About this book

What Is Man? and Other Essays

Mark Twain

O.M. That list of sects is not a record of _studies_, searchings, seekings after light; it mainly (and sarcastically) indicates what _association _can do. If you know a man’s nationality you can come within a split hair of guessing the complexion of his religion: English—Protestant; American—ditto; Spaniard, Frenchman, Irishman, Italian, South American—Roman Catholic; Russian—Greek Catholic; Turk—Mohammedan; and so on. And when you know the man’s religious complexion, you know what sort of religious books he reads when he wants some more light, and what sort of books he avoids, lest by accident he get more light than he wants. In America if you know which party-collar a voter wears, you know what his associations are, and how he came by his politics, and which breed of newspaper he reads to get light, and which breed he diligently avoids, and which breed of mass-meetings he attends in order to broaden his political knowledge, and which breed of mass-meetings he doesn’t attend, except to refute its doctrines with brickbats. We are always hearing of people who are around _seeking after truth_. I have never seen a (permanent) specimen. I think he had never lived. But I have seen several entirely sincere people who _thought _they were (permanent) Seekers after Truth. They sought diligently, persistently, carefully, cautiously, profoundly, with perfect honesty and nicely adjusted judgment—until they believed that without doubt or question they had found the Truth. _That was the end of the search. _The man spent the rest of his life hunting up shingles wherewith to protect his Truth from the weather. If he was seeking after political Truth he found it in one or another of the hundred political gospels which govern men in the earth; if he was seeking after the Only True Religion he found it in one or another of the three thousand that are on the market. In any case, when he found the Truth _he sought no further; _but from that day forth, with his soldering-iron in one hand and his bludgeon in the other he tinkered its leaks and reasoned with objectors. There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers of Truth—have you ever heard of a permanent one? In the very nature of man such a person is impossible. However, to drop back to the text—training: all training is one form or another of _outside influence, _and _association _is the largest part of it. A man is never anything but what his outside influences have made him. They train him downward or they train him upward—but they _train _him; they are at work upon him all the time. Y.M. Then if he happen by the accidents of life to be evilly placed there is no help for him, according to your notions—he must train downward. O.M. No help for him? No help for this chameleon? It is a mistake. It is in his chameleonship that his greatest good fortune lies. He has only to change his habitat—his _associations_. But the impulse to do it must come from the _outside _—he cannot originate it himself, with that purpose in view. Sometimes a very small and accidental thing can furnish him the initiatory impulse and start him on a new road, with a new idea. The chance remark of a sweetheart, “I hear that you are a coward,” may water a seed that shall sprout and bloom and flourish, and ended in producing a surprising fruitage—in the fields of war. The history of man is full of such accidents. The accident of a broken leg brought a profane and ribald soldier under religious influences and furnished him a new ideal. From that accident sprang the Order of the Jesuits, and it has been shaking thrones, changing policies, and doing other tremendous work for two hundred years—and will go on. The chance reading of a book or of a paragraph in a newspaper can start a man on a new track and make him renounce his old associations and seek new ones that are _in sympathy with his new ideal_: and the result, for that man, can be an entire change of his way of life. Y.M. Are you hinting at a scheme of procedure? O.M. Not a new one—an old one. Old as mankind. Y.M. What is it? O.M. Merely the laying of traps for people. Traps baited with _initiatory impulses toward high ideals. _It is what the tract-distributor does. It is what the missionary does. It is what governments ought to do. Y.M. Don’t they? O.M. In one way they do, in another they don’t. They separate the smallpox patients from the healthy people, but in dealing with crime they put the healthy into the pest-house along with the sick. That is to say, they put the beginners in with the confirmed criminals. This would be well if man were naturally inclined to good, but he isn’t, and so _association _makes the beginners worse than they were when they went into captivity. It is putting a very severe punishment upon the comparatively innocent at times. They hang a man—which is a trifling punishment; this breaks the hearts of his family—which is a heavy one. They comfortably jail and feed a wife-beater, and leave his innocent wife and family to starve. Y.M. Do you believe in the doctrine that man is equipped with an intuitive perception of good and evil? O.M. Adam hadn’t it. Y.M. But has man acquired it since? O.M. No. I think he has no intuitions of any kind. He gets _all _his ideas, all his impressions, from the outside. I keep repeating this, in the hope that I may impress it upon you that you will be interested to observe and examine for yourself and see whether it is true or false. Y.M. Where did you get your own aggravating notions? O.M. From the _outside_. I did not invent them. They are gathered from a thousand unknown sources. Mainly _unconsciously _gathered. Y.M. Don’t you believe that God could make an inherently honest man? O.M. Yes, I know He could. I also know that He never did make one. Y.M. A wiser observer