Wit and Wisdom of Don Quixote
Recommend thyself to God, and endeavor to avoid errors in the first
intention. I mean, let thy intention and unshaken purpose be to deal
righteously in all thy transactions, for Heaven always favors the
upright design. And now let us go in to dinner, for I believe their
graces wait for us."
Without discretion there can be no wit.
O poverty, poverty! I know not what should induce the great Cordovan
poet to call thee a holy, unrequited gift. I, though a Moor, am very
sensible, from my correspondence with Christians, that holiness consists
in charity, humility, faith, poverty, and obedience; yet, nevertheless,
I will affirm that he must be holy indeed, who can sit down content with
poverty, unless we mean that kind of poverty to which one of the
greatest saints alludes, when he says, "Possess of all things as not
possessing them;" and this is called spiritual poverty. But thou second
poverty, which is the cause I spoke of, why wouldst thou assault
gentlemen of birth rather than any other class of people? Why dost thou
compel them to cobble their shoes, and wear upon their coats one button
of silk, another of hair, and a third of glass? Why must their ruffs be
generally yellow and ill-starched? (By the by, from this circumstance we
learn the antiquity of ruffs and starch. But thus he proceeds:) O
wretched man of noble pedigree! who is obliged to administer cordials to
his honor, in the midst of hunger and solitude, by playing the hypocrite
with a toothpick, which he affects to use in the street, though he has
eat nothing to require that act of cleanliness. Wretched he, I say,
whose honor is ever apt to be startled, and thinks that everybody at a
league's distance observes the patch upon his shoe, his greasy hat, and
his threadbare cloak, and even the hunger that consumes him.
Better a blush on the face than a stain in the heart.
Look not in last year's nests for this year's birds.
A SERENADE.
And he forthwith imagined that some damsel belonging to the duchess had
become enamored of him. Though somewhat fearful of the beautiful foe, he
resolved to fortify his heart, and on no account to yield; so,
commending himself with fervent devotion to his mistress, Dulcinea del
Toboso, he determined to listen to the music; and to let the damsel know
he was there he gave a feigned sneeze, at which they were not a little
pleased, as they desired above all things that he should hear them. The
harp being now tuned, Altisidora began the following song[14]:--
Wake, sir knight, now love's invading,
Sleep in Holland sheets no more;
When a nymph is serenading,
'Tis an arrant shame to snore.
Hear a damsel tall and tender,
Moaning in most rueful guise,
With heart almost burned to cinder
By the sunbeams of thine eyes.
To free damsels from disaster
Is, they say, your daily care:
Can you then deny a plaster
To a wounded virgin here?
Tell me, doughty youth, who cursed thee
With such humors and ill-luck?
Was't some sullen bear dry-nursed thee,
Or she-dragon gave thee suck?
Dulcinea, that virago,
Well may brag of such a Cid,
Now her fame is up, and may go
From Toledo to Madrid.
Would she but her prize surrender,
(Judge how on thy face I dote!)
In exchange I'd gladly send her
My best gown and petticoat.
Happy I, would fortune doom me
But to have me near thy bed,
Stroke thee, pat thee, currycomb thee,
And hunt o'er thy knightly head.
But I ask too much, sincerely,
And I doubt I ne'er must do't,
I'd but kiss your toe, and fairly
Get the length thus of your foot.
How I'd rig thee, and what riches
Should be heaped upon thy bones!
Caps and socks, and cloaks and breeches,
Matchless pearls and precious stones.
Do not from above, like Nero,
See me burn and slight my woe,
But to quench my fires, my hero,
Cast a pitying eye below.
I'm a virgin-pullet, truly;
One more tender ne'er was seen.
A mere chicken fledged but newly;--
Hang me if I'm yet fifteen.
Wind and limb, all's tight about me,
My hair dangles to my feet;
I am straight, too:--if you doubt me,
Trust your eyes, come down and see't.
I've a bob nose has no fellow,
And a sparrow's mouth as rare;
Teeth, like bright topazes, yellow;
Yet I'm deemed a beauty here.
You know what a rare musician
(If you hearken) courts your choice;
I dare say my disposition
Is as taking as my voice.
Here ended the song of the amorous Altisidora, and began the alarm of
the courted Don Quixote, who, fetching a deep sigh, said within himself:
"Why am I so unhappy a knight-errant that no damsel can see but she must
presently fall in love with me? Why is the peerless Dulcinea so unlucky
that she must not be suffered singly to enjoy this my incomparable
constancy? Queens, what would ye have with her? Empresses, why do ye
persecute her? Damsels from fourteen to fifteen, why do ye plague her?
Leave, leave the poor creature; let her triumph and glory in the lot
which love bestowed upon her in the conquest of my heart and the
surrender of my soul. Take notice, enamored multitude, that to Dulcinea
alone I am paste and sugar, and to all others flint. To her I am honey,
and to the rest of ye aloes. To me, Dulcinea alone is beautiful,
discreet, lively, modest, and well-born; all the rest of her sex foul,
foolish, fickle, and base-born. To be hers, and hers alone, nature sent
me into the world. Let Altisidora weep or sing, let the lady despair on
whose account I was buffeted in the castle of the enchanted Moor; boiled
or roasted, Dulcinea's I must be, clean, well-bred, and chaste, in spite
of all the necromantic powers on earth."
