Villette
She took some tiny article of raiment from the chair at her crib side,
and with it covered her shoulders. I suffered her to do as she pleased.
Listening awhile in the darkness, I was aware that she still wept,—wept
under restraint, quietly and cautiously.
On awaking with daylight, a trickling of water caught my ear. Behold!
there she was risen and mounted on a stool near the washstand, with
pains and difficulty inclining the ewer (which she could not lift) so
as to pour its contents into the basin. It was curious to watch her as
she washed and dressed, so small, busy, and noiseless. Evidently she
was little accustomed to perform her own toilet; and the buttons,
strings, hooks and eyes, offered difficulties which she encountered
with a perseverance good to witness. She folded her night-dress, she
smoothed the drapery of her couch quite neatly; withdrawing into a
corner, where the sweep of the white curtain concealed her, she became
still. I half rose, and advanced my head to see how she was occupied.
On her knees, with her forehead bent on her hands, I perceived that she
was praying.
Her nurse tapped at the door. She started up.
“I am dressed, Harriet,” said she; “I have dressed myself, but I do not
feel neat. Make me neat!”
“Why did you dress yourself, Missy?”
“Hush! speak low, Harriet, for fear of waking _the girl_” (meaning me,
who now lay with my eyes shut). “I dressed myself to learn, against the
time you leave me.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“When you are cross, I have many a time wanted you to go, but not now.
Tie my sash straight; make my hair smooth, please.”
“Your sash is straight enough. What a particular little body you are!”
“It must be tied again. Please to tie it.”
“There, then. When I am gone you must get that young lady to dress
you.”
“On no account.”
“Why? She is a very nice young lady. I hope you mean to behave prettily
to her, Missy, and not show your airs.”
“She shall dress me on no account.”
“Comical little thing!”
“You are not passing the comb straight through my hair, Harriet; the
line will be crooked.”
“Ay, you are ill to please. Does that suit?”
“Pretty well. Where should I go now that I am dressed?”
“I will take you into the breakfast-room.”
“Come, then.”
They proceeded to the door. She stopped.
“Oh! Harriet, I wish this was papa’s house! I don’t know these people.”
“Be a good child, Missy.”
“I am good, but I ache here;” putting her hand to her heart, and
moaning while she reiterated, “Papa! papa!”
I roused myself and started up, to check this scene while it was yet
within bounds.
“Say good-morning to the young lady,” dictated Harriet. She said,
“Good-morning,” and then followed her nurse from the room. Harriet
temporarily left that same day, to go to her own friends, who lived in
the neighbourhood.
On descending, I found Paulina (the child called herself Polly, but her
full name was Paulina Mary) seated at the breakfast-table, by Mrs.
Bretton’s side; a mug of milk stood before her, a morsel of bread
filled her hand, which lay passive on the table-cloth: she was not
eating.
“How we shall conciliate this little creature,” said Mrs. Bretton to
me, “I don’t know: she tastes nothing, and by her looks, she has not
slept.”
I expressed my confidence in the effects of time and kindness.
“If she were to take a fancy to anybody in the house, she would soon
settle; but not till then,” replied Mrs. Bretton.
CHAPTER II.
PAULINA.
Some days elapsed, and it appeared she was not likely to take much of a
fancy to anybody in the house. She was not exactly naughty or wilful:
she was far from disobedient; but an object less conducive to
comfort—to tranquillity even—than she presented, it was scarcely
possible to have before one’s eyes. She moped: no grown person could
have performed that uncheering business better; no furrowed face of
adult exile, longing for Europe at Europe’s antipodes, ever bore more
legibly the signs of home sickness than did her infant visage. She
seemed growing old and unearthly. I, Lucy Snowe, plead guiltless of
that curse, an overheated and discursive imagination; but whenever,
opening a room-door, I found her seated in a corner alone, her head in
her pigmy hand, that room seemed to me not inhabited, but haunted.
And again, when of moonlight nights, on waking, I beheld her figure,
white and conspicuous in its night-dress, kneeling upright in bed, and
praying like some Catholic or Methodist enthusiast—some precocious
fanatic or untimely saint—I scarcely know what thoughts I had; but they
ran risk of being hardly more rational and healthy than that child’s
mind must have been.
I seldom caught a word of her prayers, for they were whispered low:
sometimes, indeed, they were not whispered at all, but put up
unuttered; such rare sentences as reached my ear still bore the burden,
“Papa; my dear papa!” This, I perceived, was a one-idea’d nature;
betraying that monomaniac tendency I have ever thought the most
unfortunate with which man or woman can be cursed.
What might have been the end of this fretting, had it continued
unchecked, can only be conjectured: it received, however, a sudden
turn.
One afternoon, Mrs. Bretton, coaxing her from her usual station in a
corner, had lifted her into the window-seat, and, by way of occupying
her attention, told her to watch the passengers and count how many
ladies should go down the street in a given time. She had sat
listlessly, hardly looking, and not counting, when—my eye being fixed
on hers—I witnessed in its iris and pupil a startling transfiguration.
These sudden, dangerous natures—_sensitive_ as they are called—offer
many a curious spectacle to those whom a cooler temperament has secured
from participation in their angular vagaries. The fixed and heavy gaze
swum, trembled, then glittered in fire; the small, overcast brow
cleared; the trivial and dejected features lit up; the sad countenance
vanished, and in its place appeared a sudden eagerness, an intense
expectancy. “It _is_!” were her words.
