Wit and Wisdom of Don Quixote
being lost in the one, and thy integrity in the other.
"Revile not with words him whom thou hast to correct with deeds; the
punishment which the unhappy wretch is doomed to suffer is sufficient,
without the addition of abusive language.
"When the criminal stands before thee, recollect the frail and depraved
nature of man, and as much as thou canst, without injustice to the
suffering party, show pity and clemency; for, though the attributes of
God are all equally adorable, yet His mercy is more shining and
attractive in our eyes, and strikes with greater lustre, than His
justice.
"If you observe, and conduct yourself by these rules and precepts,
Sancho, your days will be long upon the face of the earth; your fame
will be eternal, your reward complete, and your felicity unutterable;
your children will be married according to your wish; they and their
descendants will enjoy titles; you shall live in peace and friendship
with all mankind; when your course of life is run, death will overtake
you in a happy and mature old age, and your eyes will be shut by the
tender and delicate hands of your posterity, in the third or fourth
generation.
"The remarks I have hitherto made are documents touching the decoration
of your soul; and now you will listen to the directions I have to give
concerning thy person and deportment."
OF THE SECOND SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONS DON QUIXOTE GAVE TO SANCHO PANZA.
Who that has duly considered Don Quixote's instructions to his squire
would not have taken him for a person of singular intelligence and
discretion? But, in truth, as it has often been said in the progress of
this great history, he raved only on the subject of chivalry; on all
others he manifested a sound and discriminating understanding; wherefore
his judgment and his actions appeared continually at variance. But, in
these second instructions given to Sancho, which showed much ingenuity,
his wisdom and frenzy are both singularly conspicuous.
During the whole of this private conference, Sancho listened to his
master with great attention, and endeavored so to register his counsel
in his mind that he might thereby be enabled to bear the burden of
government and acquit himself honorably. Don Quixote now proceeded:--
"As to the regulation of thine own person and domestic concerns," said
he, "in the first place, Sancho, I enjoin thee to be cleanly in all
things. Keep the nails of thy fingers constantly and neatly pared, nor
suffer them to grow as some do, who ignorantly imagine that long nails
beautify the hand, and account the excess of that excrement simply a
finger-nail, whereas it is rather the talon of the lizard-hunting
kestrel,--a foul and unsightly object. A slovenly dress betokens a
careless mind; or, as in the case of Julius Caesar, it may be attributed
to cunning.
"Examine prudently the income of thy office, and if it will afford thee
to give liveries to thy servants, give them such as are decent and
lasting, rather than gaudy and modish; and what thou shalt thus save in
thy servants bestow on the poor; so shalt thou have attendants both in
heaven and earth--a provision which our vain-glorious great never think
of.
"Eat neither garlic nor onions, lest the smell betray thy rusticity.
Walk with gravity, and speak deliberately, but not so as to seem to be
listening to thyself; for affectation is odious.
"Eat little at dinner and less at supper; for the health of the whole
body is tempered in the laboratory of the stomach.
"Drink with moderation; for inebriety never keeps a secret nor performs
a promise.
"In the next place, Sancho, do not intermix in thy discourse such a
multitude of proverbs as thou wert wont to do; for though proverbs are
concise and pithy sentences, thou dost so often drag them in by the head
and shoulders that they look more like the ravings of distraction than
well-chosen apothegms."
"That defect God himself must remedy," said Sancho; "for I have more
proverbs by heart than would be sufficient to fill a large book; and,
when I speak, they crowd together in such a manner as to quarrel for
utterance; so that my tongue discharges them just as they happen to be
in the way, whether they are or are not to the purpose: but I will take
care henceforward to throw out those that may be suitable to the gravity
of my office: for, 'Where there's plenty of meat, the supper will soon
be complete;' 'He that shuffles does not cut;' 'A good hand makes a
short game;' and, 'It requires a good brain to know when to give and
retain.'"
"Courage, Sancho," cried Don Quixote; "squeeze, tack, and string your
proverbs together; here are none to oppose you. My mother whips me, and
I whip the top. Here am I exhorting thee to suppress thy proverbs, and
in an instant thou hast spewed forth a whole litany of them, which are
as foreign from the subject as an old ballad. Remember, Sancho, I do not
say that a proverb properly applied is amiss; but, to throw in, and
string together old saws helter-skelter, renders conversation altogether
mean and despicable.
"When you appear on horseback do not lean backward over the saddle, nor
stretch out your legs stiffly from the horse's belly, nor let them hang
dangling in a slovenly manner, as if you were upon the back of Dapple;
for some ride like jockeys, and some like gentlemen.
"Be very moderate in sleeping; for he who does not rise with the sun
cannot enjoy the day; and observe, O Sancho, industry is the mother of
prosperity; and laziness, her opposite, never saw the accomplishment of
a good wish.
"This is all the advice, friend Sancho, that occurs to me at present;
hereafter, as occasions offer, my instructions will be ready, provided
thou art mindful to inform me of the state of thy affairs."
