Ulysses
anyhow stiff the nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep
that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out
for him what are all those veins and things curious the way its made 2
the same in case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up
there like those statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide
it with her hand are they so beautiful of course compared with what a
man looks like with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down
out of him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it
with a cabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat
market or that other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the
statue of the fish used to be when I was passing pretending he was
pissing standing out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one
side the Queens own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved
them theyre always trying to show it to you every time nearly I passed
outside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just to
try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was 1 of the 7
wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the night
coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade
to make you feel nice and watery I went into 1 of them it was so biting
cold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was
a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to see
me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of it
before I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not
afraid going about of getting a kick or a bang of something there the
woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I could pose for
a picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the
job in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee
palace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes
only shes younger or Im a little like that dirty bitch in that Spanish
photo he has nymphs used they go about like that I asked him about her
and that word met something with hoses in it and he came out with some
jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing simply
the way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom out of
the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres the mark of his
teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream out arent
they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with Milly
enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got a
pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate
looking student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly
caught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel to
my face that was his studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till
he got doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get
him to suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker
than cows then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond
everything I declare somebody ought to put him in the budget if I only
could remember the one half of the things and write a book out of it
the works of Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an
hour he was at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant
I had at me they want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those
men get out of a woman I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch
myself I wished he was here or somebody to let myself go with and come
again like that I feel all fire inside me or if I could dream it when
he made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind with his finger I was
coming for about 5 minutes with my legs round him I had to hug him
after O Lord I wanted to shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit or
anything at all only not to look ugly or those lines from the strain
who knows the way hed take it you want to feel your way with a man
theyre not all like him thank God some of them want you to be so nice
about it I noticed the contrast he does it and doesnt talk I gave my
eyes that look with my hair a bit loose from the tumbling and my tongue
between my lips up to him the savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday
two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till Monday
frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those
engines have in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and
out of them all sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor
men that have to be out all the night from their wives and families in
those roasting engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half
of those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying
about hes getting very careless and threw the rest of them up in the W
C I’ll get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having them there
for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres
last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the
hall making the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and
refreshing just after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get
like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter came on
black as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big
giant compared with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with
the red sentries here and there the poplars and they all whitehot and
the smell of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the time
weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs
Stanhope sent me from the B Marche paris what a shame my dearest
Doggerina she wrote on it she was very nice whats this her other name
was just a p c to tell you I sent the little present have just had a
jolly warm bath and feel a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she
called him wogger wd give anything to be back in Gib and hear you sing
Waiting and in old Madrid Concone is the name of those exercises he
bought me one of those new some word I couldnt make out shawls amusing
things but tear for the least thing still there lovely I think dont you
will always think of the lovely teas we had together scrumptious
currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest Doggerina
be sure and write soon kind she left out regards to your father also
Captain Grove with love yrs affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a bit
married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was
awfully fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to
step over at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was
given the bulls ear these clothes we have to wear whoever invented them
expecting you to walk up Killiney hill then for example at that picnic
all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing in them in a crowd run or
jump out of the way thats why I was afraid when that other ferocious
old Bull began to charge the banderilleros with the sashes and the 2
things in their hats and the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the
women were as bad in their nice white mantillas ripping all the whole
insides out of those poor horses I never heard of such a thing in all
my life yes he used to break his heart at me taking off the dog barking
in bell lane poor brute and it sick what became of them ever I suppose
theyre dead long ago the 2 of them its like all through a mist makes
you feel so old I made the scones of course I had everything all to
myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair mine was thicker
than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when I put it up
and whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one hand we
were like cousins what age was I then the night of the storm I slept in
her bed she had her arms round me then we were fighting in the morning
with the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an
opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father
and Captain Grove I looked up at the church first and then at the
windows then down and our eyes met I felt something go through me like
all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I looked at
myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was
attractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligent
looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas in the
shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and the
excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been
nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me
the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East
Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by
that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as
he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave
me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a
Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a
whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards
of it O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one
decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and
his fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my
shift drenched with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the
chair when I stood up they were so fattish and firm when I got up on
the sofa cushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs tons of them
at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago
it seems centuries of course they never came back and she didnt put her
address right on it either she may have noticed her wogger people were
always going away and we never I remember that day with the waves and
the boats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those
Officers uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything
he was very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was
blowing she kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I
did or near it my lips were taittering when I said goodbye she had a
Gorgeous wrap of some special kind of blue colour on her for the voyage
made very peculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it
got as dull as the devil after they went I was almost planning to run
away mad out of it somewhere were never easy where we are father or
aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me
waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and
booming all over the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing
everything down in all directions if you didnt open the windows when
general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or did supposed to be some great
fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was there
from before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the
son then the same old bugles for reveille in the morning and drums
rolling and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with
messtins smelling the place more than the old longbearded jews in their
jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men
to cross the lines and the warden marching with his keys to lock the
gates and the bagpipes and only captain Groves and father talking about
Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum
lighting their pipes for them everytime they went out drunken old devil
with his grog on the windowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his
nose trying to think of some other dirty story to tell up in a corner
but he never forgot himself when I was there sending me out of the room
on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky
talking of course but hed do the same to the next woman that came along