Like a bird or a shaft, or any other swift thing, she was gone from the
room. How she got the house-door open I cannot tell; probably it might
be ajar; perhaps Warren was in the way and obeyed her behest, which
would be impetuous enough. I—watching calmly from the window—saw her,
in her black frock and tiny braided apron (to pinafores she had an
antipathy), dart half the length of the street; and, as I was on the
point of turning, and quietly announcing to Mrs. Bretton that the child
was run out mad, and ought instantly to be pursued, I saw her caught
up, and rapt at once from my cool observation, and from the wondering
stare of the passengers. A gentleman had done this good turn, and now,
covering her with his cloak, advanced to restore her to the house
whence he had seen her issue.
I concluded he would leave her in a servant’s charge and withdraw; but
he entered: having tarried a little while below, he came up-stairs.
His reception immediately explained that he was known to Mrs. Bretton.
She recognised him; she greeted him, and yet she was fluttered,
surprised, taken unawares. Her look and manner were even expostulatory;
and in reply to these, rather than her words, he said,—“I could not
help it, madam: I found it impossible to leave the country without
seeing with my own eyes how she settled.”
“But you will unsettle her.”
“I hope not. And how is papa’s little Polly?”
This question he addressed to Paulina, as he sat down and placed her
gently on the ground before him.
“How is Polly’s papa?” was the reply, as she leaned on his knee, and
gazed up into his face.
It was not a noisy, not a wordy scene: for that I was thankful; but it
was a scene of feeling too brimful, and which, because the cup did not
foam up high or furiously overflow, only oppressed one the more. On all
occasions of vehement, unrestrained expansion, a sense of disdain or
ridicule comes to the weary spectator’s relief; whereas I have ever
felt most burdensome that sort of sensibility which bends of its own
will, a giant slave under the sway of good sense.
Mr. Home was a stern-featured—perhaps I should rather say, a
hard-featured man: his forehead was knotty, and his cheekbones were
marked and prominent. The character of his face was quite Scotch; but
there was feeling in his eye, and emotion in his now agitated
countenance. His northern accent in speaking harmonised with his
physiognomy. He was at once proud-looking and homely-looking. He laid
his hand on the child’s uplifted head. She said—“Kiss Polly.”
He kissed her. I wished she would utter some hysterical cry, so that I
might get relief and be at ease. She made wonderfully little noise: she
seemed to have got what she wanted—_all_ she wanted, and to be in a
trance of content. Neither in mien nor in features was this creature
like her sire, and yet she was of his strain: her mind had been filled
from his, as the cup from the flagon.
Indisputably, Mr. Home owned manly self-control, however he might
secretly feel on some matters. “Polly,” he said, looking down on his
little girl, “go into the hall; you will see papa’s great-coat lying on
a chair; put your hand into the pockets, you will find a
pocket-handkerchief there; bring it to me.”
She obeyed; went and returned deftly and nimbly. He was talking to Mrs.
Bretton when she came back, and she waited with the handkerchief in her
hand. It was a picture, in its way, to see her, with her tiny stature,
and trim, neat shape, standing at his knee. Seeing that he continued to
talk, apparently unconscious of her return, she took his hand, opened
the unresisting fingers, insinuated into them the handkerchief, and
closed them upon it one by one. He still seemed not to see or to feel
her; but by-and-by, he lifted her to his knee; she nestled against him,
and though neither looked at nor spoke to the other for an hour
following, I suppose both were satisfied.
During tea, the minute thing’s movements and behaviour gave, as usual,
full occupation to the eye. First she directed Warren, as he placed the
chairs.
“Put papa’s chair here, and mine near it, between papa and Mrs.
Bretton: _I_ must hand his tea.”
She took her own seat, and beckoned with her hand to her father.
“Be near me, as if we were at home, papa.”
And again, as she intercepted his cup in passing, and would stir the
sugar, and put in the cream herself, “I always did it for you at home;
papa: nobody could do it as well, not even your own self.”
Throughout the meal she continued her attentions: rather absurd they
were. The sugar-tongs were too wide for one of her hands, and she had
to use both in wielding them; the weight of the silver cream-ewer, the
bread-and-butter plates, the very cup and saucer, tasked her
insufficient strength and dexterity; but she would lift this, hand
that, and luckily contrived through it all to break nothing. Candidly
speaking, I thought her a little busy-body; but her father, blind like
other parents, seemed perfectly content to let her wait on him, and
even wonderfully soothed by her offices.
“She is my comfort!” he could not help saying to Mrs. Bretton. That
lady had her own “comfort” and nonpareil on a much larger scale, and,
for the moment, absent; so she sympathised with his foible.
This second “comfort” came on the stage in the course of the evening. I
knew this day had been fixed for his return, and was aware that Mrs.
Bretton had been expecting him through all its hours. We were seated
round the fire, after tea, when Graham joined our circle: I should
rather say, broke it up—for, of course, his arrival made a bustle; and
then, as Mr. Graham was fasting, there was refreshment to be provided.
He and Mr. Home met as old acquaintance; of the little girl he took no