Wit and Wisdom of Don Quixote
health and welfare; and if you want anything, you need but open your
mouth, and it shall be measured. So God keep you.
"Your loving Friend,
"The DUCHESS.
"From this place."
"Ah!" quoth Teresa, at hearing the letter, "how good, how plain, how
humble a lady! let me be buried with such ladies as this, say I and not
with such proud madams as this town affords, who think because they are
gentlefolks, the wind must not blow upon them; and go flaunting to
church as if they were queens! they seem to think it a disgrace to look
upon a peasant woman: and yet you see how this good lady, though she be
a duchess, calls me friend, and treats me as if I were her equal!--and
equal may I see her to the highest steeple in La Mancha! As to the
acorns, sir, I will send her ladyship a peck of them, and such as, for
their size, people shall come from far and near to see and admire. But
for the present, Sanchica, let us make much of this gentleman. Do thou
take care of his horse, child, and bring some new-laid eggs out of the
stable, and slice some rashers of bacon, and let us entertain him like
any prince; for his good news and his own good looks deserve no less."
Sanchica now came in with her lap full of eggs. "Pray, sir," said she to
the page, "does my father, now he is a governor, wear trunk-hose?"[15]
"I never observed," answered the page, "but doubtless he does."
"God's my life!" replied Sanchica, "what a sight to see my father in
long breeches? Is it not strange that ever since I was born I have
longed to see my father with breeches of that fashion laced to his
girdle?"
"I warrant you will have that pleasure if you live," answered the page;
"before Heaven, if his government lasts but two months, he is likely to
travel with a cape to his cap." [16]
OF THE PROGRESS OF SANCHO PANZA'S GOVERNMENT.
The first business that occurred on that day was an appeal to his
judgment in a case which was thus stated by a stranger--the appellant:
"My lord," said he, "there is a river which passes through the domains
of a certain lord, dividing it into two parts--I beseech your honor to
give me your attention, for it is a case of great importance and some
difficulty. I say, then, that upon this river there was a bridge, and at
one end of it a gallows and a kind of court-house, where four judges sit
to try, and pass sentence upon those who are found to transgress a
certain law enacted by the proprietor, which runs thus: 'Whoever would
pass over this bridge must first declare upon oath whence he comes, and
upon what business he is going; and if he swears the truth, he shall
pass over; but if he swears to a falsehood, he shall certainly die upon
a gibbet there provided.'
"After this law was made known, many persons ventured over it, and the
truth of what they swore being admitted, they were allowed freely to
pass. But a man now comes demanding a passage over the bridge; and, on
taking the required oath, he swears that he is going to be executed
upon the gibbet before him, and that he has no other business. The
judges deliberated, but would not decide. 'If we let this man pass
freely,' said they, 'he will have sworn falsely, and by the law, he
ought to die: and, if we hang him, he will verify his oath, and he,
having sworn the truth, ought to have passed unmolested as the law
ordains.' The case, my lord, is yet suspended, for the judges know not
how to act; and, therefore having heard of your lordship's great wisdom
and acuteness, they have sent me humbly to beseech your lordship on
their behalf, to give your opinion in so intricate and perplexing a
case."
"To deal plainly with you," said Sancho, "these gentlemen judges who
sent you to me might have saved themselves and you the labor; for I have
more of the blunt than the acute in me. However, let me hear your
question once more, that I may understand it the better, and mayhap I
may chance to hit the right nail on the head."
The man accordingly told his tale once or twice more, and when he had
done, the governor thus delivered his opinion: "To my thinking," said
he, "this matter may soon be settled; and I will tell you how. The man,
you say, swears he is going to die upon the gallows; and if he is
hanged, it would be against the law, because he swore the truth; and if
they do not hang him, why then he swore a lie, and ought to have
suffered."
"It is just as you say, my lord governor," said the messenger, "and
nothing more is wanting to a right understanding of the case."
"I say, then," continued Sancho, "that they must let that part of the
man pass that swore the truth and hang that part that swore the lie, and
thereby the law will be obeyed."
"If so, my lord," replied the stranger, "the man must be divided into
two parts; and thereby he will certainly die, and thus the law, which we
are bound to observe, is in no respect complied with."
"Harkee, honest man," said Sancho, "either I have no brains, or there is
as much reason to put this passenger to death as to let him live and
pass the bridge; for, if the truth saves him, the lie also condemns him,
and this being so, you may tell those gentlemen who sent you to me, that
since the reasons for condemning and acquitting him are equal, they
should let the man pass freely, for it is always more commendable to do
good than to do harm."
Sancho having plentifully dined that day, in spite of all the aphorisms
of Dr. Tirteafuera, when the cloth was removed in came an express with a
letter from Don Quixote to the governor. Sancho ordered the secretary to
read it to himself, and if there was nothing in it for secret perusal,
then to read it aloud. The secretary having first run it over,
accordingly, "My lord," said he, "the letter may not only be publicly
read, but deserves to be engraved in characters of gold; and thus it
is:--"
DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA TO SANCHO PANZA, GOVERNOR OF THE ISLAND OF
BARATARIA.
