Twenty Years of Hus'ling
that he really needed help, for the many times he had so generously
handed out to me was sufficient proof that he would more willingly give
to, than take from me. Consequently I was not long in deciding to close
out my goods at once and send him the proceeds.
The next morning after making my evening sale I sent him what money I
had, with a promise of more as soon as I could sell out. I made two more
sales before I was able to close out the last of my stock, and sent him
the money.
The next town I stopped at was Bodkins; and the landlord of the hotel,
Mr. Lehman, informed me that his father, living in another town, owned a
large stock of general merchandise, and wanted to sell it out; and asked
what I thought about selling it at auction. I explained it would be the
proper caper. He telegraphed for his father, who came up, and they
wanted to hire me by the day or week.
I told them it was against my principles to work on salary, but I would
take ten per cent. and all my expenses. This they agreed on. After
turning the old horse out to pasture, we started for the old gentleman's
home, and began making arrangements for an auction sale there,
preparatory to starting out on the road.
We advertised extensively; and as the stock consisted of almost
everything, including a lot of ready-made clothing, we drew an immense
crowd, and made a sale of over twelve hundred dollars on Saturday
afternoon and evening.
I remember when Sunday morning came I was unable to above a whisper; but
I had one hundred and twenty dollars in cash as my commission, ready to
send to Mr. Keefer on Monday morning.
We moved the balance of the stock to another town, where our sales ran
from one to three hundred dollars per day. I had a settlement every
night, as soon as the receipts were counted, and on the following
morning sent the money to Mr. Keefer, reserving only enough to pay my
family expenses, which I practiced sending home every Friday.
We succeeded in closing out the bulk of this large stock of goods, when
one day, at St. Mary's, Ohio, after I had sent my last dollar to Mr.
Keefer, the proprietor made a trade with a real-estate agent, receiving
a farm for the remainder of the stock. I was notified that my services
were no longer required. My board was paid up to the following day, but
I hadn't a dollar to my name.
Of course, the first thing that entered my mind was the
"Incomprehensible" and the only thing needed was a dollar or two with
which to invest in a few bottles.
That day at noon, when I came out of the dining-room from dinner, my
light-colored Derby hat was missing; and as another one was there which
resembled mine very closely, and fitted me exactly, I put it on, keeping
a look-out for the wearer of my own. As it had a large grease-spot on
one side, from the dripping of oil from my street lamps I knew I could
tell it easily.
Directly in came a drummer for a grocery house, and began telling how
much his sales had been in that town: To one grocer a car-load each of
rice, nutmegs, cinnamon and pepper, besides several hundred barrels of
flour and as many chests of tea. I told him I didn't doubt his word, but
would thank him to give me back my hat. He discovered his mistake, and
was about to trade back, when I happened to think of what a splendid
chance I had for making a little raise. As he handed me my hat I said:
"Thunderation! Do you suppose I am going to let you give me back my hat
with that big grease-spot on it? Not much, sir. Have you been down in
some grocer's cellar with my hat on? Now, sir, you can either give me
five dollars to buy a new hat, or give me one dollar and we'll trade
hats."
He willingly handed over the dollar, and after apologizing, offered to
treat in order to quiet me down.
I then made a bee-line for the nearest drugstore, where I ordered a half
gallon of the "Incomprehensible" to be prepared for the next day.
The old valise I had was a large-sized one, in which I carried my
clothing; but I made room for the polish, and started out the next day
on foot, arriving at a small town late that night, with four dollars in
cash, and some stock on hand.
The following morning I started back to where I had left the old horse
and wagon. Arriving there, I hitched up and started through the country,
selling polish to the farmers. It took about all I could rake and scrape
to keep my family, myself and the old horse eating.
While on this trip as I was passing through Wapakanetta, Ohio, a
familiar voice came from a crowd of lookers-on saying:
"Halloo, Johnston, where you going?"
And an old acquaintance of mine came running to the wagon and hastily
explained that he had the agency of a valuable patent which he was then
trying to sell County and State rights in and wanted me to join him. I
told him that I had promised my mother never to sell another Patent
right, and then asked what success he had met with. He said not any yet,
but----
"But," I interrupted, "I suppose you have succeeded in spending what
money you had, and are now broke."
"Yes, that's it exactly."
"Well, Frank, misery likes company. Get in here and we'll travel
together."
He did so and we had quite a siege of it. We bought another valise and I
immediately began educating him in selling polish. He made a very fair
salesman and as I was to furnish him with the polish at a stipulated
sum, I felt that I could very soon be deriving an income from his
services. My idea was to keep him with me till he could get acquainted
with the business and then arrange with some drug house to ship him what
he wanted and pay me my profits.
