Wit and Wisdom of Don Quixote
willingly take some food," answered Don Quixote, "for I apprehend it
would be of much service to me." That day happened to be Friday, and
there was nothing in the house but some fish of that kind which in
Castile is called Abadexo; in Andalusia, Bacallao; in some parts,
Curadillo: and in others, Truchuela. They asked if his worship would
like some truchuela, for they had no other fish to offer him. "If there
be many troutlings," replied Don Quixote, "they will supply the place of
one trout; for it is the same to me whether I receive eight single rials
or one piece-of-eight. Moreover, these troutlings may be preferable, as
veal is better than beef, and kid superior to goat. Be that as it may,
let it come immediately, for the toil and weight of arms cannot be
sustained by the body unless the interior be supplied with aliments."
For the benefit of the cool air, they placed the table at the door of
the inn, and the landlord produced some of his ill-soaked and
worse-cooked bacallao, with bread as foul and black as the knight's
armor. But it was a spectacle highly risible to see him eat; for his
hands being engaged in holding his helmet on and raising the beaver, he
could not feed himself, therefore one of the ladies performed that
office for him; but to drink would have been utterly impossible had not
the innkeeper bored a reed, and placing one end into his mouth at the
other poured in the wine; and all this he patiently endured rather than
cut the lacings of his helmet.
THE PLEASANT METHOD DON QUIXOTE TOOK TO BE
DUBBED A KNIGHT.
It troubled him to reflect that he was not yet a knight, feeling
persuaded that he could not lawfully engage in any adventure until he
had been invested with the order of knighthood.
Agitated by this idea, he abruptly finished his scanty supper, called
the innkeeper, and, shutting himself up with him in the stable, he fell
on his knees before him and said, "Never will I arise from this place,
valorous knight, until your courtesy shall vouchsafe to grant a boon
which it is my intention to request,--a boon that will redound to your
glory and to the benefit of all mankind." The innkeeper, seeing his
guest at his feet and hearing such language, stood confounded and stared
at him without knowing what to do or say; he entreated him to rise, but
in vain, until he had promised to grant the boon he requested. "I
expected no less, signor, from your great magnificence," replied Don
Quixote; "know, therefore, that the boon I have demanded, and which your
liberality has conceded, is that on the morrow you will confer upon me
the honor of knighthood. This night I will watch my arms in the chapel
of your castle, in order that, in the morning, my earnest desire may be
fulfilled and I may with propriety traverse the four quarters of the
world in quest of adventures for the relief of the distressed,
conformable to the duties of chivalry and of knights-errant, who, like
myself, are devoted to such pursuits."
The host, who, as we have said, was a shrewd fellow, and had already
entertained some doubts respecting the wits of his guest, was now
confirmed in his suspicions; and to make sport for the night, determined
to follow his humor. He told him, therefore, that his desire was very
reasonable, and that such pursuits were natural and suitable to knights
so illustrious as he appeared to be, and as his gallant demeanor fully
testified; that he had himself in the days of his youth followed that
honorable profession, and travelled over various parts of the world in
search of adventures; failing not to visit the suburbs of Malaga, the
isles of Riaran, the compass of Seville, the market-place of Segovia,
the olive-field of Valencia, the rondilla of Grenada, the coast of St.
Lucar, the fountain of Cordova, the taverns of Toledo, and divers other
parts, where he had exercised the agility of his heels and the dexterity
of his hands; committing sundry wrongs, soliciting widows, seducing
damsels, cheating youths,--in short, making himself known to most of the
tribunals in Spain; and that, finally, he had retired to this castle,
where he lived upon his revenue and that of others, entertaining therein
all knights-errant of every quality and degree solely for the great
affection he bore them, and that they might share their fortune with him
in return for his good will. He further told him that in his castle
there was no chapel wherein he could watch his armor, for it had been
pulled down in order to be rebuilt; but that, in cases of necessity, he
knew it might be done wherever he pleased. Therefore, he might watch it
that night in a court of the castle, and the following morning, if it
pleased God, the requisite ceremonies should be performed, and he should
be dubbed so effectually that the world would not be able to produce a
more perfect knight. He then inquired if he had any money about him. Don
Quixote told him he had none, having never read in their histories that
knights-errant provided themselves with money. The innkeeper assured
him he was mistaken; for, admitting that it was not mentioned in their
history, the authors deeming it unnecessary to specify things so
obviously requisite as money and clean shirts, yet was it not therefore
to be inferred that they had none; but, on the contrary, he might
consider it as an established fact that all knights-errant, of whose
histories so many volumes are filled, carried their purses well provided
against accidents; that they were also supplied with shirts, and a small
casket of ointments to heal the wounds they might receive, for in plains
and deserts, where they fought and were wounded, no aid was near unless
they had some sage enchanter for their friend, who could give them
immediate assistance by conveying in cloud through the air some damsel
or dwarf, with a phial of water possessed of such virtue that, upon
tasting a single drop of it, they should instantly become as sound as if
they had received no injury. But when the knights of former times were
without such a friend, they always took care that their esquires should
be provided with money and such necessary articles as lint and salves;
and when they had no esquires--which very rarely happened--they carried
these things themselves upon the crupper of their horse, in wallets so
small as to be scarcely visible, that they might seem to be something of
more importance; for, except in such cases, the custom of carrying
wallets was not tolerated among knights-errant. He therefore advised,
though, as his godson (which he was soon to be), he might command him,
never henceforth to travel without money and the aforesaid provisions,
and he would find them serviceable when he least expected it. Don
Quixote promised to follow his advice with punctuality: and an order was
now given for performing the watch of the armor in a large yard
adjoining the inn. Don Quixote, having collected it together placed it
on a cistern which was close to a well; then, bracing on his target and
grasping his lance, with graceful demeanor he paced to and fro before
the pile, beginning his parade as soon as it was dark.
