Twenty Years of Hus'ling
One day we drove up to a farmer who was working in the garden, and Lute
inquired at the top of his voice if he had any sheep to sell.
The man said he did not, and never had owned a sheep in his life. I
waited until Mr. Smith looked at me for the man's answer when I said:
"Yes, he has some for sale."
Then a conversation about as follows ensued:
_Smith_--"Are they wethers or ewes?"
_Farmer_--"I told you I had none for sale."
_Interpreter_--In undertone, "Wethers."
_Smith_--"Are they fat?"
_Farmer_--"Fat nothing. I tell you I have no sheep."
_Interpreter_--"Very fleshy."
_Smith_--"About how much will they weigh?"
_Farmer_--"Oh, go on about your business."
_Interpreter_--"Six hundred pounds each."
_Smith_--"Great Heavens! Do you claim to own a flock of sheep that
average that weight?"
_Interpreter_--"He says that's what he claims."
_Smith_--"Where are they? I would like to see just one sheep of that
weight."
_Farmer_--Disgusted and fighting mad--"O, you are too gosh darn smart
for this country."
_Interpreter_--"He says you had better not call him a liar."
_Smith_--"Who in thunder called you a liar?"
_Farmer_--"Well, you had better _not_ call me a liar, either."
_Interpreter_--"He says you can't beat him out of any sheep."
_Smith_--"Who wants to beat you out of your sheep, you chump? I can pay
for all I buy."
_Farmer_--looking silly--"Well that's all right. When did you get out
of the asylum?"
_Interpreter_--"He says he wouldn't think so judging from your horse and
buggy."
_Smith_--"Well, I'll bet five hundred dollars you haven't a horse on
your cussed old farm that can trot with her."
_Farmer_--"Who said anything about a horse, you lunatic?"
_Interpreter_--"He says if you have so much money you'd better pay your
debts."
_Smith_--"You uncultivated denizen of this God-forsaken country, I want
you to distinctly understand I _do_ pay my debts and I dare say that is
more than _you_ do."
_Farmer_--"Well, you are absolutely the crankiest old fool I ever saw."
_Interpreter_--"He says you don't bear that reputation."
_Smith_--"The dickens I don't. I don't owe you nor any other man a cent
that I can't pay in five seconds."
_Farmer_--to his wife--"Great Heavens! What do you suppose ails that
'ere man?"
_Interpreter_--"He says he knows you, and you can't swindle him."
_Smith_ (driving off)--"I think you are a crazy old liar anyhow, and
I'll bet you never owned a sheep in your life."
The reader will be able to form a better idea of the ridiculousness of
this controversy as it sounded to me, by simply reading the conversation
between Smith and the farmer, omitting what I had to say.
The need of capital would of course have prevented me from going into
the live stock business, and the very thought of my being compelled to
work for and under some one else in learning a trade or business, was
enough to destroy all pleasure or satisfaction in doing business. This
caused my mother much anxiety, as it was a question what course I would
pursue.
CHAPTER III
SELLING AND TRADING OFF MY FLOCK OF SHEEP--CO-PARTNERSHIP FORMED WITH A
NEIGHBOR BOY--OUR DISSOLUTION--MY CONTINUANCE IN BUSINESS--COLLAPSE OF A
CHICKEN DEAL--DESTRUCTION OF A WAGON LOAD OF EGGS--ARRESTED AND FINED MY
LAST DOLLAR--ARRIVED HOME "BROKE."
I became very anxious to sell my sheep in order to invest the money in
business of some kind, but could not find a buyer for more than
twenty-five head. This sale brought me seventy-five dollars in cash, and
I traded thirty-five head for a horse and wagon.
Thus equipped, I concluded to engage in buying and selling butter, eggs,
chickens and sheep pelts. Not quite satisfied that I would succeed
alone, I decided to take in one of our neighbor boys as a partner.
He furnished a horse to drive with mine, and we started out, each having
the utmost confidence in the other's ability, but very little confidence
in himself.
We made a two weeks' trip, and after selling out entirely and counting
our cash, found we had eighteen cents more than when we started. We had
each succeeded in ruining our only respectable suit of clothes, and our
team looked as if it had been through a six months' war campaign.
My partner said he didn't think there was any money in the business, so
we dissolved partnership.
I then decided to make the chicken business a specialty, believing that
the profits were large enough to pay well. Mr. Keefer loaned me a horse,
and after building a chicken-rack on my wagon, I started out on my new
mission.
There was no trouble in buying what I considered a sufficient number to
give it a fair trial, which netted me a total cost of thirty-five
dollars.
Sandusky City, twenty miles from home, was the point designed for
marketing them.
I made calculations on leaving home at one o'clock on the coming
Wednesday morning, in order to arrive there early on regular market day.
The night before I was to start, a young acquaintance and distant
relative came to visit me. He was delighted with the idea of
accompanying me to the city when I invited him to do so.
During the fore part of the night a very severe rain storm visited us.
I had left the loaded wagon standing in the yard.
Little suspecting the damage the storm had done me, we drove off in high
spirits, entering the suburbs of the city at day-break.
