Baron Trump's Marvellous Underground Journey
his body, why, it was a very easy matter for a physician to take a look
at the organ of life, and tell almost to the hour when it would exhaust
itself—in other words, run down. Galaxa looked every inch a real queen
as she half-reclined upon her glorious crystal throne. She was clad in
long, flowing silk garments of a right royal purple, and the gems which
encircled her neck and wrists would have put to shame the crown jewels
of any monarch of the upper world. Her garb had very much the cut and
style of the ancient Greek costume, and the gold sandals worn by her
added to the resemblance; but the one thing that excited my wonder more
than all the others put together was her hair, so long, so fine and
silken was it, such a mass of it was there, and so dazzling white was
it—not the blue or yellow white that comes of age in our world, but a
milk white, a cotton white. And as we drew near, to Bulger’s but not to
my amazement, her hair began to quiver and rustle and rise, until it
buried her whole throne completely out of sight. Of course I knew that,
seated as she was upon a throne of glass, it was only necessary to send
a gentle current of electricity through her to make her wonderful head
of hair stand up in this manner, like the white and filmy tentacles of
some gigantic creature of the sea, half-plant, half-animal.
“Rise, little baron,” said Queen Galaxa, as I dropped upon my right knee
on the lowest step of the throne, “and be welcome to our kingdom. Whilst
thou may be pleased to tarry here, my people shall bestir themselves to
show thee all that may seem wonderful in thine eyes; for although our
wise men have often discussed to us of the upper world, yet art thou its
first inhabitant to visit us, and thy wonderful companion is right
welcome too. Can he talk, little baron?”
“Not exactly, Queen Galaxa,” said I with low obeisance, “yet he can
understand me and I him.”
“He is quite harmless, is he not?” asked the queen.
You may try to imagine how I felt, dear friends, when as I was about to
say, “Perfectly so, royal lady,” to my amazement I saw Bulger advance
and sniff at the Princess Crystallina and then draw back and show his
teeth as she stretched out her hand to caress him.
Bending over him I reproved him in a whisper, and bade him kneel before
the queen. This he proceeded to do, saluting her with three very stately
bows, at which everybody laughed heartily.
“I would have him come nearer,” said the queen, “so that I may lay my
hand upon him.”
At a sign from me Bulger began to lick his fore-paws very carefully, and
then having wiped them on the rug, sprang up the steps of the throne and
placed his front feet upon Queen Galaxa’s lap.
The fair ruler of the Mikkamenkies was delighted with this sample of
Bulger’s fine manners, and in order to amuse her still further I
proceeded to put Bulger through many of his quaint tricks and curious
feats, bidding him “say his prayers,” “feign death,” “weep for his
sweetheart,” “count ten,” “walk upright,” “go lame and cry to tell how
it hurts.”
Scarcely had he gone half around the circle, feigning lameness, when the
damozel Glow Stone began to weep herself, and stooping down commenced to
caress Bulger and to kiss his lame foot, caresses which, to my more than
surprise, Bulger was not slow in returning, and later too when I bade
him choose the maiden he loved best and kiss her hand, he bounded
straight toward Glow Stone and bestowed not one but twenty kisses upon
her outstretched hands, while the princess Crystallina shrank away in
fear and disgust from the “ugly beast,” as she termed him.
“Bid him bring my handkerchief to me, little baron,” cried Galaxa,
throwing it on the floor. I did as the queen commanded, but Bulger
refused to obey.
“Thou seest, Queen Galaxa,” said I with a low bow, “he refuses to lift
the handkerchief without a command from thy royal self,” which delicate
compliment pleased the lady mightily.
“How comes it, little baron,” she asked, “that thou shouldst be of noble
lineage and thy brother, as thou callest him, plain Bulger?”
“It comes, royal lady,” said I right humbly, “as it often comes in the
world which I inhabit, that honors go to them that least deserve them.”
“Well, then, little baron,” cried Galaxa gayly, “though I be but a petty
sovereign compared with thine, yet may small rulers do acts of great
justice. Bid thy four-footed brother kneel before us.”
At a word from me, Bulger prostrated himself on the steps of Galaxa’s
crystal throne, and laid his head at her very feet.
Leaning forward she touched him lightly with her golden wand, and
exclaimed, “Rise, Lord Bulger, rise! Queen Galaxa seated on her crystal
throne bids Lord Bulger rise!”
In an instant Bulger raised himself on his hind feet and laid his head
in the queen’s lap, while the whole room rang with loud huzzas, and
every lady gently clapped her frail and glass-like hands, save the
princess Crystallina who feigned to be asleep.
Queen Galaxa now undid a string of pearls from her neck and tied them
with her own hands around Lord Bulger’s—and so it was that my
four-footed brother ceased to be plain Bulger. Then turning to her
counsellors of state, Queen Galaxa bade them assign a royal apartment to
Lord Bulger and me, and gave strict orders that the severest punishment
be at once visited upon any Mikkamenky who should dare to laugh at us or
to make disrespectful remarks concerning our dark eyes and skins and
weather-beaten appearance, for, as the royal lady said to her people,
“Ye might look worse than they were ye compelled to live on the outside
instead of the inside of the world, exposed to biting blasts, piercing
cold, and clouds of suffocating dust.”
