Crime and Punishment
an hour before his death, that if he had to live on some high rock,
on such a narrow ledge that he’d only room to stand, and the ocean,
everlasting darkness, everlasting solitude, everlasting tempest around
him, if he had to remain standing on a square yard of space all his
life, a thousand years, eternity, it were better to live so than to die
at once! Only to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!...
How true it is! Good God, how true! Man is a vile creature!... And vile
is he who calls him vile for that,” he added a moment later.
He went into another street. “Bah, the Palais de Cristal! Razumihin
was just talking of the Palais de Cristal. But what on earth was it
I wanted? Yes, the newspapers.... Zossimov said he’d read it in the
papers. Have you the papers?” he asked, going into a very spacious and
positively clean restaurant, consisting of several rooms, which were,
however, rather empty. Two or three people were drinking tea, and in a
room further away were sitting four men drinking champagne. Raskolnikov
fancied that Zametov was one of them, but he could not be sure at that
distance. “What if it is?” he thought.
“Will you have vodka?” asked the waiter.
“Give me some tea and bring me the papers, the old ones for the last
five days, and I’ll give you something.”
“Yes, sir, here’s to-day’s. No vodka?”
The old newspapers and the tea were brought. Raskolnikov sat down and
began to look through them.
“Oh, damn... these are the items of intelligence. An accident on a
staircase, spontaneous combustion of a shopkeeper from alcohol, a fire
in Peski... a fire in the Petersburg quarter... another fire in the
Petersburg quarter... and another fire in the Petersburg quarter....
Ah, here it is!” He found at last what he was seeking and began to
read it. The lines danced before his eyes, but he read it all and began
eagerly seeking later additions in the following numbers. His hands
shook with nervous impatience as he turned the sheets. Suddenly someone
sat down beside him at his table. He looked up, it was the head clerk
Zametov, looking just the same, with the rings on his fingers and the
watch-chain, with the curly, black hair, parted and pomaded, with the
smart waistcoat, rather shabby coat and doubtful linen. He was in a good
humour, at least he was smiling very gaily and good-humouredly. His dark
face was rather flushed from the champagne he had drunk.
“What, you here?” he began in surprise, speaking as though he’d known
him all his life. “Why, Razumihin told me only yesterday you were
unconscious. How strange! And do you know I’ve been to see you?”
Raskolnikov knew he would come up to him. He laid aside the papers and
turned to Zametov. There was a smile on his lips, and a new shade of
irritable impatience was apparent in that smile.
“I know you have,” he answered. “I’ve heard it. You looked for my
sock.... And you know Razumihin has lost his heart to you? He says
you’ve been with him to Luise Ivanovna’s--you know, the woman you tried
to befriend, for whom you winked to the Explosive Lieutenant and he
would not understand. Do you remember? How could he fail to
understand--it was quite clear, wasn’t it?”
“What a hot head he is!”
“The explosive one?”
“No, your friend Razumihin.”
“You must have a jolly life, Mr. Zametov; entrance free to the most
agreeable places. Who’s been pouring champagne into you just now?”
“We’ve just been... having a drink together.... You talk about pouring
it into me!”
“By way of a fee! You profit by everything!” Raskolnikov laughed, “it’s
all right, my dear boy,” he added, slapping Zametov on the shoulder. “I
am not speaking from temper, but in a friendly way, for sport, as that
workman of yours said when he was scuffling with Dmitri, in the case of
the old woman....”
“How do you know about it?”
“Perhaps I know more about it than you do.”
“How strange you are.... I am sure you are still very unwell. You
oughtn’t to have come out.”
“Oh, do I seem strange to you?”
“Yes. What are you doing, reading the papers?”
“Yes.”
“There’s a lot about the fires.”
“No, I am not reading about the fires.” Here he looked mysteriously at
Zametov; his lips were twisted again in a mocking smile. “No, I am not
reading about the fires,” he went on, winking at Zametov. “But confess
now, my dear fellow, you’re awfully anxious to know what I am reading
about?”
“I am not in the least. Mayn’t I ask a question? Why do you keep
on...?”
“Listen, you are a man of culture and education?”
“I was in the sixth class at the gymnasium,” said Zametov with some
dignity.
“Sixth class! Ah, my cock-sparrow! With your parting and your rings--you
are a gentleman of fortune. Foo! what a charming boy!” Here Raskolnikov
broke into a nervous laugh right in Zametov’s face. The latter drew
back, more amazed than offended.
“Foo! how strange you are!” Zametov repeated very seriously. “I can’t
help thinking you are still delirious.”
“I am delirious? You are fibbing, my cock-sparrow! So I am strange? You
find me curious, do you?”
“Yes, curious.”
“Shall I tell you what I was reading about, what I was looking for? See
what a lot of papers I’ve made them bring me. Suspicious, eh?”
“Well, what is it?”
“You prick up your ears?”
“How do you mean--‘prick up my ears’?”
“I’ll explain that afterwards, but now, my boy, I declare to you... no,
better ‘I confess’... No, that’s not right either; ‘I make a deposition
and you take it.’ I depose that I was reading, that I was looking and
searching....” he screwed up his eyes and paused. “I was searching--and
came here on purpose to do it--for news of the murder of the old
pawnbroker woman,” he articulated at last, almost in a whisper, bringing
his face exceedingly close to the face of Zametov. Zametov looked at him
steadily, without moving or drawing his face away. What struck Zametov
afterwards as the strangest part of it all was that silence followed for
exactly a minute, and that they gazed at one another all the while.