Then Rollin happened to raise the lid on top of the rack, and discovered
very little signs of life.
We made an immediate investigation and found we were hauling dead
chickens to market, there being but ten live ones among the lot, and
they were in a frightful condition. Their feathers were turned in all
directions, and their eyes rolling backwards as if in the agonies of
death. This trouble had been caused by the deluge of water from the rain
of the night before, as I had neglected to provide a way for the water
to pass through the box. The chickens that escaped drowning had been
suffocated. We threw the dead ones into a side ditch, and hastened to
the city. No time was lost in disposing of the ten dying fowls at about
half their original cost.
We held a consultation and agreed that the chicken business was
disagreeable and unpleasant anyhow. Then and there we decided to
withdraw from it in favor of almost any other scheme either might
suggest. While speculating on what to try next, the grocer to whom we
had sold the chickens remarked that he would give eighteen cents per
dozen for eggs delivered in quantities of not less than one hundred
dozen. I felt certain I could buy them in the country so as to realize a
fair profit. After demolishing the chicken rack and loading our wagon
with a lot of boxes and barrels, we started on our hunt for eggs. We
soon learned that by driving several miles away to small villages, we
could buy them from country merchants for twelve cents per dozen.
We bought over three hundred dozen and started back with only one dollar
in cash left to defray expenses.
On the way our team became frightened at a steam engine and ran fully
two miles at the top of their speed over a stone pike road. We were
unable to manage them, but at last succeeded in reining them into a
fence corner, where we landed with a crash, knocking down about three
rods of fence, and coming to a sudden halt with one horse and half of
the wagon on the opposite side, and the eggs flying about, scattered in
all directions.
I landed on my head in a ditch, while the wagon-seat landed "right side
up with care" on the road side, with Rollin sitting squarely in it as if
unmolested. The mishap caused no more damage to horses and wagon than a
slight break of the wagon pole and a bad scare for the horses.
But it was a sight to behold! The yelks streaming down through the
cracks of the wagon box.
I felt that my last and only hopes were blasted as I gazed on that
mixture of bran and eggs.
We were but a short distance from the city, whither we hastened and
drove immediately to the bay shore.
There we unloaded the boxes and barrels and began sorting out the whole
eggs and cracked ones. After washing them we invoiced about twenty-six
dozen whole, and four dozen cracked. The latter we sold to a boarding
house near by, and the former we peddled out from house to house. We
counted our money, which amounted to five dollars and seventy-two cents.
We then held another consultation, and decided that "luck had been
against us." We also decided that we had better start at once for home,
if we expected to reach there before our last dollar was lost. In our
confusion and excitement we prepared to do so, but happened to think we
ought to feed our team before making so long a journey.
We returned to a grocery store, and after buying fifteen cents' worth of
oats, drove to a side street, unhitched our horses, and turned their
heads to the wagon to feed, after which we went to a bakery and ate
bologna sausage and crackers for dinner.
On returning to the wagon we found a large fleshy gentleman awaiting us.
He wore a long ulster coat and a broad-brimmed hat, and carried a large
cane. After making several inquiries as to the ownership of the team,
where we hailed from, and what our business was, he politely informed us
that he was an officer of the law, and would be obliged to take us
before the Mayor of the city. We asked what we had done that we should
be arrested.
He simply informed us that we would find out when we got there.
We protested against any such proceedings, when he threw back his
coat-collar, exposing his "star" to full view, and sternly commanded us
to follow him. On our way to the Mayor's office I urged him to tell us
the trouble, but in vain. I thought of every thing I had ever done, and
wondered if there were any law against accidentally breaking eggs or
having chickens die on our hands. We arrived there only to find that the
Mayor was at dinner.
The suspense was terrible!
The more I thought about it, the more guilty I thought I was.
In a few moments he returned, and I am certain I looked and acted as
though I had been carrying off a bank.
When his Majesty took his seat, the officer informed him that we had
been violating the city ordinance by feeding our horses on the streets.
The Executive asked what we had to say for ourselves.
We acknowledged the truth of the statement, but undertook to explain our
ignorance of the law.
He reminded us that ignorance of law excused no one, and our fine would
be five dollars and costs, the whole amount of which would be seven
dollars and fifty cents.
At this juncture we saw the necessity for immediate action towards our
defense, as the jail was staring us in the face.
Rollin, who was older and more experienced than myself, and withal a
brilliant sort of lad, took our case in hand and made a plea that would
have done credit to a country lawyer.
It resulted in a partial verdict in our favor, for after explaining our
misfortunes and that all the money we had left was five dollars and
thirty-seven cents, and as proof of our statement counted it out on his
desk, he remitted what we lacked, but said as he raked in the pile,
"Well, boys, I am very sorry for your misfortunes and will let you down
easy this time, but you must be more careful hereafter."
I replied that he needn't have any fears of our ever violating their
city ordinance again, as it was my impression that would be our last
visit there.
We left for home without any further ceremony, neither seeming to have
anything particular to say. I don't believe half a dozen words passed
between us during the whole twenty miles ride.
On arriving home my mother anxiously inquired how I came out with my
chicken deal.
"Well, I came out alive," I replied.