Ulysses
was dead spyglass like the sentry had he said hed have one or two from
on board I wore that frock from the B Marche paris and the coral
necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco almost the bay
of Tangier white and the Atlas mountain with snow on it and the straits
like a river so clear Harry Molly darling I was thinking of him on the
sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down at
the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow
for the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that
Gibraltar only that cheap peau dEspagne that faded and left a stink on
you more than anything else I wanted to give him a memento he gave me
that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to south
Africa where those Boers killed him with their war and fever but they
were well beaten all the same as if it brought its bad luck with it
like an opal or pearl still it must have been pure 18 carrot gold
because it was very heavy but what could you get in a place like that
the sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship that came up to
the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadnt a moustache that
was Gardner yes I can see his face cleanshaven
Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the
dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes breath my lips forward
kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate
that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out full
when I get in front of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her
lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts
skitting around talking about politics they know as much about as my
backside anything in the world to make themselves someway interesting
Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay and whose are you
bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought you were a
wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they got a
chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the
bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help their
poor head I knew more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all
know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song like that Gardner said no
man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that and not think of
it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all
father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure
anyhow he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of those
cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get
a husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or
see if they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose
whoever he wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each
others arms or the voice either I could have been a prima donna only I
married him comes looooves old deep down chin back not too much make it
double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore about the moated grange
at twilight and vaunted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the
south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change that
lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get
that big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is itching me
always when I think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me
better go easy not wake him have him at it again slobbering after
washing every bit of myself back belly and sides if we had even a bath
itself or my own room anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed by himself
with his cold feet on me give us room even to let a fart God or do the
least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano
quietly sweeeee theres that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more
song
that was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if
that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was quite good with the
heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in
the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill
my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all
night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up to see
why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter
its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was
only about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes
dressing her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those
mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with
the little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing
about in it then make a race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite
used to be there the whole time watching with the lights out in the
summer and I in my skin hopping around I used to love myself then
stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it came to the
chamber performance I put out the light too so then there were 2 of us
goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to get
in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again
coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the
manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber about all night
squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink
water then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon
haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like
the king of the country pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down
in his egg wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling
up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then
play with the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has
she fleas shes as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate
their claws I wonder do they see anything that we cant staring like
that when she sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I
wait always what a robber too that lovely fresh plaice I bought I think
Ill get a bit of fish tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with
some blancmange with black currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb
pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle Williams and
Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels cod yes
Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for 3 forgetting
anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin
chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck
the very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or
let him pay it and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and
drove out to the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him
examining all the horses toenails first like he does with the letters
no not with Boylan there yes with some cold veal and ham mixed
sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the banks
there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says not a bank holiday
anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for the day Whit
Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better the
seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after
him at Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row if anyone asked
could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say yes then it
came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight all
down my side telling me pull the right reins now pull the left and the
tide all swamping in floods in through the bottom and his oar slipping
out of the stirrup its a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of
course me no theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his
flannel trousers Id like to have tattered them down off him before all
the people and give him what that one calls flagellate till he was
black and blue do him all the good in the world only for that longnosed
chap I dont know who he is with that other beauty Burke out of the City
Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on the slip always where he
wasnt wanted if there was a row on youd vomit a better face there was
no love lost between us thats 1 consolation I wonder what kind is that
book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other
Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going about with
his tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new white
shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that feather
all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the smell
of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan
bay round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the
fishermens baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came from Genoa
and the tall old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to
climb up to to get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago
besides I dont like being alone in this big barracks of a place at
night I suppose Ill have to put up with it I never brought a bit of
salt in even when we moved in the confusion musical academy he was
going to make on the first floor drawingroom with a brassplate or
Blooms private hotel he suggested go and ruin himself altogether the
way his father did down in Ennis like all the things he told father he
was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the lovely
places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the
gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of
and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was
going to do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry
my can he ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the
plans he invents then leaving us here all day youd never know what old
beggar at the door for a crust with his long story might be a tramp and
put his foot in the way to prevent me shutting it like that picture of
that hardened criminal he was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in
jail then he comes out and murders an old woman for her money imagine
his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face youd run miles
away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows
to make sure but its worse again being locked up like in a prison or a
madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute
like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed
Id cut them off him so I would not that hed be much use still better
than nothing the night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and
he went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker as if he was
looking for a mouse as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits
making as much noise as he possibly could for the burglars benefit
there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the feeling
especially now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl
down there to learn to take photographs on account of his grandfather
instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where shed have to learn not
like me getting all at school only hed do a thing like that all the
same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im certain the way
he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round with her in the
place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets coming
in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just as
I was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then
doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to
look at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack
statue with her roughness and carelessness before she left that I got
that little Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the join for 2
shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right