Twenty Years of Hus'ling
told him I never worked on salary, but sold on commission. He said the
other fellow had agreed to make the sale for ten dollars, and asked what
commission I would want. I told him I had always received from ten to
twenty per cent. on merchandise, but as he had horses and cattle which
would run into money fast, and was going to sell on a year's time, I
would charge him five per cent., to be paid in cash when the sale was
over. He agreed, and I laid off my coat and went to work.
I saw at once from his actions that he was satisfied, and after the sale
had progressed a while he said:
"Young man, you were a God-send to me this day sure," and added: "The
Lord will provide."
"Yes, either that or the devil takes care of his own," I answered.
"How so?"
"Well, while the Lord has taken care of you in furnishing you an
auctioneer, I have been favored considerably myself, for Heaven knows I
needed the job, and, as I feel I am one of the devil's kind, I guess
I'll have to give him the preference."
He said: "We'll decide that matter after the sale."
Every thing went on smoothly, and, as the sale was large it took till
late in the evening before the last article was sold. The next morning
we footed up the sales, and, to the farmer's utter astonishment, it
amounted to over eleven hundred dollars. After reflecting a while he
said:
"Why, hang it all, we figured in the first place that we had about a
thousand dollars' worth, but I never thought of that yesterday morning
when I offered you five per cent. Why, great guns, young man, are you
going to charge me fifty-five dollars?"
"Of course I am, and I think I've earned it."
"What! Earned fifty-five dollars in one day? Gracious Peter! I can hire
good men on my farm for seventeen dollars per month."
"Yes, but I didn't see any of them around yesterday who were handy
enough to do your auctioneering."
He became quite excited, and declared he wouldn't pay me more than
fifteen dollars. I argued with him till about ten o'clock, when several
men had come to take away their purchases and settle for them. After I
had resorted to all sorts of methods and arguments to make him pay me, I
said:
"Well, sir, I am going to spoil all the sales made to these men."
He anxiously inquired how I intended to do it.
"Well, I don't suppose it has occurred to you that I am not a licensed
auctioneer, and under the laws of the State you have no right to deliver
or give a bill of sale for goods sold by an auctioneer not licensed."
His eyes fairly popped out of his head, and turning to his wife with
much excitement, said:
"Mary, give him fifty-five dollars, and let him go."
After receiving the money, I said:
"I suppose you would be silly enough to believe me if I should tell you
you ought to have a license to eat when you are hungry."
As his boy had hitched up my old horse, I took my departure at once; and
driving to the nearest town, sent the money to a wholesale notion house
and ordered a stock of auction goods, which was promptly sent.
I began business, working my way back north with a view to striking
into Michigan in time for the County Fairs.
During the whole time I had been skirmishing around with my old horse,
after closing out my stock at Bodkins, I had clung to the old trunk and
my street lamps.
The second day after receiving my goods, while driving along, wondering
what would happen next, I noticed a farmer coming from his house to the
barn, and after looking down the road at me a moment, climbed up on the
board fence and sat there apparently waiting my coming. As I drove up,
he yelled:
"Halloo, stranger whatcher got to swap?"
"I'll swap anything I've got. What have you to trade?"
"Well, sir, I've got as handsome a little brown mare as you ever saw.
She is too small to work on a farm, and as you've got a big bony cuss
there that would make a good plow hoss, I'll give you a big trade."
"Bring 'er out; let's see 'er."
"Here, boy, lead that little brown mare out and let the gentleman see
her."
As the boy led her from the stable she came out with her ears laying
back and her short tail switching; and I said to myself, "here will be a
job breaking a kicker and balker."
"How will you trade?" I asked, not leaving my seat in the wagon, but
simply looking through and over the fence at her.
Without leaving his seat on the fence, the man said:
"I'll trade for five dollars to boot."
"I'll trade even."
"No, sir," he said, "I'm expecting threshers to-morrow, and have got to
have some money to buy meat and groceries with."
"Well, then, I'll give you two dollars and fifty cents, and no more."
"All right; it's a trade. The boy will change them for you."
The lad then led the mare around, and after unhitching the old horse,
changed the harness, and after hitching the mare to the wagon I handed
him the amount agreed upon, and started on.
I expected to have a little "circus" with her, but to my surprise and
delight she started off on a full trot. The sensation was certainly
invigorating, as it was the first time I had ridden faster than a walk
in all summer.
The idea of our making the trade without either of us leaving our
seats, or asking a single question, rather amused me, and seemed like
trading "sight unseen."
I felt that two dollars and-a-half was all I had to risk, anyhow, and if
he could afford to be reckless just because he was out of meat, I could
afford to take equal chances with him.
This, I think, so far as real value was concerned, was the best horse
trade I ever made; the animal was not only sound and kind, but an extra
good roadster and a good-looking beast.
The next day when I drove into Plymouth, Ohio, to my surprise I met
Doctor Frank. He had concluded to stop there and sell polish for a few
days before going to Michigan, and in the meantime write up there and
learn more about his friend's offer.
