Lord Jim
under my eyes. The demeanour of one suggested gloomy impudence and of
the other a contemptuous boredom; yet one attitude might not have been
truer than the other, and I was aware that one was not true. Brierly was
not bored--he was exasperated; and if so, then Jim might not have been
impudent. According to my theory he was not. I imagined he was hopeless.
Then it was that our glances met. They met, and the look he gave me was
discouraging of any intention I might have had to speak to him. Upon
either hypothesis--insolence or despair--I felt I could be of no use to
him. This was the second day of the proceedings. Very soon after that
exchange of glances the inquiry was adjourned again to the next day. The
white men began to troop out at once. Jim had been told to stand down
some time before, and was able to leave amongst the first. I saw his
broad shoulders and his head outlined in the light of the door, and
while I made my way slowly out talking with some one--some stranger who
had addressed me casually--I could see him from within the court-room
resting both elbows on the balustrade of the verandah and turning his
back on the small stream of people trickling down the few steps. There
was a murmur of voices and a shuffle of boots.
‘The next case was that of assault and battery committed upon a
money-lender, I believe; and the defendant--a venerable villager with a
straight white beard--sat on a mat just outside the door with his sons,
daughters, sons-in-law, their wives, and, I should think, half the
population of his village besides, squatting or standing around him. A
slim dark woman, with part of her back and one black shoulder bared,
and with a thin gold ring in her nose, suddenly began to talk in a
high-pitched, shrewish tone. The man with me instinctively looked up
at her. We were then just through the door, passing behind Jim’s burly
back.
‘Whether those villagers had brought the yellow dog with them, I don’t
know. Anyhow, a dog was there, weaving himself in and out amongst
people’s legs in that mute stealthy way native dogs have, and my
companion stumbled over him. The dog leaped away without a sound; the
man, raising his voice a little, said with a slow laugh, “Look at that
wretched cur,” and directly afterwards we became separated by a lot of
people pushing in. I stood back for a moment against the wall while the
stranger managed to get down the steps and disappeared. I saw Jim spin
round. He made a step forward and barred my way. We were alone; he
glared at me with an air of stubborn resolution. I became aware I was
being held up, so to speak, as if in a wood. The verandah was empty by
then, the noise and movement in court had ceased: a great silence fell
upon the building, in which, somewhere far within, an oriental voice
began to whine abjectly. The dog, in the very act of trying to sneak in
at the door, sat down hurriedly to hunt for fleas.
‘“Did you speak to me?” asked Jim very low, and bending forward, not so
much towards me but at me, if you know what I mean. I said “No” at once.
Something in the sound of that quiet tone of his warned me to be on my
defence. I watched him. It was very much like a meeting in a wood, only
more uncertain in its issue, since he could possibly want neither my
money nor my life--nothing that I could simply give up or defend with
a clear conscience. “You say you didn’t,” he said, very sombre. “But I
heard.” “Some mistake,” I protested, utterly at a loss, and never taking
my eyes off him. To watch his face was like watching a darkening sky
before a clap of thunder, shade upon shade imperceptibly coming on, the
doom growing mysteriously intense in the calm of maturing violence.
‘“As far as I know, I haven’t opened my lips in your hearing,” I
affirmed with perfect truth. I was getting a little angry, too, at the
absurdity of this encounter. It strikes me now I have never in my life
been so near a beating--I mean it literally; a beating with fists. I
suppose I had some hazy prescience of that eventuality being in the
air. Not that he was actively threatening me. On the contrary, he was
strangely passive--don’t you know? but he was lowering, and, though not
exceptionally big, he looked generally fit to demolish a wall. The
most reassuring symptom I noticed was a kind of slow and ponderous
hesitation, which I took as a tribute to the evident sincerity of my
manner and of my tone. We faced each other. In the court the assault
case was proceeding. I caught the words: “Well--buffalo--stick--in the
greatness of my fear. . . .”
‘“What did you mean by staring at me all the morning?” said Jim at last.
He looked up and looked down again. “Did you expect us all to sit with
downcast eyes out of regard for your susceptibilities?” I retorted
sharply. I was not going to submit meekly to any of his nonsense. He
raised his eyes again, and this time continued to look me straight
in the face. “No. That’s all right,” he pronounced with an air of
deliberating with himself upon the truth of this statement--“that’s all
right. I am going through with that. Only”--and there he spoke a little
faster--“I won’t let any man call me names outside this court. There was
a fellow with you. You spoke to him--oh yes--I know; ‘tis all very fine.
You spoke to him, but you meant me to hear. . . .”
‘I assured him he was under some extraordinary delusion. I had no
conception how it came about. “You thought I would be afraid to resent
this,” he said, with just a faint tinge of bitterness. I was interested
enough to discern the slightest shades of expression, but I was not in
the least enlightened; yet I don’t know what in these words, or perhaps
just the intonation of that phrase, induced me suddenly to make all
possible allowances for him. I ceased to be annoyed at my unexpected
predicament. It was some mistake on his part; he was blundering, and I
had an intuition that the blunder was of an odious, of an unfortunate
nature. I was anxious to end this scene on grounds of decency, just as
one is anxious to cut short some unprovoked and abominable confidence.
