Crime and Punishment
child can mislead you.”
“The fact is they always do that, though,” answered Zametov. “A man will
commit a clever murder at the risk of his life and then at once he goes
drinking in a tavern. They are caught spending money, they are not all
as cunning as you are. You wouldn’t go to a tavern, of course?”
Raskolnikov frowned and looked steadily at Zametov.
“You seem to enjoy the subject and would like to know how I should
behave in that case, too?” he asked with displeasure.
“I should like to,” Zametov answered firmly and seriously. Somewhat too
much earnestness began to appear in his words and looks.
“Very much?”
“Very much!”
“All right then. This is how I should behave,” Raskolnikov began, again
bringing his face close to Zametov’s, again staring at him and speaking
in a whisper, so that the latter positively shuddered. “This is what
I should have done. I should have taken the money and jewels, I should
have walked out of there and have gone straight to some deserted place
with fences round it and scarcely anyone to be seen, some kitchen garden
or place of that sort. I should have looked out beforehand some stone
weighing a hundredweight or more which had been lying in the corner from
the time the house was built. I would lift that stone--there would sure
to be a hollow under it, and I would put the jewels and money in that
hole. Then I’d roll the stone back so that it would look as before,
would press it down with my foot and walk away. And for a year or two,
three maybe, I would not touch it. And, well, they could search! There’d
be no trace.”
“You are a madman,” said Zametov, and for some reason he too spoke in a
whisper, and moved away from Raskolnikov, whose eyes were glittering. He
had turned fearfully pale and his upper lip was twitching and quivering.
He bent down as close as possible to Zametov, and his lips began to move
without uttering a word. This lasted for half a minute; he knew what he
was doing, but could not restrain himself. The terrible word trembled on
his lips, like the latch on that door; in another moment it will break
out, in another moment he will let it go, he will speak out.
“And what if it was I who murdered the old woman and Lizaveta?” he said
suddenly and--realised what he had done.
Zametov looked wildly at him and turned white as the tablecloth. His
face wore a contorted smile.
“But is it possible?” he brought out faintly. Raskolnikov looked
wrathfully at him.
“Own up that you believed it, yes, you did?”
“Not a bit of it, I believe it less than ever now,” Zametov cried
hastily.
“I’ve caught my cock-sparrow! So you did believe it before, if now you
believe less than ever?”
“Not at all,” cried Zametov, obviously embarrassed. “Have you been
frightening me so as to lead up to this?”
“You don’t believe it then? What were you talking about behind my
back when I went out of the police-office? And why did the explosive
lieutenant question me after I fainted? Hey, there,” he shouted to the
waiter, getting up and taking his cap, “how much?”
“Thirty copecks,” the latter replied, running up.
“And there is twenty copecks for vodka. See what a lot of money!” he
held out his shaking hand to Zametov with notes in it. “Red notes and
blue, twenty-five roubles. Where did I get them? And where did my new
clothes come from? You know I had not a copeck. You’ve cross-examined my
landlady, I’ll be bound.... Well, that’s enough! _Assez causé!_ Till we
meet again!”
He went out, trembling all over from a sort of wild hysterical
sensation, in which there was an element of insufferable rapture. Yet he
was gloomy and terribly tired. His face was twisted as after a fit.
His fatigue increased rapidly. Any shock, any irritating sensation
stimulated and revived his energies at once, but his strength failed as
quickly when the stimulus was removed.
Zametov, left alone, sat for a long time in the same place, plunged in
thought. Raskolnikov had unwittingly worked a revolution in his brain on
a certain point and had made up his mind for him conclusively.
“Ilya Petrovitch is a blockhead,” he decided.
Raskolnikov had hardly opened the door of the restaurant when he
stumbled against Razumihin on the steps. They did not see each other
till they almost knocked against each other. For a moment they stood
looking each other up and down. Razumihin was greatly astounded, then
anger, real anger gleamed fiercely in his eyes.
“So here you are!” he shouted at the top of his voice--“you ran away
from your bed! And here I’ve been looking for you under the sofa! We
went up to the garret. I almost beat Nastasya on your account. And here
he is after all. Rodya! What is the meaning of it? Tell me the whole
truth! Confess! Do you hear?”
“It means that I’m sick to death of you all and I want to be alone,”
Raskolnikov answered calmly.
“Alone? When you are not able to walk, when your face is as white as a
sheet and you are gasping for breath! Idiot!... What have you been doing
in the Palais de Cristal? Own up at once!”
“Let me go!” said Raskolnikov and tried to pass him. This was too much
for Razumihin; he gripped him firmly by the shoulder.
“Let you go? You dare tell me to let you go? Do you know what I’ll do
with you directly? I’ll pick you up, tie you up in a bundle, carry you
home under my arm and lock you up!”
“Listen, Razumihin,” Raskolnikov began quietly, apparently calm--“can’t
you see that I don’t want your benevolence? A strange desire you have to
shower benefits on a man who... curses them, who feels them a burden in
fact! Why did you seek me out at the beginning of my illness? Maybe I
was very glad to die. Didn’t I tell you plainly enough to-day that
you were torturing me, that I was... sick of you! You seem to want to
torture people! I assure you that all that is seriously hindering my
recovery, because it’s continually irritating me. You saw Zossimov
went away just now to avoid irritating me. You leave me alone too, for
goodness’ sake! What right have you, indeed, to keep me by force? Don’t
you see that I am in possession of all my faculties now? How, how can
I persuade you not to persecute me with your kindness? I may be
ungrateful, I may be mean, only let me be, for God’s sake, let me be!