“What if you have been reading about it?” he cried at last, perplexed
and impatient. “That’s no business of mine! What of it?”
“The same old woman,” Raskolnikov went on in the same whisper, not
heeding Zametov’s explanation, “about whom you were talking in the
police-office, you remember, when I fainted. Well, do you understand
now?”
“What do you mean? Understand... what?” Zametov brought out, almost
alarmed.
Raskolnikov’s set and earnest face was suddenly transformed, and he
suddenly went off into the same nervous laugh as before, as though
utterly unable to restrain himself. And in one flash he recalled with
extraordinary vividness of sensation a moment in the recent past, that
moment when he stood with the axe behind the door, while the latch
trembled and the men outside swore and shook it, and he had a sudden
desire to shout at them, to swear at them, to put out his tongue at
them, to mock them, to laugh, and laugh, and laugh!
“You are either mad, or...” began Zametov, and he broke off, as though
stunned by the idea that had suddenly flashed into his mind.
“Or? Or what? What? Come, tell me!”
“Nothing,” said Zametov, getting angry, “it’s all nonsense!”
Both were silent. After his sudden fit of laughter Raskolnikov became
suddenly thoughtful and melancholy. He put his elbow on the table and
leaned his head on his hand. He seemed to have completely forgotten
Zametov. The silence lasted for some time.
“Why don’t you drink your tea? It’s getting cold,” said Zametov.
“What! Tea? Oh, yes....” Raskolnikov sipped the glass, put a morsel of
bread in his mouth and, suddenly looking at Zametov, seemed to remember
everything and pulled himself together. At the same moment his face
resumed its original mocking expression. He went on drinking tea.
“There have been a great many of these crimes lately,” said Zametov.
“Only the other day I read in the _Moscow News_ that a whole gang of
false coiners had been caught in Moscow. It was a regular society. They
used to forge tickets!”
“Oh, but it was a long time ago! I read about it a month ago,”
Raskolnikov answered calmly. “So you consider them criminals?” he added,
smiling.
“Of course they are criminals.”
“They? They are children, simpletons, not criminals! Why, half a hundred
people meeting for such an object--what an idea! Three would be too
many, and then they want to have more faith in one another than in
themselves! One has only to blab in his cups and it all collapses.
Simpletons! They engaged untrustworthy people to change the notes--what
a thing to trust to a casual stranger! Well, let us suppose that these
simpletons succeed and each makes a million, and what follows for the
rest of their lives? Each is dependent on the others for the rest of his
life! Better hang oneself at once! And they did not know how to change
the notes either; the man who changed the notes took five thousand
roubles, and his hands trembled. He counted the first four thousand,
but did not count the fifth thousand--he was in such a hurry to get the
money into his pocket and run away. Of course he roused suspicion. And
the whole thing came to a crash through one fool! Is it possible?”
“That his hands trembled?” observed Zametov, “yes, that’s quite
possible. That, I feel quite sure, is possible. Sometimes one can’t
stand things.”
“Can’t stand that?”
“Why, could you stand it then? No, I couldn’t. For the sake of a hundred
roubles to face such a terrible experience? To go with false notes
into a bank where it’s their business to spot that sort of thing! No, I
should not have the face to do it. Would you?”
Raskolnikov had an intense desire again “to put his tongue out.” Shivers
kept running down his spine.
“I should do it quite differently,” Raskolnikov began. “This is how I
would change the notes: I’d count the first thousand three or four times
backwards and forwards, looking at every note and then I’d set to the
second thousand; I’d count that half-way through and then hold some
fifty-rouble note to the light, then turn it, then hold it to the light
again--to see whether it was a good one. ‘I am afraid,’ I would say, ‘a
relation of mine lost twenty-five roubles the other day through a
false note,’ and then I’d tell them the whole story. And after I began
counting the third, ‘No, excuse me,’ I would say, ‘I fancy I made a
mistake in the seventh hundred in that second thousand, I am not sure.’
And so I would give up the third thousand and go back to the second and
so on to the end. And when I had finished, I’d pick out one from the
fifth and one from the second thousand and take them again to the light
and ask again, ‘Change them, please,’ and put the clerk into such a stew
that he would not know how to get rid of me. When I’d finished and had
gone out, I’d come back, ‘No, excuse me,’ and ask for some explanation.
That’s how I’d do it.”
“Foo! what terrible things you say!” said Zametov, laughing. “But all
that is only talk. I dare say when it came to deeds you’d make a slip.
I believe that even a practised, desperate man cannot always reckon on
himself, much less you and I. To take an example near home--that old
woman murdered in our district. The murderer seems to have been a
desperate fellow, he risked everything in open daylight, was saved by
a miracle--but his hands shook, too. He did not succeed in robbing the
place, he couldn’t stand it. That was clear from the...”
Raskolnikov seemed offended.
“Clear? Why don’t you catch him then?” he cried, maliciously gibing at
Zametov.
“Well, they will catch him.”
“Who? You? Do you suppose you could catch him? You’ve a tough job! A
great point for you is whether a man is spending money or not. If he had
no money and suddenly begins spending, he must be the man. So that any