The innkeeper informed all who were in the inn of the frenzy of his
guest, the watching of his armor, and of the intended knighting.
The host repeated to him that there was no chapel in the castle, nor was
it by any means necessary for what remained to be done; that the stroke
of knighting consisted in blows on the neck and shoulders, according to
the ceremonial of the order, which might be effectually performed in the
middle of the field; that the duty of watching his armor he had now
completely fulfilled, for he had watched more than four hours, though
only two were required. All this Don Quixote believed, and said that he
was there ready to obey him, requesting him, at the same time, to
perform the deed as soon as possible; because, should he be assaulted
again when he found himself knighted, he was resolved not to leave one
person alive in the castle, excepting those whom, out of respect to him,
and at his particular request, he might be induced to spare. The
constable, thus warned and alarmed, immediately brought forth a book in
which he kept his account of the straw and oats he furnished to the
carriers, and attended by a boy, who carried an end of candle, and the
two damsels before mentioned, went towards Don Quixote, whom he
commanded to kneel down; he then began reading in his manual, as if it
were some devout prayer, in the course of which he raised his hand and
gave him a good blow on the neck, and, after that, a handsome stroke
over the shoulders, with his own sword, still muttering between his
teeth, as if in prayer. This being done, he commanded one of the ladies
to gird on his sword, an office she performed with much alacrity, as
well as discretion, no small portion of which was necessary to avoid
bursting with laughter at every part of the ceremony; but indeed the
prowess they had seen displayed by the new knight kept their mirth
within bounds.
At girding on the sword, the good lady said: "God grant you may be a
fortunate knight and successful in battle."
Don Quixote inquired her name, that he might thenceforward know to whom
he was indebted for the favor received, as it was his intention to
bestow upon her some share of the honor he should acquire by the valor
of his arm. She replied, with much humility, that her name was Tolosa,
and that she was the daughter of a cobbler at Toledo, who lived at the
stalls of Sanchobienaya; and that, wherever she was, she would serve and
honor him as her lord. Don Quixote, in reply, requested her, for his
sake, to do him the favor henceforth to add to her name the title of
don, and call herself Donna Tolosa, which she promised to do. The other
girl now buckled on his spur, and with her he held nearly the same
conference as with the lady of the sword; having inquired her name, she
told him it was Molinera, and that she was daughter to an honest miller
of Antiquera: he then requested her likewise to assume the don, and
style herself Donna Molinera, renewing his proffers of service and
thanks.
These never-till-then-seen ceremonies being thus speedily performed, Don
Quixote was impatient to find himself on horseback, in quest of
adventures. He therefore instantly saddled Rozinante, mounted him, and,
embracing his host, made his acknowledgments for the favor he had
conferred by knighting him, in terms so extraordinary, that it would be
in vain to attempt to repeat them. The host, in order to get rid of him
the sooner, replied, with no less flourish, but more brevity; and,
without making any demand for his lodging, wished him a good journey.
The tongue slow and the eyes quick.
Keep your mouth shut and your eyes open.
The brave man carves out his own fortune.
Very full of pain, yet soon as he was able to stir, he began to roll
himself on the ground, and to repeat, in what they affirm was said by
the wounded knight of the wood:--
"Where art thou, mistress of my heart,
Unconscious of thy lover's smart?
Ah me! thou know'st not my distress,
Or thou art false and pitiless."
"I know who I am," answered Don Quixote; "and I know, too, that I am not
only capable of being those I have mentioned, but all the twelve peers
of France, yea, and the nine worthies, since my exploits will far exceed
all that they have jointly or separately achieved."
DESTRUCTION OF DON QUIXOTE'S LIBRARY.
Long and heavy was the sleep of Don Quixote: meanwhile the priest having
asked the niece for the key of the chamber containing the books, those
authors of the mischief, which she delivered with a very good will, they
entered, attended by the housekeeper, and found above a hundred large