I shall never forget his looks as he came walking up to the wagon just
as I was lighting my lamps to open a sale. He had been attracted by the
lights and the gathering crowd, and when he saw the new horse and
discovered me with a stock of goods, he could hardly believe his own
eyes.
I took time to explain how I had made a raise, and about the
horse-trade.
He was as much pleased as I was, and started out with me again the next
day. We kept our course towards Michigan, and while in Ohio visited
several towns in which we had previously sold polish, and where we now
made auction sales. In a few days he again left me. I staid in Ohio
several weeks, then went into Michigan, meeting with good success and
making money quite fast.
CHAPTER XXVII.
AUCTIONEERING AT MICHIGAN STATE FAIR--THREE DAYS CO-PARTNERSHIP WITH A
SHOWMAN--MY PARTNER'S FAMILY ON EXHIBITION--OUR SUCCESS--TRAVELING
NORTHWARD--BUSINESS INCREASES--FREQUENT TRADES IN HORSES AND WAGONS--THE
POSSESSOR OF A FINE TURN-OUT--MR. KEEFER AGAIN ASKS ASSISTANCE--HOW I
RESPONDED--TRAVELING WITH AN OX-TEAM AND CART--A GREAT ATTRACTION--SOLD
OUT--TRAVELING BY RAIL--MY RETURN TO OHIO--MEETING THE CLAIRVOYANT
DOCTOR--HOW I FOOLED HIM--QUAIL, TWELVE DOLLARS A DOZEN--THE DOCTOR
LOSES HIS APPETITE.
The Michigan State Fair was to be held at Jackson that year, and I
managed to reach there on the opening day and commenced business at
once. I sold on the grounds during the day, and on the streets down town
in the evenings, doing a splendid business.
On the second day of the Fair a gentleman came up to my wagon, while I
was getting ready to make a sale, and remarked that he had heard me down
town the evening before, and was glad to see me doing so well; and told
me that he had a business that he could make lots of money at if he
could get started; but as he was completely stranded, he was unable to
procure a license, or anything else.
In answer to my inquiry as to the nature of his business, he said he had
a side-show.
I didn't ask what he had to show, but as I had been in almost every
other business but that, I concluded to venture, and asked how much
money he would need.
"Twenty-five dollars."
"Anything in it for me, if I'll furnish the money?"
"Yes; there will be half we make for you, after paying expenses."
"All right, sir; I'll help you to get a start."
We called on the Secretary, and after paying for our permit, sent for
his canvas and very soon had it up.
I accompanied him down town at noon, and on our way asked what he had to
show. He answered:
"The Fat Woman, the Dwarf, the Albino and the Circassian Girl."
When we came to his hotel he asked me in and introduced me to his wife,
two sons and a daughter.
I asked him where the show people were.
"I have introduced you to all of them."
"But where is your Fat Woman?"
He pointed to his wife.
"Why, Great Heavens," I shouted, "she is not fat; she is as thin as a
match and as long as a wagon track; how are you going to make her fat?
And the Circassian Girl--where is she?"
He pointed to his daughter, whose hair was all done up in tins, and said
to me:
"Never mind about the show. Every thing will be all right. You get there
by one o'clock, and we'll be there ready for business."
Sure enough, they were there. The Fat Woman in her long silk robe, and
as big as a hogshead.
The Dwarf in his swallow-tailed coat and wearing a plug hat, and his
face deeply furrowed with wrinkles.
The Albino boy with his white hair, but lacking the pink eyes.
The Circassian Girl with her dark bushy hair standing out in all
directions from her head.
The Albino played the fife, the Dwarf the snare drum, the Circassian
lady the cymbals, and the Fat Woman the base-drum.
The first thing to be done was to erect a small stage on the outside,
and the entire party came out, and after stationing themselves in proper
order, opened up with music.
While this unique band was thus engaged, my new partner mounted the box
and began talking at lightning speed. Crowds of people gathered, and
after viewing the pictures of the living wonders on the canvas, and
listening to the glowing description given of the "GREATEST OF LIVING
CURIOSITIES," they began pouring in and kept it up till the tent was
packed full. Then the music ceased and the performers went inside, and
the Professor singled them out and delivered a lecture on each one,
telling their age, nationality, etc., after which he immediately
announced the conclusion of the performance and motioned every one out.
As soon as the tent was cleared the band again made its appearance on
the outside, and after attracting a crowd and filling the tent again,
would step inside to be exhibited, and this was repeated with immense
success till the last day and last hour of the Fair.
It was amusing to see the people gather around and stare at the band of
musicians while they were playing on the outside, and then step up and
buy tickets to go inside and take another look at them; and, as there
was no fault-finding, I suppose they were all satisfied.
I drove my auction wagon as close to the tent as possible, and as fast
as I could work the crowd with my goods I would turn them over to my
side-show partner, recommending it as absolutely the most singular and
remarkable show I had ever seen.
I took the precaution to hire a man to take the tickets, so I had no
occasion to interfere with the show; but the last day, in the afternoon,
the Professor became almost exhausted; and leaving my wagon I took the
blower's stand and relieved him, and through the excitement, soon
discovered myself talking Curiosities with as much earnestness as if
Barnum's whole menagerie had been inside the tent.