L. Annaeus Seneca on Benefits
which his vanity aspired was indeed opening before him when he was made
equal to Hercules. In what indeed did that frantic youth, whose only
merit was his lucky audacity, resemble Hercules? Hercules conquered
nothing for himself; he travelled throughout the world, not coveting for
himself but liberating the countries which he conquered, an enemy to bad
men, a defender of the good, a peacemaker both by sea and land; whereas
the other was from his boyhood a brigand and desolator of nations, a
pest to his friends and enemies alike, whose greatest joy was to be the
terror of all mankind, forgetting that men fear not only the fiercest
but also the most cowardly animals, because of their evil and venomous
nature.
XIV. Let us now return to our subject. He who bestows a benefit without
discrimination, gives what pleases no one; no one considers himself to
be under any obligation to the landlord of a tavern, or to be the guest
of any one with whom he dines in such company as to be able to say,
"What civility has he shown to me? no more than he has shown to that
man, whom he scarcely knows, or to that other, who is both his personal
enemy and a man of infamous character. Do you suppose that he wished to
do me any honour? not so, he merely wished to indulge his own vice of
profusion." If you wish men to be grateful for anything, give it but
seldom; no one can bear to receive what you give to all the world.
Yet let no one gather from this that I wish to impose any bonds upon
generosity; let her go to what lengths she will, so that she go a steady
course, not at random. It is possible to bestow gifts in such a manner
that each of those who receive them, although he shares them with many
others, may yet feel himself to be distinguished from the common herd.
Let each man have some peculiarity about his gift which may make him
consider himself more highly favoured than the rest. He may say, "I
received the same present that he did, but I never asked for it." "I
received the same present, but mine was given me after a few days,
whereas he had earned it by long service." "Others have the same
present, but it was not given to them with the same courtesy and
gracious words with which it was given to me." "That man got it because
he asked for it; I did not ask." "That man received it as well as I, but
then he could easily return it; one has great expectations from a rich
man, old and childless, as he is; whereas in giving the same present to
me he really gave more, because he gave it without the hope of receiving
any return for it." Just as a courtesan divides her favours among
many men, so that no one of her friends is without some proof of her
affection, so let him who wishes his benefits to be prized consider how
he may at the same time gratify many men, and nevertheless give each one
of them some especial mark of favour to distinguish him from the rest.
XV. I am no advocate of slackness in giving benefits: the more and the
greater they are, the more praise they will bring to the giver. Yet
let them be given with discretion; for what is given carelessly and
recklessly can please no one. Whoever, therefore, supposes that in
giving this advice I wish to restrict benevolence and to confine it to
narrower limits, entirely mistakes the object of my warning. What virtue
do we admire more than benevolence? Which do we encourage more? Who
ought to applaud it more than we Stoics, who preach the brotherhood of
the human race? What then is it? Since no impulse of the human mind can
be approved of, even though it springs from a right feeling, unless it
be made into a virtue by discretion, I forbid generosity to degenerate
into extravagance. It is, indeed, pleasant to receive a benefit with
open arms, when reason bestows it upon the worthy, not when it is flung
hither or thither thoughtlessly and at random; this alone we care to
display and claim as our own. Can you call anything a benefit, if
you feel ashamed to mention the person who gave it you? How far more
grateful is a benefit, how far more deeply does it impress itself upon
the mind, never to be forgotten, when we rejoice to think not so much of
what it is, as from whom we have received it! Crispus Passienus was wont
to say that some men's advice was to be preferred to their presents,
some men's presents to their advice; and he added as an example, "I
would rather have received advice from Augustus than a present; I would
rather receive a present from Claudius than advice." I, however, think
that one ought not to wish for a benefit from any man whose judgement
is worthless. What then? Ought we not to receive what Claudius gives? We
ought; but we ought to regard it as obtained from fortune, which may at
any moment turn against us. Why do we separate this which naturally is
connected? That is not a benefit, to which the best part of a benefit,
that it be bestowed with judgment, is wanting: a really great sum of
money, if it be given neither with discernment nor with good will, is
no more a benefit than if it remained hoarded. There are, however,
many things which we ought not to reject, yet for which we cannot feel
indebted.
BOOK II.
I.
Let us consider, most excellent Liberalis, what still remains of the
earlier part of the subject; in what way a benefit should be bestowed. I
think that I can point out the shortest way to this; let us give in the
way in which we ourselves should like to receive. Above all we should
give willingly, quickly, and without any hesitation; a benefit commands
no gratitude if it has hung for a long time in the hands of the giver,
if he seems unwilling to part with it, and gives it as though he were
being robbed of it. Even though some delay should intervene, let us
by all means in our power strive not to seem to have been in two minds
about giving it at all. To hesitate is the next thing to refusing to
give, and destroys all claim to gratitude. For just as the sweetest part
of a benefit is the kindly feeling of the giver, it follows that one who
has by his very delay proved that he gives unwillingly, must be regarded
not as having given anything, but as having been unable to keep it from
an importunate suitor. Indeed, many men are made generous by want of
firmness. The most acceptable benefits are those which are waiting for
us to take them, which are easy to be received, and offer themselves to
us, so that the only delay is caused by the modesty of the receiver.
