War and Peace
Pierre suddenly flushed crimson and for a long time tried not to look
at Natásha. When he ventured to glance her way again her face was cold,
stern, and he fancied even contemptuous.
“And did you really see and speak to Napoleon, as we have been told?”
said Princess Mary.
Pierre laughed.
“No, not once! Everybody seems to imagine that being taken prisoner
means being Napoleon’s guest. Not only did I never see him but I heard
nothing about him—I was in much lower company!”
Supper was over, and Pierre who at first declined to speak about his
captivity was gradually led on to do so.
“But it’s true that you remained in Moscow to kill Napoleon?” Natásha
asked with a slight smile. “I guessed it then when we met at the
Súkharev tower, do you remember?”
Pierre admitted that it was true, and from that was gradually led by
Princess Mary’s questions and especially by Natásha’s into giving a
detailed account of his adventures.
At first he spoke with the amused and mild irony now customary with
him toward everybody and especially toward himself, but when he came
to describe the horrors and sufferings he had witnessed he was
unconsciously carried away and began speaking with the suppressed
emotion of a man re-experiencing in recollection strong impressions he
has lived through.
Princess Mary with a gentle smile looked now at Pierre and now at
Natásha. In the whole narrative she saw only Pierre and his goodness.
Natásha, leaning on her elbow, the expression of her face constantly
changing with the narrative, watched Pierre with an attention that never
wandered—evidently herself experiencing all that he described. Not only
her look, but her exclamations and the brief questions she put, showed
Pierre that she understood just what he wished to convey. It was clear
that she understood not only what he said but also what he wished to,
but could not, express in words. The account Pierre gave of the incident
with the child and the woman for protecting whom he was arrested was
this: “It was an awful sight—children abandoned, some in the flames...
One was snatched out before my eyes... and there were women who had
their things snatched off and their earrings torn out...” he flushed and
grew confused. “Then a patrol arrived and all the men—all those who were
not looting, that is—were arrested, and I among them.”
“I am sure you’re not telling us everything; I am sure you did
something...” said Natásha and pausing added, “something fine?”
Pierre continued. When he spoke of the execution he wanted to pass
over the horrible details, but Natásha insisted that he should not omit
anything.
Pierre began to tell about Karatáev, but paused. By this time he had
risen from the table and was pacing the room, Natásha following him with
her eyes. Then he added:
“No, you can’t understand what I learned from that illiterate man—that
simple fellow.”
“Yes, yes, go on!” said Natásha. “Where is he?”
“They killed him almost before my eyes.”
And Pierre, his voice trembling continually, went on to tell of the last
days of their retreat, of Karatáev’s illness and his death.
He told of his adventures as he had never yet recalled them. He now, as
it were, saw a new meaning in all he had gone through. Now that he was
telling it all to Natásha he experienced that pleasure which a man has
when women listen to him—not clever women who when listening either try
to remember what they hear to enrich their minds and when opportunity
offers to retell it, or who wish to adopt it to some thought of their
own and promptly contribute their own clever comments prepared in their
little mental workshop—but the pleasure given by real women gifted with
a capacity to select and absorb the very best a man shows of himself.
Natásha without knowing it was all attention: she did not lose a word,
no single quiver in Pierre’s voice, no look, no twitch of a muscle in
his face, nor a single gesture. She caught the unfinished word in its
flight and took it straight into her open heart, divining the secret
meaning of all Pierre’s mental travail.
Princess Mary understood his story and sympathized with him, but she
now saw something else that absorbed all her attention. She saw the
possibility of love and happiness between Natásha and Pierre, and the
first thought of this filled her heart with gladness.
It was three o’clock in the morning. The footmen came in with sad and
stern faces to change the candles, but no one noticed them.
Pierre finished his story. Natásha continued to look at him intently
with bright, attentive, and animated eyes, as if trying to understand
something more which he had perhaps left untold. Pierre in shamefaced
and happy confusion glanced occasionally at her, and tried to think what
to say next to introduce a fresh subject. Princess Mary was silent. It
occurred to none of them that it was three o’clock and time to go to
bed.
“People speak of misfortunes and sufferings,” remarked Pierre, “but if
at this moment I were asked: ‘Would you rather be what you were before
you were taken prisoner, or go through all this again?’ then for
heaven’s sake let me again have captivity and horseflesh! We imagine
that when we are thrown out of our usual ruts all is lost, but it is
only then that what is new and good begins. While there is life there is
happiness. There is much, much before us. I say this to you,” he added,
turning to Natásha.
“Yes, yes,” she said, answering something quite different. “I too should
wish nothing but to relive it all from the beginning.”
Pierre looked intently at her.
“Yes, and nothing more,” said Natásha.
“It’s not true, not true!” cried Pierre. “I am not to blame for being
alive and wishing to live—nor you either.”
Suddenly Natásha bent her head, covered her face with her hands, and
began to cry.
“What is it, Natásha?” said Princess Mary.
“Nothing, nothing.” She smiled at Pierre through her tears. “Good night!
It is time for bed.”
Pierre rose and took his leave.
