Wit and Wisdom of Don Quixote
employed, in order to overcome your enemy with safety to yourself.
There, too, you are often exposed to the extremes of cold and heat;
idleness and ease are despised; the body acquires health and vigorous
activity: in short, it is an exercise which may be beneficial to many
and injurious to none. Besides, it is not a vulgar amusement, but, like
hawking, is the peculiar sport of the great. Therefore, Sancho, change
your opinion before you become a governor, for then you will find your
account in these diversions."
"Not so, i' faith," replied Sancho, "the good governor and the broken
leg should keep at home. It would be fine, indeed, for people to come
after him about business and find him gadding in the mountains for his
pleasure. At that rate what would become of his government? In good
truth, sir, hunting and such like pastimes are rather for your idle
companions than for governors. The way I mean to divert myself shall be
with brag at Easter and at bowls on Sundays and holidays; as for your
hunting, it befits neither my condition nor conscience."
"Heaven grant you prove as good as you promise," said the duke, "but
saying and doing are often wide apart."
"Be that as it will," replied Sancho, "the good paymaster wants no pawn;
and God's help is better than early rising, and the belly carries the
legs, and not the legs the belly,--I mean that, with the help of Heaven
and a good intention, I warrant I shall govern better than a gos-hawk.
Ay, ay, let them put their fingers in my mouth and try whether or not I
can bite."
"A curse upon thy proverbs," said Don Quixote, "when will the day come
that I shall hear thee utter one coherent sentence without that base
intermixture! Let this blockhead alone, I beseech your excellencies, He
will grind your souls to death, not between two, but two thousand
proverbs, all timed as well and as much to the purpose as I wish God may
grant him health, or me, if I desire to hear them."
"Sancho Panza's proverbs," said the duchess, "though more numerous than
those of the Greek commentator, are equally admirable for their
sententious brevity."
He who has been a good squire will never be a bad governor.
A bad cloak often covers a good drinker.
When a friend drinks one's health, who can be so
hard-hearted as not to pledge him?
God's help is better than early rising.
Flame may give light and bonfires may illuminate, yet we may
easily be burnt by them; but music is always a sign of
feasting and merriment.
THE ACCOUNT OF THE METHOD PRESCRIBED TO DON QUIXOTE FOR DISENCHANTING
DULCINEA; WITH OTHER WONDERFUL EVENTS.
As the agreeable music approached, they observed that it attended a
stately triumphal car, drawn by six gray mules covered with white linen,
and upon each of them rode a penitent of light, clothed also in white,
and holding a lighted torch in his hand. The car was more than double
the size of the others which had passed, and twelve penitents were
ranged in order within it, all carrying lighted torches,--a sight which
at once caused surprise and terror. Upon an elevated throne sat a nymph,
covered with a thousand veils of silver tissue, bespangled with
innumerable flowers of gold, so that her dress, if not rich, was gay and
glittering. Over her head was thrown a transparent gauze, so thin that
through its folds might be seen a most beautiful face; and from the
multitude of lights, it was easy to discern that she was young as well
as beautiful, for she was evidently under twenty years of age, though
not less than seventeen. Close by her sat a figure, clad in a
magnificent robe reaching to the feet, having his head covered with a
black veil.
The moment this vast machine arrived opposite to where the duke and
duchess and Don Quixote stood, the attending music ceased, as well as
the harps and lutes within the car. The figure in the gown then stood
up, and throwing open the robe and uncovering his face; displayed the
ghastly countenance of death, looking so terrific that Don Quixote
started, Sancho was struck with terror, and even the duke and duchess
seemed to betray some symptoms of fear. This living Death, standing
erect, in a dull and drowsy tone and with a sleepy articulation, spoke
as follows:--
THE ENCHANTER'S ERRAND.
Merlin I am, miscalled the devil's son
In lying annals, authorized by time;
Monarch supreme, and great depositary
Of magic art and Zoroastic skill;
Rival of envious ages, that would hide
The glorious deeds of errant cavaliers,
Favored by me and my peculiar charge.
Though vile enchanters, still on mischief bent,
To plague mankind their baleful art employ,
Merlin's soft nature, ever prone to good,
His power inclines to bless the human race.
In Hades' chambers, where my busied ghost
Was forming spells and mystic characters,
Dulcinea's voice, peerless Tobosan maid,
With mournful accents reached my pitying ears;
I knew her woe, her metamorphosed form,
From high-born beauty in a palace graced,
To the loathed features of a cottage wench.
With sympathizing grief I straight revolved
The numerous tomes of my detested art,
And in the hollow of this skeleton
My soul enclosing, hither am I come,
To tell the cure of such uncommon ills.
O glory thou of all that case their limbs
In polished steel and fenceful adamant!
Light, beacon, polar star, and glorious guide
Of all who, starting from the lazy down,
Banish ignoble sleep for the rude toil
And hardy exercise of errant arms!
Spain's boasted pride, La Mancha's matchless knight,
Whose valiant deeds outstrip pursuing fame!
Wouldst thou to beauty's pristine state restore
The enchanted dame, Sancho, thy faithful squire,
Must to his brawny buttocks, bare exposed,
Three thousand and three hundred stripes apply,
Such as may sting and give him smarting pain:
The authors of her change have thus decreed,
And this is Merlin's errand from the shades.