"When I expected to have had an account of thy carelessness and
blunders, friend Sancho, I was agreeably disappointed with news of thy
wise behavior,--for which I return thanks to Heaven, that can raise the
lowest from their poverty and turn the fool into a man of sense. I hear
thou governest with all discretion; and that, nevertheless, thou
retainest the humility of the meanest creature. But I would observe to
thee, Sancho, that it is often expedient and necessary, for the due
support of authority, to act in contradiction to the humility of the
heart. The personal adornments of one that is raised to a high situation
must correspond with his present greatness, and not with his former
lowliness. Let thy apparel, therefore, be good and becoming; for the
hedgestake, when decorated no longer, appears what it really is. I do
not mean that thou shouldst wear jewels or finery; nor, being a judge,
would I have thee dress like a soldier; but adorn thyself in a manner
suitable to thy employment. To gain the good-will of thy people, two
things, among others, thou must not fail to observe: one is, to be
courteous to all,--that, indeed, I have already told thee; the other is,
to take especial care that the people be exposed to no scarcity of food,
for, with the poor, hunger is, of all afflictions, the most
insupportable. Publish few edicts, but let those be good; and, above
all, see that they are well observed, for edicts that are not kept are
the same as not made, and serve only to show that the prince, though he
had wisdom and authority to make them had not the courage to insist upon
their execution. Laws that threaten and are not enforced become like
King Log, whose croaking subjects first feared, then despised him. Be a
father to virtue and a step-father to vice. Be not always severe, nor
always mild; but choose the happy mean between them, which is the true
point of discretion. Visit the prisons, the shambles, and the markets;
for there the presence of the governor is highly necessary. Such
attention is a comfort to the prisoner hoping for release; it is a
terror to the butchers, who then dare not make use of false weights; and
the same effect is produced on all other dealers. Shouldst thou
unhappily be secretly inclined to avarice, to gluttony, or women,--which
I hope thou art not,--avoid showing thyself guilty of these vices; for,
when those who are concerned with thee discover thy ruling passion, they
will assault thee on that quarter, nor leave thee till they have
effected thy destruction. View and review, consider and reconsider, the
counsels and documents I gave thee in writing before thy departure hence
to thy government, and in them thou wilt find a choice supply to sustain
thee through the toils and difficulties which governors must continually
encounter. Write to thy patrons, the duke and duchess, and show thyself
grateful, for ingratitude is the daughter of pride, and one of the
greatest sins; whereas, he who is grateful to those that have done him
service, thereby testifies that he will be grateful also to God, his
constant benefactor.
"My lady duchess has despatched a messenger to thy wife Teresa with thy
hunting-suit, and also a present from herself. We expect an answer every
moment. I have been a little out of order with a certain cat-clawing
which befell me, not much to the advantage of my nose; but it was
nothing, for if there are enchanters who persecute me, there are others
who defend me. Let me know if the steward who is with thee had any hand
in the actions of the Trifaldi, as thou hast suspected; and give me
advice, from time to time, of all that happens to thee, since the
distance between us is so short. I think of quitting this idle life very
soon, for I was not born for luxury and ease. A circumstance has
occurred which may, I believe, tend to deprive me of the favor of the
duke and duchess; but, though it afflicts me much, it affects not my
determination, for I must comply with the duties of my profession in
preference to any other claim; as it is often said, _Amicus Plato, sed
magis amica veritas_. I write this in Latin, being persuaded that thou
hast learned that language since thy promotion. Farewell, and God have
thee in His keeping; so mayst thou escape the pity of the world.
"Thy friend,
"DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA."
Sancho gave great attention to the letter; and it was highly applauded,
both for sense and integrity, by everybody that heard it. After that, he
rose from the table, and calling the secretary, went without any further
delay and locked himself up with him in his chamber, to write an answer
to his master, Don Quixote, which was as follows:--
SANCHO PANZA TO DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA.
"I am so taken up with business that I have not yet had time to let you
know whether it goes well or ill with me in this same government, where
I am more hunger-starved than when you and I wandered through woods and
wildernesses.
"My lord duke wrote to me the other day to inform me of some spies that
were got into this island to kill me; but as yet I have discovered none
but a certain doctor, hired by the islanders to kill all the governors
that come near it. They call him Dr. Pedro Rezio de Anguero, and he was
born at Tirteafuera. His name is enough to make me fear he will be the
death of me. This same doctor says of himself, that he does cure
diseases when you have them; but when you have them not, he only
pretends to keep them from coming. The physic he uses is fasting upon
fasting, till he turns a body to a mere skeleton; as if to be wasted to
skin and bones were not as bad as a fever. In short, he starves me to
death; so that, when I thought, as being a governor, to have plenty of
good hot victuals and cool liquor, and to repose on a soft feather-bed,
I am come to do penance like a hermit.
"I have not yet so much as fingered the least penny of money, either for