Twenty Years of Hus'ling
of driving the ponies I traded them off.
We had some queer experiences that summer in making collections. One
firm had been owing me one hundred and twenty dollars for a long time,
and at last the entire establishment was turned over to the man's wife
and the business carried on in her name. This was at Farwell, Michigan.
We drove up in front of the store, and I went in to see what the chances
were for collecting.
I was informed by the wife that her husband was absent from the store. I
told her my name, and called her attention to the fact that she had in
her show-case a lot of jewelry my agent had sold her husband on credit.
She said that didn't make any difference; she had bought him out, and
those goods were hers.
I then said:
"Madam, I am going to have you arrested."
"What for?"
"For grand larceny."
Her clerk laughed me in the face; but she changed color, and calling me
into the back room, said:
"Where did you ever know me before? Were you ever in Pittsburg?"
"Where did I know you? Were I ever in Pittsburg? Well, you'll find out
where I knew you, and whether I was ever in Pittsburg, before you get
through with me. I'll have you locked up inside of ten minutes if you
don't settle with me," saying which I started out.
She called me back, and in much agitation said:
"Now see here; there is not a soul in this town knows that I have ever
been married before, and if I _have_ committed larceny by not getting a
divorce from my first husband, it will do you no good to have me
arrested, and will only make me lots of trouble."
I saw that I had her cornered, and immediately took advantage of it, and
said:
"Madam, just think of it! a woman with two husbands! Don't you know that
larceny is one of the worst offenses a person can be guilty of, in this
state? I am surprised that a woman of your intelligence should take the
desperate chance of committing larceny, and grand larceny at that."
She asked what the difference was between larceny and grand larceny, in
a case. I replied:
"Grand larceny is a case where a woman leaves her first husband in one
state and marries her second in another without a divorce; and twenty
years in the penitentiary is a very common sentence for grand larceny in
Michigan."
By this time she was trembling with fear, and said she would pay me in
full if I would agree never to mention her name in connection with that
larceny affair.
I assured her that all I wanted was my pay, and I would never molest her
again.
She then returned to the store and paid me the cash. I had just given
her a receipt in full when her husband made his appearance and asked
what she was doing.
She replied that I was Johnston, the proprietor of the wholesale jewelry
house that he had been dealing with.
He turned to me and said:
"See here! I paid your agent for those goods when I bought them."
"Did you? Well, your wife has been kind enough to pay for them again,
and I guess the receipt I just gave her is about the only one you can
produce."
She then called her husband and myself to the adjoining room, and
quickly turning to him, said very excitedly:
"See here, John. This man knows me, and knows that I committed larceny,
and grand larceny at that, and was going to have me arres--"
"Larceny, did you say?" he interrupted, "what in ---- have _you_ been
stealin'?"
"Well, I hain't _stole_ nothin', John; but you know I hain't got no
divorce from Uriah," she answered.
"Oh, divorce be ----! you infernal fool. That's bigamy, you idiot; not
larceny."
I then began to laugh, and said to him:
"Mr. ----, do you remember writing me a letter, once upon a time, telling
me to go to the devil for that account, and that it would be a cold day
when I got my pay; and I answered you, saying that I would some day
catch you napping and get even with you?"
His wife saw her mistake at once, and looked and acted silly enough.
He ripped and tore and swore, and threatened to throw me out; but I told
him he needn't be to that trouble, as I was ready to leave, and would go
out alone.
The next hard case I had came up a few days later. We drove into Reed
City, and soon learned that our customer had sold out three days before.
We then went to the hotel, and after putting our team out I began a
search for my man, and was informed that he was carrying about two
thousand dollars around in his pocket, and had refused to pay any one.
There were any number of creditors at the hotel, who had been trying to
collect, but were not successful.
I called on the man who had bought him out, and was assured that he had
paid him eighteen hundred dollars cash, and furthermore, that he carried
that money in his pocket.
Half an hour later I met the delinquent, and said:
"How are you, Mr. ----? Come into the hotel and take a cigar."
He did so, and I said:
"It's too bad you have had such poor success. What are you going to do
now?"
He looked very serious, and said he didn't know.
I then invited him up to my room, where I was going to fix up some trays
of jewelry. He followed me, and as soon as we were inside I closed the
door, locked it, put the key in my pocket, threw off my hat and coat,
took out my watch, and holding it in my hand, said:
"Mr. ----, I'll give you just two minutes by my watch to pay me
ninety-nine dollars, and if you don't do so within that time I'll not
promise that there will be a grease-spot left of you when I get through.
I want you to distinctly understand that I am out on a collecting tour,
and I mean money or blood; so now, sir, take your choice: either settle
or the consequences; you have less than two minutes to decide in."
He turned pale, and became much excited and declared he hadn't a cent
with him.
"Then it's your misfortune, sir. I'm going to 'do you up' or collect
ninety-nine dollars right now, whether you have a cent with you or not;
you deserve it anyhow."