THE PARLEY ABOUT THE PENANCE.
"What!" quoth Sancho, "three thousand lashes! Odd's-flesh! I will as
soon give myself three stabs as three single lashes, much less three
thousand! The devil take this way of disenchanting! I cannot see what my
buttocks have to do with enchantments. Before Heaven! if Signor Merlin
can find out no other way to disenchant the lady Dulcinea del Toboso,
enchanted she may go to her grave for me!"
"Not lash thyself! thou garlic-eating wretch!" quoth Don Quixote; "I
shall take thee to a tree, and tie thee naked as thou wert born, and
there, not three thousand and three hundred, but six thousand six
hundred lashes will I give thee, and those so well laid on that three
thousand three hundred hard tugs shall not tug them off. So answer me
not a word, scoundrel! for I will tear thy very soul out!"
"It must not be so," said Merlin; "the lashes that honest Sancho is to
receive must not be applied by force, but with his good-will, and at
whatever time he pleases, for no term is fixed; and furthermore, he is
allowed, if he please, to save himself half the trouble of applying so
many lashes, by having half the number laid on by another hand, provided
that hand be somewhat heavier than his own."
"Neither another hand nor my own," quoth Sancho, "no hand, either heavy
or light, shall touch my flesh. Was the lady Dulcinea brought forth by
me that my posteriors must pay for the transgressions of her eyes? My
master, indeed, who is part of her, since at every step he is calling
her his life, his soul, his support and stay,--he it is who ought to
lash himself for her and do all that is needful for her delivery; but
for me to whip myself,--no, I pronounce it!"
No sooner had Sancho thus declared himself than the spangled nymph who
sat by the side of Merlin arose, and throwing aside her veil, discovered
a face of extraordinary beauty; and with a masculine air and no very
amiable voice, addressed herself to Sancho: "O wretched squire, with no
more soul than a pitcher! thou heart of cork and bowels of flint! hadst
thou been required, nose-slitting thief! to throw thyself from some
high tower; hadst thou been desired, enemy of human kind! to eat a dozen
of toads, two dozen of lizards, and three dozen of snakes; hadst thou
been requested to kill thy wife and children with some bloody and sharp
scimitar,--no wonder if thou hadst betrayed some squeamishness; but to
hesitate about three thousand three hundred lashes, which there is not a
wretched school-boy but receives every month, it amazes, stupefies, and
affrights the tender bowels of all who hear it, and even of all who
shall hereafter be told it. Cast, thou marble-hearted wretch!--cast, I
say, those huge goggle eyes upon these lovely balls of mine, that shine
like glittering stars, and thou wilt see them weep, drop by drop, and
stream after stream, making furrows, tracks, and paths down these
beautiful cheeks! Relent, malicious and evil-minded monster! Be moved by
my blooming youth, which, though yet in its teens, is pining and
withering beneath the vile bark of a peasant wench; and if at this
moment I appear otherwise, it is by the special favor of Signor Merlin,
here present, hoping that these charms may soften that iron heart, for
the tears of afflicted beauty turn rocks into cotton and tigers into
lambs. Lash, untamed beast! lash away on that brawny flesh of thine, and
rouse from that base sloth which only inclines thee to eat and eat
again, and restore to me the delicacy of my skin, the sweetness of my
temper, and all the charms of beauty. And if for my sake thou wilt not
be mollified into reasonable compliance, let the anguish of that
miserable knight stir thee to compassion,--thy master, I mean, whose
soul I see sticking crosswise in his throat, not ten inches from his
lips, waiting only thy cruel or kind answer either to fly out of his
mouth or to return joyfully into his bosom."
Don Quixote, here putting his finger to his throat, "Before Heaven!"
said he, "Dulcinea is right, for I here feel my soul sticking in my
throat like the stopper of a crossbow!"
"What say you to that, Sancho?" quoth the duchess.
"I say, madam," answered Sancho, "what I have already said, that as to
the lashes, I pronounce them."
"_Renounce_, you should say, Sancho," quoth the duke, "and not
pronounce."
"Please your grandeur to let me alone," replied Sancho, "for I cannot
stand now to a letter more or less. These lashes so torment me that I
know not what I say or do. But I would fain know one thing from the Lady
Dulcinea del Toboso, and that is, where she learnt her manner of asking
a favor? She comes to desire me to tear my flesh with stripes, and at
the same time lays upon me such a bead-roll of ill names that the devil
may bear them for me. What! does she think my flesh is made of brass? or
that I care a rush whether she is enchanted or not? Where are the
presents she has brought to soften me? Instead of a basket of fine linen
shirts, night-caps, and socks (though I wear none), here is nothing but
abuse. Every one knows that 'the golden load is a burden light;' that
'gifts will make their way through stone walls;' 'pray devoutly and
hammer on stoutly;' and 'one take is worth two I'll give thee's.'
There's his worship my master, too, instead of wheedling and coaxing me
to make myself wool and carded cotton, threatens to tie me naked to a
tree and double the dose of stripes. These tender-hearted gentlefolks
ought to remember, too, that they not only desire to have a squire
whipped, but a governor, making no more of it than saying, 'Drink with
your cherries.' Let them learn,--plague take them!--let them learn how
to ask and entreat, and mind their breeding. All times are not alike,
nor are men always in a humor for all things. At this moment my heart is