HOW THE GREAT SANCHO PANZA TOOK POSSESSION OF HIS ISLAND, AND OF THE
MANNER OF HIS BEGINNING TO GOVERN IT.--THE GOVERNOR'S WISDOM.
O thou ceaseless discoverer of the antipodes, torch of the world, eye of
Heaven, and sweet cause of earthen wine coolers; here Thymbrius, there
Phoebus; here archer, there physician, father of poesy, inventor of
music; thou who always risest, and, though thou seemest to do so, never
settest,--to thee I speak, O sun! thee I invoke to favor and enlighten
the obscurity of the great Sancho Panza; without thee I find myself
indolent, dispirited, and confused!
Sancho, then, with all his attendants, arrived at a town containing
about a thousand inhabitants, which was one of the largest and best the
duke had. They gave him to understand that it was called the island of
Barataria, either because Barataria was really the name of the place, or
because he obtained the government of it at so cheap a rate. On his
arrival near the gates of the town, which was walled about, the
municipal officers came out to receive him. The bells rung, and, with
all the demonstrations of a general joy and a great deal of pomp, the
people conducted him to the great church to give thanks to God.
Presently after, with certain ridiculous ceremonies, they presented him
the keys of the town and constituted him perpetual governor of the
island of Barataria. The garb, the beard, the thickness and shortness of
the new governor, surprised all who were not in the secret, and, indeed,
those who were, who were not a few. In fine, as soon as they had brought
him out of the church, they carried him to the tribunal of justice and
placed him in the chair. The duke's steward then said to him, "It is an
ancient custom here, my lord governor, that he who comes to take
possession of this famous island is obliged to answer a question put to
him, which is to be somewhat intricate and difficult. By his answer the
people are enabled to feel the pulse of their new governor's
understanding, and, accordingly, are either glad or sorry for his
coming."
While the steward was saying this, Sancho was staring at some capital
letters written on the wall opposite to his chair, and, being unable to
read, he asked what that writing was on the wall. He was answered, "Sir,
it is there written on what day your honor took possession of this
island. The inscription runs thus: 'This day, such a day of the month
and year, Signor Don Sancho Panza took possession of this island. Long
may he enjoy it.'"
"Pray who is it they call Don Sancho Panza?" demanded Sancho.
"Your lordship," answered the steward! "for no other Panza, besides him
now in the chair, ever came into this island."
"Take notice, then, brother," returned Sancho, "that the _Don_ does not
belong to me, nor ever did to any of my family. I am called plain Sancho
Panza: my father was a Sancho, and my grandfather was a Sancho, and they
were all Panzas, without any addition of _Dons_, or any other title
whatever. I fancy there are more _Dons_ than stones in this island. But
enough: God knows my meaning: and perhaps, if my government lasts four
days, I may weed out these _Dons_ that over-run the country, and, by
their numbers, are as troublesome as mosquitoes and cousins. On with
your question, Master Steward, and I will answer the best I can, let the
people be sorry or rejoice."
About this time two men came into the court, the one clad like a country
fellow, and the other like a tailor, with a pair of shears in his hand;
and the tailor said: "My lord governor, I and this countryman come
before your worship by reason this honest man came yesterday to my shop
(saving your presence, I am a tailor, and have passed my examination,
God be thanked), and putting a piece of cloth into my hands, asked me,
'Sir, is there enough of this to make me a cap?' I, measuring the piece,
answered Yes. Now he bade me view it again, and see if there was not
enough for two. I guessed his drift, and told him there was. Persisting
in his knavish intentions, my customer went on increasing the number of
caps, and I still saying yes, till we came to five caps. A little time
ago he came to claim them. I offered them to him, but he refuses to pay
me for the making, and insists I shall either return him his cloth, or
pay him for it."
"Is all this so, brother?" demanded Sancho.
"Yes," answered the man; "but pray, my lord, make him produce the five
caps he has made me."
"With all my heart," answered the tailor; and pulling his hand from
under his cloak, he showed the five caps on the ends of his fingers and
thumb, saying: "Here are the five caps this honest man would have me
make, and on my soul and conscience, not a shred of the cloth is left,
and I submit the work to be viewed by any inspectors of the trade."
All present laughed at the number of the caps and the novelty of the
suit. Sancho reflected a moment, and then said: "I am of opinion there
needs no great delay in this suit, and it may be decided very equitably
off-hand. Therefore I pronounce, that the tailor lose the making, and
the countryman the stuff, and that the caps be confiscated to the use of
the poor: and there is an end of that."
If the sentence Sancho afterwards passed on the purse of the herdsman
caused the admiration of all the bystanders, this excited their
laughter. However, what the governor commanded was executed, and two old
men next presented themselves before him. One of them carried a cane in
his hand for a staff; the other, who had no staff, said to Sancho: "My
lord, some time ago I lent this man ten crowns of gold to oblige and
serve him, upon condition that he should return them on demand. I let
some time pass without asking for them, being loth to put him to a
greater strait to pay me than he was in when I lent them. But at length,
thinking it full time to be repaid, I asked him for my money more than
once, but to no purpose: he not only refuses payment, but denies the
debt, and says I never lent him any such sum, or, if I did that he had