The best thing of all is to anticipate a person's wishes; the next, to
follow them; the former is the better course, to be beforehand with our
friends by giving them what they want before they ask us for it, for the
value of a gift is much enhanced by sparing an honest man the misery of
asking for it with confusion and blushes. He who gets what he asked
for does not get it for nothing, for indeed, as our austere ancestors
thought, nothing is so dear as that which is bought by prayers. Men
would be much more modest in their petitions to heaven, if these had to
be made publicly; so that even when addressing the gods, before whom
we can with all honour bend our knees, we prefer to pray silently and
within ourselves.
II. It is unpleasant, burdensome, and covers one with shame to have to
say, "Give me." You should spare your friends, and those whom you wish
to make your friends, from having to do this; however quick he may be,
a man gives too late who gives what he has been asked for. We ought,
therefore, to divine every man's wishes, and when we have discovered
them, to set him free from the hard necessity of asking; you may be sure
that a benefit which comes unasked will be delightful and will not be
forgotten. If we do not succeed in anticipating our friends, let us at
any rate cut them short when they ask us for anything, so that we may
appear to be reminded of what we meant to do, rather than to have been
asked to do it. Let us assent at once, and by our promptness make it
appear that we meant to do so even before we were solicited. As in
dealing with sick persons much depends upon when food is given, and
plain water given at the right moment sometimes acts as a remedy, so
a benefit, however slight and commonplace it may be, if it be promptly
given without losing a moment of time, gains enormously in importance,
and wins our gratitude more than a far more valuable present given after
long waiting and deliberation. One who gives so readily must needs give
with good will; he therefore gives cheerfully and shows his disposition
in his countenance.
III. Many who bestow immense benefits spoil them by their silence or
slowness of speech, which gives them an air of moroseness, as they say
"yes" with a face which seems to say "no." How much better is it to join
kind words to kind actions, and to enhance the value of our gifts by a
civil and gracious commendation of them! To cure your friend of being
slow to ask a favour of you, you may join to your gift the familiar
rebuke, "I am angry with you for not having long ago let me know what
you wanted, for having asked for it so formally, or for having made
interest with a third party." "I congratulate myself that you have been
pleased to make trial of me; hereafter, if you want anything, ask for it
as your right; however, for this time I pardon your want of manners."
By so doing you will cause him to value your friendship more highly
than that, whatever it may have been, which he came to ask of you. The
goodness and kindness of a benefactor never appears so great as when on
leaving him one says, "I have to-day gained much; I am more pleased at
finding him so kind than if I had obtained many times more of this, of
which I was speaking, by some other means; I never can make any adequate
return to this man for his goodness."
IV. Many, however, there are who, by harsh words and contemptuous
manner, make their very kindnesses odious, for by speaking and acting
disdainfully they make us sorry that they have granted our requests.
Various delays also take place after we have obtained a promise; and
nothing is more heartbreaking than to be forced to beg for the very
thing which you already have been promised. Benefits ought to be
bestowed at once, but from some persons it is easier to obtain the
promise of them than to get them. One man has to be asked to remind our
benefactor of his purpose; another, to bring it into effect; and thus a
single present is worn away in passing through many hands, until hardly
any gratitude is left for the original promiser, since whoever we are
forced to solicit after the giving of the promise receives some of the
gratitude which we owe to the giver. Take care, therefore, if you
wish your gifts to be esteemed, that they reach those to whom they are
promised entire, and, as the saying is, without any deduction. Let no
one intercept them or delay them; for no one can take any share of the
gratitude due for your gifts without robbing you of it.
V. Nothing is more bitter than long uncertainty; some can bear to have
their hopes extinguished better than to have them deferred. Yet many
men are led by an unworthy vanity into this fault of putting off the
accomplishment of their promises, merely in order to swell the crowd of
their suitors, like the ministers of royalty, who delight in prolonging
the display of their own arrogance, hardly thinking themselves possessed
of power unless they let each man see for a long time how powerful they
are. They do nothing promptly, or at one sitting; they are indeed swift
to do mischief, but slow to do good. Be sure that the comic poet speaks
the most absolute truth in the verses:--
"Know you not this? If you your gifts delay,
You take thereby my gratitude away."
And the following lines, the expression of virtuous pain--a
high-spirited man's misery,--