Let me be, let me be!”
He began calmly, gloating beforehand over the venomous phrases he was
about to utter, but finished, panting for breath, in a frenzy, as he had
been with Luzhin.
Razumihin stood a moment, thought and let his hand drop.
“Well, go to hell then,” he said gently and thoughtfully. “Stay,” he
roared, as Raskolnikov was about to move. “Listen to me. Let me tell
you, that you are all a set of babbling, posing idiots! If you’ve any
little trouble you brood over it like a hen over an egg. And you are
plagiarists even in that! There isn’t a sign of independent life in
you! You are made of spermaceti ointment and you’ve lymph in your veins
instead of blood. I don’t believe in anyone of you! In any circumstances
the first thing for all of you is to be unlike a human being! Stop!” he
cried with redoubled fury, noticing that Raskolnikov was again making
a movement--“hear me out! You know I’m having a house-warming this
evening, I dare say they’ve arrived by now, but I left my uncle there--I
just ran in--to receive the guests. And if you weren’t a fool, a common
fool, a perfect fool, if you were an original instead of a translation...
you see, Rodya, I recognise you’re a clever fellow, but you’re a
fool!--and if you weren’t a fool you’d come round to me this evening
instead of wearing out your boots in the street! Since you have gone
out, there’s no help for it! I’d give you a snug easy chair, my landlady
has one... a cup of tea, company.... Or you could lie on the sofa--any
way you would be with us.... Zossimov will be there too. Will you come?”
“No.”
“R-rubbish!” Razumihin shouted, out of patience. “How do you know?
You can’t answer for yourself! You don’t know anything about it....
Thousands of times I’ve fought tooth and nail with people and run back
to them afterwards.... One feels ashamed and goes back to a man! So
remember, Potchinkov’s house on the third storey....”
“Why, Mr. Razumihin, I do believe you’d let anybody beat you from sheer
benevolence.”
“Beat? Whom? Me? I’d twist his nose off at the mere idea! Potchinkov’s
house, 47, Babushkin’s flat....”
“I shall not come, Razumihin.” Raskolnikov turned and walked away.
“I bet you will,” Razumihin shouted after him. “I refuse to know you if
you don’t! Stay, hey, is Zametov in there?”
“Yes.”
“Did you see him?”
“Yes.”
“Talked to him?”
“Yes.”
“What about? Confound you, don’t tell me then. Potchinkov’s house, 47,
Babushkin’s flat, remember!”
Raskolnikov walked on and turned the corner into Sadovy Street.
Razumihin looked after him thoughtfully. Then with a wave of his hand he
went into the house but stopped short of the stairs.
“Confound it,” he went on almost aloud. “He talked sensibly but yet...
I am a fool! As if madmen didn’t talk sensibly! And this was just what
Zossimov seemed afraid of.” He struck his finger on his forehead. “What
if... how could I let him go off alone? He may drown himself.... Ach,
what a blunder! I can’t.” And he ran back to overtake Raskolnikov, but
there was no trace of him. With a curse he returned with rapid steps to
the Palais de Cristal to question Zametov.
Raskolnikov walked straight to X---- Bridge, stood in the middle, and
leaning both elbows on the rail stared into the distance. On parting
with Razumihin, he felt so much weaker that he could scarcely reach this
place. He longed to sit or lie down somewhere in the street. Bending
over the water, he gazed mechanically at the last pink flush of the
sunset, at the row of houses growing dark in the gathering twilight, at
one distant attic window on the left bank, flashing as though on fire in
the last rays of the setting sun, at the darkening water of the canal,
and the water seemed to catch his attention. At last red circles flashed
before his eyes, the houses seemed moving, the passers-by, the canal
banks, the carriages, all danced before his eyes. Suddenly he started,
saved again perhaps from swooning by an uncanny and hideous sight. He
became aware of someone standing on the right side of him; he looked
and saw a tall woman with a kerchief on her head, with a long, yellow,
wasted face and red sunken eyes. She was looking straight at him, but
obviously she saw nothing and recognised no one. Suddenly she leaned her
right hand on the parapet, lifted her right leg over the railing, then
her left and threw herself into the canal. The filthy water parted and
swallowed up its victim for a moment, but an instant later the drowning
woman floated to the surface, moving slowly with the current, her head
and legs in the water, her skirt inflated like a balloon over her back.
“A woman drowning! A woman drowning!” shouted dozens of voices; people
ran up, both banks were thronged with spectators, on the bridge people
crowded about Raskolnikov, pressing up behind him.
“Mercy on it! it’s our Afrosinya!” a woman cried tearfully close by.
“Mercy! save her! kind people, pull her out!”
“A boat, a boat!” was shouted in the crowd. But there was no need of a
boat; a policeman ran down the steps to the canal, threw off his great
coat and his boots and rushed into the water. It was easy to reach her:
she floated within a couple of yards from the steps, he caught hold of
her clothes with his right hand and with his left seized a pole which a
comrade held out to him; the drowning woman was pulled out at once. They
laid her on the granite pavement of the embankment. She soon recovered
consciousness, raised her head, sat up and began sneezing and coughing,