Crime and Punishment
Everyone was crowding round Luzhin with threats and shouts of abuse.
But Pyotr Petrovitch was not intimidated. Seeing that his accusation of
Sonia had completely failed, he had recourse to insolence:
“Allow me, gentlemen, allow me! Don’t squeeze, let me pass!” he said,
making his way through the crowd. “And no threats, if you please! I
assure you it will be useless, you will gain nothing by it. On the
contrary, you’ll have to answer, gentlemen, for violently obstructing
the course of justice. The thief has been more than unmasked, and I
shall prosecute. Our judges are not so blind and... not so drunk, and
will not believe the testimony of two notorious infidels, agitators, and
atheists, who accuse me from motives of personal revenge which they are
foolish enough to admit.... Yes, allow me to pass!”
“Don’t let me find a trace of you in my room! Kindly leave at once, and
everything is at an end between us! When I think of the trouble I’ve
been taking, the way I’ve been expounding... all this fortnight!”
“I told you myself to-day that I was going, when you tried to keep me;
now I will simply add that you are a fool. I advise you to see a doctor
for your brains and your short sight. Let me pass, gentlemen!”
He forced his way through. But the commissariat clerk was unwilling to
let him off so easily: he picked up a glass from the table, brandished
it in the air and flung it at Pyotr Petrovitch; but the glass flew
straight at Amalia Ivanovna. She screamed, and the clerk, overbalancing,
fell heavily under the table. Pyotr Petrovitch made his way to his room
and half an hour later had left the house. Sonia, timid by nature, had
felt before that day that she could be ill-treated more easily than
anyone, and that she could be wronged with impunity. Yet till that
moment she had fancied that she might escape misfortune by care,
gentleness and submissiveness before everyone. Her disappointment was
too great. She could, of course, bear with patience and almost without
murmur anything, even this. But for the first minute she felt it too
bitter. In spite of her triumph and her justification--when her first
terror and stupefaction had passed and she could understand it all
clearly--the feeling of her helplessness and of the wrong done to her
made her heart throb with anguish and she was overcome with hysterical
weeping. At last, unable to bear any more, she rushed out of the room
and ran home, almost immediately after Luzhin’s departure. When amidst
loud laughter the glass flew at Amalia Ivanovna, it was more than the
landlady could endure. With a shriek she rushed like a fury at Katerina
Ivanovna, considering her to blame for everything.
“Out of my lodgings! At once! Quick march!”
And with these words she began snatching up everything she could lay
her hands on that belonged to Katerina Ivanovna, and throwing it on the
floor. Katerina Ivanovna, pale, almost fainting, and gasping for breath,
jumped up from the bed where she had sunk in exhaustion and darted at
Amalia Ivanovna. But the battle was too unequal: the landlady waved her
away like a feather.
“What! As though that godless calumny was not enough--this vile creature
attacks me! What! On the day of my husband’s funeral I am turned out of
my lodging! After eating my bread and salt she turns me into the street,
with my orphans! Where am I to go?” wailed the poor woman, sobbing and
gasping. “Good God!” she cried with flashing eyes, “is there no justice
upon earth? Whom should you protect if not us orphans? We shall see!
There is law and justice on earth, there is, I will find it! Wait a bit,
godless creature! Polenka, stay with the children, I’ll come back. Wait
for me, if you have to wait in the street. We will see whether there is
justice on earth!”
And throwing over her head that green shawl which Marmeladov had
mentioned to Raskolnikov, Katerina Ivanovna squeezed her way through the
disorderly and drunken crowd of lodgers who still filled the room, and,
wailing and tearful, she ran into the street--with a vague intention
of going at once somewhere to find justice. Polenka with the two little
ones in her arms crouched, terrified, on the trunk in the corner of the
room, where she waited trembling for her mother to come back. Amalia
Ivanovna raged about the room, shrieking, lamenting and throwing
everything she came across on the floor. The lodgers talked
incoherently, some commented to the best of their ability on what had
happened, others quarrelled and swore at one another, while others
struck up a song....
“Now it’s time for me to go,” thought Raskolnikov. “Well, Sofya
Semyonovna, we shall see what you’ll say now!”
And he set off in the direction of Sonia’s lodgings.
CHAPTER IV
Raskolnikov had been a vigorous and active champion of Sonia against
Luzhin, although he had such a load of horror and anguish in his own
heart. But having gone through so much in the morning, he found a sort
of relief in a change of sensations, apart from the strong personal
feeling which impelled him to defend Sonia. He was agitated too,
especially at some moments, by the thought of his approaching interview
with Sonia: he _had_ to tell her who had killed Lizaveta. He knew the
terrible suffering it would be to him and, as it were, brushed away the
thought of it. So when he cried as he left Katerina Ivanovna’s, “Well,
Sofya Semyonovna, we shall see what you’ll say now!” he was still
superficially excited, still vigorous and defiant from his triumph over
Luzhin. But, strange to say, by the time he reached Sonia’s lodging, he
felt a sudden impotence and fear. He stood still in hesitation at the
door, asking himself the strange question: “Must he tell her who killed
Lizaveta?” It was a strange question because he felt at the very time
not only that he could not help telling her, but also that he could
not put off the telling. He did not yet know why it must be so, he
only _felt_ it, and the agonising sense of his impotence before
the inevitable almost crushed him. To cut short his hesitation and
suffering, he quickly opened the door and looked at Sonia from the
doorway. She was sitting with her elbows on the table and her face in
her hands, but seeing Raskolnikov she got up at once and came to meet
him as though she were expecting him.