Princess Mary and Natásha met as usual in the bedroom. They talked of
what Pierre had told them. Princess Mary did not express her opinion of
Pierre nor did Natásha speak of him.
“Well, good night, Mary!” said Natásha. “Do you know, I am often afraid
that by not speaking of him” (she meant Prince Andrew) “for fear of not
doing justice to our feelings, we forget him.”
Princess Mary sighed deeply and thereby acknowledged the justice of
Natásha’s remark, but she did not express agreement in words.
“Is it possible to forget?” said she.
“It did me so much good to tell all about it today. It was hard and
painful, but good, very good!” said Natásha. “I am sure he really loved
him. That is why I told him... Was it all right?” she added, suddenly
blushing.
“To tell Pierre? Oh, yes. What a splendid man he is!” said Princess
Mary.
“Do you know, Mary...” Natásha suddenly said with a mischievous smile
such as Princess Mary had not seen on her face for a long time, “he has
somehow grown so clean, smooth, and fresh—as if he had just come out of
a Russian bath; do you understand? Out of a moral bath. Isn’t it true?”
“Yes,” replied Princess Mary. “He has greatly improved.”
“With a short coat and his hair cropped; just as if, well, just as if he
had come straight from the bath... Papa used to...”
“I understand why he” (Prince Andrew) “liked no one so much as him,”
said Princess Mary.
“Yes, and yet he is quite different. They say men are friends when they
are quite different. That must be true. Really he is quite unlike him—in
everything.”
“Yes, but he’s wonderful.”
“Well, good night,” said Natásha.
And the same mischievous smile lingered for a long time on her face as
if it had been forgotten there.
CHAPTER XVIII
It was a long time before Pierre could fall asleep that night. He paced
up and down his room, now turning his thoughts on a difficult problem
and frowning, now suddenly shrugging his shoulders and wincing, and now
smiling happily.
He was thinking of Prince Andrew, of Natásha, and of their love, at one
moment jealous of her past, then reproaching himself for that feeling.
It was already six in the morning and he still paced up and down the
room.
“Well, what’s to be done if it cannot be avoided? What’s to be done?
Evidently it has to be so,” said he to himself, and hastily undressing
he got into bed, happy and agitated but free from hesitation or
indecision.
“Strange and impossible as such happiness seems, I must do everything
that she and I may be man and wife,” he told himself.
A few days previously Pierre had decided to go to Petersburg on the
Friday. When he awoke on the Thursday, Savélich came to ask him about
packing for the journey.
“What, to Petersburg? What is Petersburg? Who is there in Petersburg?”
he asked involuntarily, though only to himself. “Oh, yes, long ago
before this happened I did for some reason mean to go to Petersburg,”
he reflected. “Why? But perhaps I shall go. What a good fellow he is and
how attentive, and how he remembers everything,” he thought, looking at
Savélich’s old face, “and what a pleasant smile he has!”
“Well, Savélich, do you still not wish to accept your freedom?” Pierre
asked him.
“What’s the good of freedom to me, your excellency? We lived under the
late count—the kingdom of heaven be his!—and we have lived under you
too, without ever being wronged.”
“And your children?”
“The children will live just the same. With such masters one can live.”
“But what about my heirs?” said Pierre. “Supposing I suddenly marry...
it might happen,” he added with an involuntary smile.
“If I may take the liberty, your excellency, it would be a good thing.”
“How easy he thinks it,” thought Pierre. “He doesn’t know how terrible
it is and how dangerous. Too soon or too late... it is terrible!”
“So what are your orders? Are you starting tomorrow?” asked Savélich.
“No, I’ll put it off for a bit. I’ll tell you later. You must forgive
the trouble I have put you to,” said Pierre, and seeing Savélich smile,
he thought: “But how strange it is that he should not know that now
there is no Petersburg for me, and that that must be settled first of
all! But probably he knows it well enough and is only pretending. Shall
I have a talk with him and see what he thinks?” Pierre reflected. “No,
another time.”
At breakfast Pierre told the princess, his cousin, that he had been to
see Princess Mary the day before and had there met—“Whom do you think?
Natásha Rostóva!”
The princess seemed to see nothing more extraordinary in that than if he
had seen Anna Semënovna.
“Do you know her?” asked Pierre.
“I have seen the princess,” she replied. “I heard that they were
arranging a match for her with young Rostóv. It would be a very good
thing for the Rostóvs, they are said to be utterly ruined.”
“No; I mean do you know Natásha Rostóva?”
“I heard about that affair of hers at the time. It was a great pity.”
“No, she either doesn’t understand or is pretending,” thought Pierre.
“Better not say anything to her either.”
The princess too had prepared provisions for Pierre’s journey.
“How kind they all are,” thought Pierre. “What is surprising is that
they should trouble about these things now when it can no longer be of
interest to them. And all for me!”
On the same day the Chief of Police came to Pierre, inviting him to send
a representative to the Faceted Palace to recover things that were to be
returned to their owners that day.
“And this man too,” thought Pierre, looking into the face of the Chief
of Police. “What a fine, good-looking officer and how kind. Fancy
bothering about such trifles now! And they actually say he is not honest
and takes bribes. What nonsense! Besides, why shouldn’t he take bribes?