove him at least a