"Johnston, what can I do?" said he.
"Settle; settle, of course; and you now have but one minute to do it in,
and I'm not certain but it will be your last minute on earth if you
don't."
"Well, Johnston, suppose I settle with you, will you agree not to let my
other creditors know it?"
"No sir, I'll not agree to anything of the kind; on the contrary, I
shall tell every one just how I brought you to terms, and you have but a
half minute left."
He then produced a leather pocket-book filled with bills of large
denomination, and counted me out ten ten-dollar bills.
I thanked him, and told him I'd just keep the extra dollar for
interest, and then wrote him a receipt in full. He said he intended to
pay me, anyhow. I told him I intended he should, and asked how he liked
my system.
He looked foolish, and said he thought I'd come out winner, if I didn't
get killed some day in trying to collect. He further said that he'd bet
I'd run across some one some day who would give me a good trouncing.
I told him I had it all figured out that I could afford to take one good
threshing for every five dead beats, provided I could collect from the
other four.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
ANOTHER HORSE TRADE--A HEAVY LOSS--PLAYING DETECTIVE--MY VISIT HOME--A
RETROSPECT--CALLING IN MY AGENTS--A NEW SCHEME--IT'S A WINNER--MR.
KEEFER AND MY MOTHER VISIT CHICAGO--HIS VERDICT, "IT DOES BEAT THE
DEVIL."
We continued to travel by team, and my great stronghold was to collect
bad debts, many of which I collected almost by force.
On this trip one of our horses became lame, and one morning just as we
were ready to start out from the hotel a gentleman came driving up with
a fine-looking span of horses, that, although appearing rather green and
awkward, made a very handsome and stylish pair. He stopped near our
carriage, and I inquired how old his horses were. He said four years. I
asked:
"How will you trade teams with me?"
After looking my horses over carefully, and without leaving his
carriage, he replied:
"For one hundred and twenty-five dollars to boot."
"All right, sir. Here is your money," and I counted it out and handed it
over to him.
"But what sort of a team are you trading me?"
"No matter, sir. You have got your money, so unhitch, and I'll do the
same."
He hesitated a moment, but when the crowd of men standing by began
laughing at him, he commenced to unhitch.
Before leaving him I remarked that I had too much business on hand to
spend any time with a lame horse, nor did I care to dicker a minute on a
horse trade.
Ten minutes later we were driving off with a pair of colts that had
never been hitched or driven but three times.
We finished our business in Northern Michigan, and drove this team home,
where I broke them to drive tandem.
The following spring I started on the road with my team hitched tandem
to a two-wheeled cart with my advertisement on the side and back.
A few weeks later I hired a Mr. Rhodes to travel for me, and he took
charge of the tandem team and traveled with them. They made a splendid
advertisement for my business and it was looked upon by our customers as
quite a novel way to travel.
I now remained at home and had my hands full looking after the failures
that were coming thick and fast. It seemed to me that every other man
who failed was owing me.
Dr. Frank was still with me and rendered very valuable service in the
collection of hard accounts. He had not entirely gotten over his
pugilistic propensities, and whenever I found it necessary to instruct
him to call on a dead beat and "bring something back with him," he
generally returned with a wad of money or a wad of hair.
About this time I had a little experience myself, at a town in Ohio,
which might be worth mentioning. One of my customers, a retail jeweler,
was owing me over eleven hundred dollars. As we could get no word from
him in answer to our request for a remittance, we made a draft on him,
and were informed by the banker that the firm had "gone up" three or
four weeks before; also that the store was being run by a man who had
bought it at sheriff's sale to satisfy a chattel mortgage. Only two
months before, I had received a statement from the proprietor, who
claimed that the stock was free from incumbrance, and everything in good
shape. So I concluded that an open swindle had been perpetrated.
I took the train for the town where he was doing business, and on my
arrival learned that the other creditors had been there ahead of me, and
not one had succeeded in getting the least satisfaction. I visited the
store, and could not see a single article in the show-cases that I could
identify as goods I had sold him. This alone convinced me more than ever
that I had been swindled completely out of my goods.
I instituted a vigorous search for a clew of some kind which might lead
to their discovery, but without success; and was just about to leave
town when I inquired if the late jewelry firm had employed any clerks or
errand boys before collapsing.
Upon learning that they had employed a small boy then residing with the
ex-manager, and realizing that my chances for getting information from
that quarter would be pretty slim, I inquired if the lad had any
relatives living there. The hotel clerk told me that his father and
sister were living but a short distance away, and pointed out the house
to me. I called at once, but with not an inkling of an idea of what I
would say or do when I should be admitted; and trusting implicitly to
the inspiration of the moment.
When I rapped at the door, it was opened by a tall, lank, angular and
cadaverous-looking young woman of about eighteen, who by the way was big
enough to peddle grind-stones.
I was surprised to learn that she was a sister of the lad referred to,