The funniest part was, that in the midst of all these considerations
of the higher order I was conscious of a certain trepidation as to
the possibility--nay, likelihood--of this encounter ending in some
disreputable brawl which could not possibly be explained, and would make
me ridiculous. I did not hanker after a three days’ celebrity as the man
who got a black eye or something of the sort from the mate of the Patna.
He, in all probability, did not care what he did, or at any rate would
be fully justified in his own eyes. It took no magician to see he was
amazingly angry about something, for all his quiet and even torpid
demeanour. I don’t deny I was extremely desirous to pacify him at all
costs, had I only known what to do. But I didn’t know, as you may well
imagine. It was a blackness without a single gleam. We confronted each
other in silence. He hung fire for about fifteen seconds, then made a
step nearer, and I made ready to ward off a blow, though I don’t think I
moved a muscle. “If you were as big as two men and as strong as six,”
he said very softly, “I would tell you what I think of you. You . . .”
“Stop!” I exclaimed. This checked him for a second. “Before you tell me
what you think of me,” I went on quickly, “will you kindly tell me what
it is I’ve said or done?” During the pause that ensued he surveyed me
with indignation, while I made supernatural efforts of memory, in which
I was hindered by the oriental voice within the court-room expostulating
with impassioned volubility against a charge of falsehood. Then we spoke
almost together. “I will soon show you I am not,” he said, in a tone
suggestive of a crisis. “I declare I don’t know,” I protested earnestly
at the same time. He tried to crush me by the scorn of his glance.
“Now that you see I am not afraid you try to crawl out of it,” he said.
“Who’s a cur now--hey?” Then, at last, I understood.
‘He had been scanning my features as though looking for a place where
he would plant his fist. “I will allow no man,” . . . he mumbled
threateningly. It was, indeed, a hideous mistake; he had given himself
away utterly. I can’t give you an idea how shocked I was. I suppose he
saw some reflection of my feelings in my face, because his expression
changed just a little. “Good God!” I stammered, “you don’t think
I . . .” “But I am sure I’ve heard,” he persisted, raising his voice for
the first time since the beginning of this deplorable scene. Then with a
shade of disdain he added, “It wasn’t you, then? Very well; I’ll find
the other.” “Don’t be a fool,” I cried in exasperation; “it wasn’t that
at all.” “I’ve heard,” he said again with an unshaken and sombre
perseverance.
‘There may be those who could have laughed at his pertinacity; I didn’t.
Oh, I didn’t! There had never been a man so mercilessly shown up by
his own natural impulse. A single word had stripped him of his
discretion--of that discretion which is more necessary to the decencies
of our inner being than clothing is to the decorum of our body. “Don’t
be a fool,” I repeated. “But the other man said it, you don’t deny
that?” he pronounced distinctly, and looking in my face without
flinching. “No, I don’t deny,” said I, returning his gaze. At last his
eyes followed downwards the direction of my pointing finger. He appeared
at first uncomprehending, then confounded, and at last amazed and scared
as though a dog had been a monster and he had never seen a dog before.
“Nobody dreamt of insulting you,” I said.
‘He contemplated the wretched animal, that moved no more than an effigy:
it sat with ears pricked and its sharp muzzle pointed into the doorway,
and suddenly snapped at a fly like a piece of mechanism.
‘I looked at him. The red of his fair sunburnt complexion deepened
suddenly under the down of his cheeks, invaded his forehead, spread to
the roots of his curly hair. His ears became intensely crimson, and even
the clear blue of his eyes was darkened many shades by the rush of blood
to his head. His lips pouted a little, trembling as though he had been
on the point of bursting into tears. I perceived he was incapable
of pronouncing a word from the excess of his humiliation. From
disappointment too--who knows? Perhaps he looked forward to that
hammering he was going to give me for rehabilitation, for appeasement?
Who can tell what relief he expected from this chance of a row? He
was naive enough to expect anything; but he had given himself away for
nothing in this case. He had been frank with himself--let alone
with me--in the wild hope of arriving in that way at some effective
refutation, and the stars had been ironically unpropitious. He made an
inarticulate noise in his throat like a man imperfectly stunned by a
blow on the head. It was pitiful.
‘I didn’t catch up again with him till well outside the gate. I had even
to trot a bit at the last, but when, out of breath at his elbow, I taxed
him with running away, he said, “Never!” and at once turned at bay. I
explained I never meant to say he was running away from _me_. “From no
man--from not a single man on earth,” he affirmed with a stubborn mien.
I forbore to point out the one obvious exception which would hold good
for the bravest of us; I thought he would find out by himself very soon.
He looked at me patiently while I was thinking of something to say, but
I could find nothing on the spur of the moment, and he began to walk on.
I kept up, and anxious not to lose him, I said hurriedly that I couldn’t
think of leaving him under a false impression of my--of my--I stammered.
The stupidity of the phrase appalled me while I was trying to finish
it, but the power of sentences has nothing to do with their sense or the