Ulysses
that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the one long
ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just give him one more chance Ill
get up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens old bed in any case I
might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables and cabbages and
tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in
lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre out
looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the
night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt
in your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill throw
him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his
mouth bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do
Ill go about rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa
pieta Masetto then Ill start dressing myself to go out presto non son
piu forte Ill put on my best shift and drawers let him have a good
eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him Ill let him know if
thats what he wanted that his wife is fucked yes and damn well fucked
too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres the
mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even iron it
out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly
unless I made him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell
him every scrap and make him do it out in front of me serve him right
its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the gallery
said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of
tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I
suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldnt
have made us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to
kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his
face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes
there my brown part then Ill tell him I want £ 1 or perhaps 30/- Ill
tell him I want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he
wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him like other women
do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and write
his name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it
up besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on me behind provided
he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be helped Ill
do the indifferent 1 or 2 questions Ill know by the answers when hes
like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill
tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick
my shit or the first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest
about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and
friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing
pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of
plum and apple no Ill have to wear the old things so much the better
itll be more pointed hell never know whether he did it or not there
thats good enough for you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me
just like a business his omission then Ill go out Ill have him eying up
at the ceiling where is she gone now make him want me thats the only
way a quarter after what an unearthly hour I suppose theyre just
getting up in China now combing out their pigtails for the day well
soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to spoil
their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office or the
alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself
let me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those
they invented like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much
nicer the apron he gave me was like that something only I only wore it
twice better lower this lamp and try again so as I can get up early Ill
go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and get them to send us some
flowers to put about the place in case he brings him home tomorrow
today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the place
up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can
have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the
keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or
those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7
1/2d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky
sugar 11d a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle of the
table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw them not long ago I
love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming in roses God of
heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and
the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats
and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about
that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all
sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the
ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no
God I wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why
dont they go and create something I often asked him atheists or
whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves
first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why
because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes
I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there
was anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so
there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising
tomorrow the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the
rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat
the day I got him to propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of
seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago
my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a
flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that
was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today
yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a
woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the
pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I
wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was
thinking of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and
Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors playing all
birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on the
pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing
round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls
laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the
morning the Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who
else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market
all clucking outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half
asleep and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the
steps and the big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle
thousands of years old yes and those handsome Moors all in white and
turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a shop
and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice
hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night
and the castanets and the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the
watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful deepdown
torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the
glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all
the queer little streets and the pink and blue and yellow houses and
the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and
Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put
the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a
red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well
as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again
yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and
first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could
feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and
yes I said yes I will Yes.
Trieste-Zurich-Paris
1914-1921