"Sir," answered Sancho, "I see very well that all your worship has told
me is wholesome and profitable; but what shall I be the better for it if
I cannot keep it in my head? It is true, I shall not easily forget what
you have said about paring my nails, and marrying again if the
opportunity offers; but for your other quirks and quillets, I protest
they have already gone out of my head as clean as last year's clouds;
and therefore, let me have them in writing; for though I cannot read
them myself, I will give them to my confessor, that he may repeat and
drive them into me in time of need."
"Heaven defend me!" said Don Quixote, "how scurvy doth it look in a
governor to be unable to read or write! Indeed, Sancho, I must needs
tell thee that when a man has not been taught to read, or is
left-handed, it argues that his parentage was very low, or that, in
early life, he was so indocile and perverse that his teachers could beat
nothing good into him. Truly this is a great defect in thee, and
therefore I would have thee learn to write, even if it were only thy
name."
"That I can do already," quoth Sancho; "for when I was steward of the
brotherhood in our village, I learned to make certain marks like those
upon wool-packs, which they told me, stood for my name. But, at the
worst, I can feign a lameness in my right hand, and get another to sign
for me: there is a remedy for every thing but death; and, having the
staff in my hand, I can do what I please. Besides, as your worship
knows, he whose father is mayor[12]--and I, being governor, am, I trow,
something more than mayor.
"Ay, ay, let them come that list, and play at bo-peep--ay, fleer and
backbite me; but they may come for wool and go back shorn: 'His home is
savory whom God loves;'--besides, 'The rich man's blunders pass current
for wise maxims;' so that I, being a governor, and therefore wealthy,
and bountiful to boot--as I intend to be--nobody will see any blemish in
me. No, no, let the clown daub himself with honey, and he will never
want flies. 'As much as you have, just so much you are worth,' said my
grandam; revenge yourself upon the rich who can."
"Heaven confound thee!" exclaimed Don Quixote; "sixty thousand devils
take thee and thy proverbs! This hour, or more, thou hast been stringing
thy musty wares, poisoning and torturing me without mercy. Take my word
for it, these proverbs will one day bring thee to the gallows;--they
will surely provoke thy people to rebellion! Where dost thou find them?
How shouldst thou apply them, idiot? for I toil and sweat as if I were
delving the ground to utter but one, and apply it properly."
"Before Heaven, master of mine," replied Sancho, "your worship complains
of very trifles. Why, in the devil's name, are you angry that I make use
of my own goods? for other stock I have none, nor any stock but proverbs
upon proverbs; and just now I have four ready to pop out, all pat and
fitting as pears in a pannier--but I am dumb: Silence is my name."[13]
"Then art thou vilely miscalled," quoth Don Quixote, "being an eternal
babbler. Nevertheless, I would fain know these four proverbs that come
so pat to the purpose; for I have been rummaging my own memory, which is
no bad one, but for the soul of me, I can find none."
"Can there be better," quoth Sancho, "than--'Never venture your fingers
between two eye-teeth;' and with 'Get out of my house--what would you
have with my wife?' there is no arguing; and, 'Whether the pitcher hits
the stone, or the stone hits the pitcher, it goes ill with the pitcher.'
All these, your worship must see, fit to a hair. Let no one meddle with
the governor or his deputy, or he will come off the worst, like him who
claps his finger between two eye-teeth, and though they were not
eye-teeth, 'tis enough if they be but teeth. To what a governor says
there is no replying, any more than to 'Get out of my house--what
business have you with my wife?' Then as to the stone and the pitcher--a
blind man may see that. So he who points to the mote in another man's
eye, should first look to the beam in his own, that it may not be said
of him, the dead woman was afraid of her that was flayed. Besides, your
worship knows well that the fool knows more in his own house than the
wise in that of another."
"Not so, Sancho," answered Don Quixote, "the fool knows nothing, either
in his own or any other house; for knowledge is not to be erected upon
so bad a foundation as folly. But here let it rest, Sancho, for, if thou
governest ill, though the fault will be thine, the shame will be mine.
However, I am comforted in having given thee the best counsel in my
power; and therein having done my duty, I am acquitted both of my
obligation and promise; so God speed thee, Sancho, and govern thee in
thy government, and deliver me from the fears I entertain that thou wilt
turn the whole island topsy-turvy!--which, indeed, I might prevent by
letting the duke know what thou art, and telling him that all that
paunch-gut and little carcass of thine is nothing but a sack full of
proverbs and impertinence."
"Signor," replied Sancho, "if your worship really thinks I am not
qualified for that government, I renounce it from henceforward forever,
amen. I have a greater regard for a nail's breadth of my soul than my
whole body; and I can subsist, as bare Sancho, upon a crust of bread and
an onion, as well as governor on capons and partridges; for, while we
sleep, great and small, rich and poor, are equal all. If your worship
will consider, your worship will find that you yourself put this scheme
of government into my head. As for my own part, I know no more of the
matter than a bustard; and, if you think the governorship will be the
means of my going to the devil, I would much rather go as simple Sancho
to Heaven than as a governor to hell-fire."
"Before God!" cried the knight, "from these last reflections thou hast
uttered, I pronounce thee worthy to govern a thousand islands. Thou hast
an excellent natural disposition, without which all science is naught.