By the queen’s orders three of the wisest of the Mikkamenkies were
selected to attend Bulger and me, look after our wants, explain
everything to us—in a word, do all in their power to make our stay in
Goggle Land as pleasant as possible.
Their names, as nearly as I can translate them, were Doctor Nebulosus,
Sir Amber O’Pake, and Lord Cornucore. I should explain to you, dear
friends, the meaning of these names, for you might be inclined to think
that Doctor Somewhat Cloudy, Sir Clear-as-Amber; and Lord Heart-of-Horn
might indicate that they were more or less muddled in their intellects.
Far from it: I have already stated to you they were three of the very
wisest men in the Land of the Transparent Folk, and the lack of
clearness indicated by their names had reference solely to their eyes.
Now, as you know, the learned men of our upper world have a different
look from ordinary folk. They are stoop-shouldered, shaggy-eyebrowed,
long-haired, pursed-lipped, near-sighted, shambling-gaited. Well, the
only effect that long years of deep study had upon the Mikkamenkies was
to rob their beautiful crystal-like eyes of more or less of their
clearness.
Now I think you’ll understand why these three learned Mikkamenkies were
named as they were.
At any rate, they were, in spite of their strange names, three most
charming gentlemen; and no matter how many times I might ask the same
question over again, they were always ready with an answer quite as
polite as the one first given me. They did everything that I had a right
possibly to expect them to do. Indeed, there was but one single thing
which I would have fain had them do, and that was to let me look through
them.
This they most carefully avoided doing; and no matter how warmed up they
might become in their descriptions, and no matter how on the alert I was
to catch the coveted peep, the inevitable black fan was always in the
way.
Naturally, not only they, but all the Transparent Folk, felt a
repugnance to have a perfect stranger look through them, and I couldn’t
blame them for it either. I despaired of ever getting a chance of seeing
a human heart beating away for dear life, for all the world just like
the swing of a pendulum or the vibration of a balance wheel.
CHAPTER X
A BRIEF ACCOUNT OF MY CONVERSATIONS WITH DOCTOR NEBULOSUS, SIR AMBER
O’PAKE, AND LORD CORNUCORE, WHO TELL ME MANY THINGS THAT I NEVER
KNEW BEFORE, FOR WHICH I WAS VERY GRATEFUL.
Lord Bulger and I were more than pleased with our new friends, Doctor
Nebulosus, Sir Amber O’Pake, and Lord Cornucore, although so eager were
they to make us thoroughly comfortable, that they overdid the matter at
times, and left me scarcely a moment to myself in which to make an entry
in my notebook. They were extremely solicitous lest in my ignorance I
should set down something wrong about them.
“For,” said Sir Amber O’Pake, “now that thou hast found the way to this
under world of ours, little baron, I feel assured that we shall have a
number of visitors from thy people every year or so, and I have already
issued orders to have extra beds made as soon as the wood can be
quarried.”
Doctor Nebulosus gave me a very interesting account of the various
ailments which the Mikkamenkies suffer from. “All sickness among our
people, little baron,” said he, “is purely mental or emotional; that is,
of the mind or feelings. There is no such thing as bodily infirmity
among us. Wine and strong drink are unknown in our world, and the food
we eat is light and easily digested. We are never exposed to the danger
of breathing a dust-laden atmosphere, and while we are an active and
industrious people, yet we sleep a great deal; for, as our laws forbid
the use of lamps or torches, except for the use of those toiling in the
dark chambers, it is not possible for us to ruin our health by turning
night into day. We go to bed the very moment the River of Light ceases
to flow. The only ailment that ever gives me the least trouble is
_iburyufrosnia_.”
“Pray, what is the nature of that ailment?” I asked.
“It is an inclination to be too happy,” replied Doctor Nebulosus
gravely, “and I regret to say that several of our people attacked with
this ailment have shortened their lives by refusing to take my remedies.
It usually develops very slowly, beginning with an inclination to
giggle, which, after a while, is succeeded by violent fits of laughter.
“For instance, little baron, when thou camest among us, many of our
people were attacked with a violent form of _iburyufrosnia_; and
although Master Cold Soul, the Court Depressor, made great efforts to
check it, yet he was quite powerless to do so. It spread over the city
with remarkable rapidity. Without knowing why, our workmen at their
work, our children at their play, our people in doors and out, began to
laugh and to be dangerously happy. I made examinations of several of the
worst cases, and discovered that at the rate they were beating the
hearts of most of them would run down in a single week. It was terrible.
A council was hastily held, and it was determined to conceal thee and
Lord Bulger from the public view, but happily my skill got the upper
hand of the attack.”
“Didst increase the number of pills to be taken?” I asked.
“No, little baron,” said Doctor Nebulosus; “I increased their size and
covered them with a dry powder, which made them extremely difficult to
swallow, and in this way compelled those taking them to cease their
laughing. But there were a number of cases so violent that they could
not be cured in this way. These I ordered to be strapped in at the waist
with broad belts, and to have their mouths held pried open with wooden
wedges. As thou mayst understand, this made laughing so difficult that
they speedily gave it up altogether.
“Ah, little baron,” continued the wise doctor with a sigh, “that was a
sorry day for the human race when it learned how to laugh. It is my