than you has recorded the fact that “an honest man’s the noblest work of God.” O.M. He didn’t record a fact, he recorded a falsity. It is windy, and sounds well, but it is not true. God makes a man with honest and dishonest _possibilities _in him and stops there. The man’s _associations _develop the possibilities—the one set or the other. The result is accordingly an honest man or a dishonest one. Y.M. And the honest one is not entitled to— O.M. Praise? No. How often must I tell you that? _He _is not the architect of his honesty. Y.M. Now then, I will ask you where there is any sense in training people to lead virtuous lives. What is gained by it? O.M. The man himself gets large advantages out of it, and that is the main thing—to _him_. He is not a peril to his neighbors, he is not a damage to them—and so _they _get an advantage out of his virtues. That is the main thing to _them_. It can make this life comparatively comfortable to the parties concerned; the _neglect _of this training can make this life a constant peril and distress to the parties concerned. Y.M. You have said that training is everything; that training is the man _himself_, for it makes him what he is. O.M. I said training and _another _thing. Let that other thing pass, for the moment. What were you going to say? Y.M. We have an old servant. She has been with us twenty—two years. Her service used to be faultless, but now she has become very forgetful. We are all fond of her; we all recognize that she cannot help the infirmity which age has brought her; the rest of the family do not scold her for her remissnesses, but at times I do—I can’t seem to control myself. Don’t I try? I do try. Now, then, when I was ready to dress, this morning, no clean clothes had been put out. I lost my temper; I lose it easiest and quickest in the early morning. I rang; and immediately began to warn myself not to show temper, and to be careful and speak gently. I safe-guarded myself most carefully. I even chose the very word I would use: “You’ve forgotten the clean clothes, Jane.” When she appeared in the door I opened my mouth to say that phrase—and out of it, moved by an instant surge of passion which I was not expecting and hadn’t time to put under control, came the hot rebuke, “You’ve forgotten them again!” You say a man always does the thing which will best please his Interior Master. Whence came the impulse to make careful preparation to save the girl the humiliation of a rebuke? Did that come from the Master, who is always primarily concerned about _himself_? O.M. Unquestionably. There is no other source for any impulse. _Secondarily _you made preparation to save the girl, but _primarily _its object was to save yourself, by contenting the Master. Y.M. How do you mean? O.M. Has any member of the family ever implored you to watch your temper and not fly out at the girl? Y.M. Yes. My mother. O.M. You love her? Y.M. Oh, more than that! O.M. You would always do anything in your power to please her? Y.M. It is a delight to me to do anything to please her! O.M. Why? _You would do it for pay, solely _—for _profit_. What profit would you expect and certainly receive from the investment? Y.M. Personally? None. To please _her _is enough. O.M. It appears, then, that your object, primarily, _wasn’t _to save the girl a humiliation, but to _please your mother. _It also appears that to please your mother gives _you _a strong pleasure. Is not that the profit which you get out of the investment? Isn’t that the _real _profits and _first _profit? Y.M. Oh, well? Go on. O.M. In _all _transactions, the Interior Master looks to it that _you get the first profit. _Otherwise there is no transaction. Y.M. Well, then, if I was so anxious to get that profit and so intent upon it, why did I throw it away by losing my temper? O.M. In order to get _another _profit which suddenly superseded it in value. Y.M. Where was it? O.M. Ambushed behind your born temperament, and waiting for a chance. Your native warm temper suddenly jumped to the front, and _for the moment its influence _was more powerful than your mother’s, and abolished it. In that instance you were eager to flash out a hot rebuke and enjoy it. You did enjoy it, didn’t you? Y.M. For—for a quarter of a second. Yes—I did. O.M. Very well, it is as I have said: the thing which will give you the _most _pleasure, the most satisfaction, in any moment or _fraction _of a moment, is the thing you will always do. You must content the Master’s _latest _whim, whatever it may be. Y.M. But when the tears came into the old servant’s eyes I could have cut my hand off for what I had done. O.M. Right. You had humiliated _yourself_, you see, you had given yourself _pain_. Nothing is of _first _importance to a man except results which damage _him _or profit him—all the rest is _secondary_. Your Master was displeased with you, although you had obeyed him. He required a prompt _repentance_; you obeyed again; you_ had _to—there is never any escape from his commands. He is a hard master and fickle; he changes his mind in the fraction of a second, but you must be ready to obey, and you will obey, _always_. If he requires repentance, you content him, you will always furnish it. He must be nursed, petted, coddled, and kept contented, let the terms be what they may. Y.M. Training! Oh, what’s the use of it? Didn’t I, and didn’t my mother try to train me up to where I would no longer fly out at that girl? O.M. Have you never managed to keep back a scolding? Y.M. Oh, certainly—many times. O.M. More times this year than last? Y.M. Yes, a good many more. O.M. More times last year than the year before? Y.M. Yes. O.M. There is a large improvement, then, in the two years? Y.M. Yes, undoubtedly. O.M. Then your question is answered. You see there _is _use in training. Keep on. Keeping faithfully on. You are doing well.