Our third day out we drove into a small hamlet, and after hitching the
old nag to a post began operations. I called at a house where there was
considerable excitement and learned that an old lady had fallen down
stairs and either broken or badly sprained her ankle. The principal
cause for excitement was the fact that no Doctor could be found. As I
passed from the house I saw Frank crossing the street a block or two
away and called to him. He came right up and I explained to him the
critical condition of the old lady and suggested that he should go in
and play surgeon as they were unable to find a doctor at home. He
consented and we went in together. Frank looked wise, and I did the
talking. Finally one of the women in attendance beckoned us to the
bedside. Frank made a hasty examination, and with my assistance helped
her to a chair and began pulling the victim around the room by her
crippled leg. She yelled and kept yelling, we pulled and kept pulling,
her son swore and kept swearing, while the dog barked and kept barking.
Everything was in a hubbub and every one excited. The neighboring women
soon left in disgust. The more we pulled the more excited we all became
and the more assurance Frank seemed to have that pulling was the only
remedy. We were very soon rewarded with success, for a moment later the
joint went back into place, snapping like a pistol, which gave the old
lady immediate relief. Then Frank _did_ look wise and I dubbed him
Doctor Frank at once.
They inquired where he was practicing, and he told them he was a
traveling Doctor. I suddenly spoke up and said:
"Why, ladies, this gentleman graduated at Whiting, Indiana. You've all
heard of that place?"
"O, yes, we've all read of it," they answered in chorus.
When asked what his charges would be he glanced at me as if undecided
what to make it. I raised both hands intimating ten dollars as the
proper figure. He said:
"Well, the usual charge for a case of this kind is twenty dollars, but
I'll charge you only ten."
They hesitated, and grudgingly paid the price, but were well satisfied
with the operation. We had many a hearty laugh over the ridiculous
manner in which the ten dollars was obtained.
We continued to peddle around over the country, taking in small inland
towns.
The old horse was an elephant on my hands, but he was all I possessed in
the world; and being unable to find a buyer, I could do no better than
to stick by him unless I chose to give him away, which I hardly
considered business-like. But I would have made money and saved trouble
had I done so, for he was the means of getting me into two or three
little fights. One in particular I will relate.
Doctor Frank and myself were driving into New Baltimore one Saturday
evening, and as the old horse went heaving and crippling along we seemed
to be the attraction for every one on the street. Suddenly a young man
who was sitting out in front of a store on the cross-railing between
two hitching posts cried out at the very top of his voice:
"Whoa!"
The old nag, as usual, came to a sudden halt, and every one of a large
crowd of men standing near by began to laugh.
I realized that if their risibilities were so easily aroused at seeing
him stop, it would be a regular circus for them to see me get him in
motion again; so I coolly handed the lines to Doctor Frank, and said:
"Here, hold these, and I'll make believe I have business in that store;
and after this crowd has dispersed, I'll come out and we'll try and make
another start."
I climbed out and walked toward the store. As I got even with the young
chap who had stopped us, and noticed him still sitting there, with his
feet swinging backward and forward and a look of triumph on his face, I
suddenly changed my course, and stepping up to him, quickly dealt him a
right-hander straight from the shoulder. He received the blow directly
under the chin, and it set him spinning around the rail like a trapeze
performer on a horizontal bar. I then returned to the wagon, climbed
in, picked up my club and made preparations for another move.
Before making the start we had the pleasure of witnessing several
revolutions by the young gentleman, after which he was helped to the
ground by some friends; and as we were moving away, under the strong
pressure of my club and the hard pushing of the lines by Doctor Frank,
our smart youth looked more silly and terror-stricken than he did gay
and frisky a few moments before, when the laugh was all on his side.
As we passed along down street everything was as quiet as a funeral; and
although every man may have wanted to laugh, they all looked sober and
sanctimonious, and as we imagined, took extra precautions to look
sorrowful and sympathetic, as we rode along, looking savagely at them,
apparently ready to spring from the wagon and pounce upon them at a
second's warning.
We then drove to the hotel, where we took quarters.
The next day, Sunday, while we were standing out in front, a man came up
and began interrupting us in our conversation, and became rather abusive
when we asked him to go away and not interfere with our affairs. He
then said he was a lawyer and a gentleman, if he _had_ been drinking a
little, and he could whip half-a-dozen such men as we were; and so
saying he shook his fist under Doctor Frank's nose. He soon discovered
his mistake, for no sooner had he done so than he received a straight
left-hander from Frank, right on his big red nose. I shall never forget
his looks, as he began backing up, in a dazed condition, and kept
backing round and round in a circle, with the blood spurting and his
nose flattened all over his face, and finally, not being able to keep on
his feet any longer, landed squarely, in a sitting posture, right in the
middle of a puddle of water that had been made by a severe rain-storm
that morning.
He had no sooner landed in the water, than not less than two dozen men
came running from a saloon across the street; and the leader of the mob,
a man about as large again as either of us, and who, we afterwards