“What would have become of me but for you?” she said quickly, meeting
him in the middle of the room.
Evidently she was in haste to say this to him. It was what she had been
waiting for.
Raskolnikov went to the table and sat down on the chair from which she
had only just risen. She stood facing him, two steps away, just as she
had done the day before.
“Well, Sonia?” he said, and felt that his voice was trembling, “it was
all due to ‘your social position and the habits associated with it.’ Did
you understand that just now?”
Her face showed her distress.
“Only don’t talk to me as you did yesterday,” she interrupted him.
“Please don’t begin it. There is misery enough without that.”
She made haste to smile, afraid that he might not like the reproach.
“I was silly to come away from there. What is happening there now? I
wanted to go back directly, but I kept thinking that... you would come.”
He told her that Amalia Ivanovna was turning them out of their lodging
and that Katerina Ivanovna had run off somewhere “to seek justice.”
“My God!” cried Sonia, “let’s go at once....”
And she snatched up her cape.
“It’s everlastingly the same thing!” said Raskolnikov, irritably.
“You’ve no thought except for them! Stay a little with me.”
“But... Katerina Ivanovna?”
“You won’t lose Katerina Ivanovna, you may be sure, she’ll come to you
herself since she has run out,” he added peevishly. “If she doesn’t find
you here, you’ll be blamed for it....”
Sonia sat down in painful suspense. Raskolnikov was silent, gazing at
the floor and deliberating.
“This time Luzhin did not want to prosecute you,” he began, not looking
at Sonia, “but if he had wanted to, if it had suited his plans, he would
have sent you to prison if it had not been for Lebeziatnikov and me.
Ah?”
“Yes,” she assented in a faint voice. “Yes,” she repeated, preoccupied
and distressed.
“But I might easily not have been there. And it was quite an accident
Lebeziatnikov’s turning up.”
Sonia was silent.
“And if you’d gone to prison, what then? Do you remember what I said
yesterday?”
Again she did not answer. He waited.
“I thought you would cry out again ‘don’t speak of it, leave off.’”
Raskolnikov gave a laugh, but rather a forced one. “What, silence
again?” he asked a minute later. “We must talk about something, you
know. It would be interesting for me to know how you would decide a
certain ‘problem’ as Lebeziatnikov would say.” (He was beginning to lose
the thread.) “No, really, I am serious. Imagine, Sonia, that you had
known all Luzhin’s intentions beforehand. Known, that is, for a fact,
that they would be the ruin of Katerina Ivanovna and the children and
yourself thrown in--since you don’t count yourself for anything--Polenka
too... for she’ll go the same way. Well, if suddenly it all depended on
your decision whether he or they should go on living, that is whether
Luzhin should go on living and doing wicked things, or Katerina Ivanovna
should die? How would you decide which of them was to die? I ask you?”
Sonia looked uneasily at him. There was something peculiar in this
hesitating question, which seemed approaching something in a roundabout
way.
“I felt that you were going to ask some question like that,” she said,
looking inquisitively at him.
“I dare say you did. But how is it to be answered?”
“Why do you ask about what could not happen?” said Sonia reluctantly.
“Then it would be better for Luzhin to go on living and doing wicked
things? You haven’t dared to decide even that!”
“But I can’t know the Divine Providence.... And why do you ask what
can’t be answered? What’s the use of such foolish questions? How could
it happen that it should depend on my decision--who has made me a judge
to decide who is to live and who is not to live?”
“Oh, if the Divine Providence is to be mixed up in it, there is no doing
anything,” Raskolnikov grumbled morosely.
“You’d better say straight out what you want!” Sonia cried in distress.
“You are leading up to something again.... Can you have come simply to
torture me?”
She could not control herself and began crying bitterly. He looked at
her in gloomy misery. Five minutes passed.
“Of course you’re right, Sonia,” he said softly at last. He was suddenly
changed. His tone of assumed arrogance and helpless defiance was gone.
Even his voice was suddenly weak. “I told you yesterday that I was not
coming to ask forgiveness and almost the first thing I’ve said is to ask
forgiveness.... I said that about Luzhin and Providence for my own sake.
I was asking forgiveness, Sonia....”
He tried to smile, but there was something helpless and incomplete in
his pale smile. He bowed his head and hid his face in his hands.
And suddenly a strange, surprising sensation of a sort of bitter hatred
for Sonia passed through his heart. As it were wondering and frightened
of this sensation, he raised his head and looked intently at her; but he
met her uneasy and painfully anxious eyes fixed on him; there was
love in them; his hatred vanished like a phantom. It was not the real
feeling; he had taken the one feeling for the other. It only meant that
_that_ minute had come.
He hid his face in his hands again and bowed his head. Suddenly he
turned pale, got up from his chair, looked at Sonia, and without
uttering a word sat down mechanically on her bed.
His sensations that moment were terribly like the moment when he had
stood over the old woman with the axe in his hand and felt that “he must