Martin Chuzzlewit
over the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn with a rusty
noise, as if the weather had made the very fastenings hoarse, and a
small boy with a large red head, and no nose to speak of, and a very
dirty Wellington boot on his left arm, appeared; who (being surprised)
rubbed the nose just mentioned with the back of a shoe-brush, and said
nothing.
‘Still a-bed my man?’ asked Mr Pecksniff.
‘Still a-bed!’ replied the boy. ‘I wish they wos still a-bed. They’re
very noisy a-bed; all calling for their boots at once. I thought you
was the Paper, and wondered why you didn’t shove yourself through the
grating as usual. What do you want?’
Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to have
preferred this question sternly, and in something of a defiant manner.
But Mr Pecksniff, without taking umbrage at his bearing put a card
in his hand, and bade him take that upstairs, and show them in the
meanwhile into a room where there was a fire.
‘Or if there’s one in the eating parlour,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘I can
find it myself.’ So he led his daughters, without waiting for any
further introduction, into a room on the ground-floor, where a
table-cloth (rather a tight and scanty fit in reference to the table it
covered) was already spread for breakfast; displaying a mighty dish of
pink boiled beef; an instance of that particular style of loaf which
is known to housekeepers as a slack-baked, crummy quartern; a liberal
provision of cups and saucers; and the usual appendages.
Inside the fender were some half-dozen pairs of shoes and boots, of
various sizes, just cleaned and turned with the soles upwards to dry;
and a pair of short black gaiters, on one of which was chalked--in
sport, it would appear, by some gentleman who had slipped down for the
purpose, pending his toilet, and gone up again--‘Jinkins’s Particular,’
while the other exhibited a sketch in profile, claiming to be the
portrait of Jinkins himself.
M. Todgers’s Commercial Boarding-House was a house of that sort which is
likely to be dark at any time; but that morning it was especially dark.
There was an odd smell in the passage, as if the concentrated essence of
all the dinners that had been cooked in the kitchen since the house was
built, lingered at the top of the kitchen stairs to that hour, and like
the Black Friar in Don Juan, ‘wouldn’t be driven away.’ In particular,
there was a sensation of cabbage; as if all the greens that had ever
been boiled there, were evergreens, and flourished in immortal strength.
The parlour was wainscoted, and communicated to strangers a magnetic
and instinctive consciousness of rats and mice. The staircase was very
gloomy and very broad, with balustrades so thick and heavy that they
would have served for a bridge. In a sombre corner on the first landing,
stood a gruff old giant of a clock, with a preposterous coronet of three
brass balls on his head; whom few had ever seen--none ever looked in the
face--and who seemed to continue his heavy tick for no other reason than
to warn heedless people from running into him accidentally. It had not
been papered or painted, hadn’t Todgers’s, within the memory of man. It
was very black, begrimed, and mouldy. And, at the top of the staircase,
was an old, disjointed, rickety, ill-favoured skylight, patched
and mended in all kinds of ways, which looked distrustfully down at
everything that passed below, and covered Todgers’s up as if it were a
sort of human cucumber-frame, and only people of a peculiar growth were
reared there.
Mr Pecksniff and his fair daughters had not stood warming themselves at
the fire ten minutes, when the sound of feet was heard upon the stairs,
and the presiding deity of the establishment came hurrying in.
M. Todgers was a lady, rather a bony and hard-featured lady, with a row
of curls in front of her head, shaped like little barrels of beer;
and on the top of it something made of net--you couldn’t call it a cap
exactly--which looked like a black cobweb. She had a little basket on
her arm, and in it a bunch of keys that jingled as she came. In her
other hand she bore a flaming tallow candle, which, after surveying Mr
Pecksniff for one instant by its light, she put down upon the table, to
the end that she might receive him with the greater cordiality.
‘Mr Pecksniff!’ cried Mrs Todgers. ‘Welcome to London! Who would have
thought of such a visit as this, after so--dear, dear!--so many years!
How do you DO, Mr Pecksniff?’
‘As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;’ Mr Pecksniff made
response. ‘Why, you are younger than you used to be!’
‘YOU are, I am sure!’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘You’re not a bit changed.’
‘What do you say to this?’ cried Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand
towards the young ladies. ‘Does this make me no older?’
‘Not your daughters!’ exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and clasping
them. ‘Oh, no, Mr Pecksniff! Your second, and her bridesmaid!’
Mr Pecksniff smiled complacently; shook his head; and said, ‘My
daughters, Mrs Todgers. Merely my daughters.’
‘Ah!’ sighed the good lady, ‘I must believe you, for now I look at ‘em
I think I should have known ‘em anywhere. My dear Miss Pecksniffs, how
happy your Pa has made me!’
She hugged them both; and being by this time overpowered by her feelings
or the inclemency of the morning, jerked a little pocket handkerchief
out of the little basket, and applied the same to her face.
‘Now, my good madam,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘I know the rules of your
establishment, and that you only receive gentlemen boarders. But
it occurred to me, when I left home, that perhaps you would give my
daughters house room, and make an exception in their favour.’
‘Perhaps?’ cried Mrs Todgers ecstatically. ‘Perhaps?’
‘I may say then, that I was sure you would,’ said Mr Pecksniff. ‘I
know that you have a little room of your own, and that they can be
comfortable there, without appearing at the general table.’
‘Dear girls!’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘I must take that liberty once more.’
Mrs Todgers meant by this that she must embrace them once more, which
she accordingly did with great ardour. But the truth was that the house
being full with the exception of one bed, which would now be occupied
by Mr Pecksniff, she wanted time for consideration; and so much time too
(for it was a knotty point how to dispose of them), that even when
this second embrace was over, she stood for some moments gazing at the
sisters, with affection beaming in one eye, and calculation shining out
of the other.
‘I think I know how to arrange it,’ said Mrs Todgers, at length. ‘A sofa
bedstead in the little third room which opens from my own parlour.--Oh,
you dear girls!’
Thereupon she embraced them once more, observing that she could not
decide which was most like their poor mother (which was highly probable,
seeing that she had never beheld that lady), but that she rather thought
the youngest was; and then she said that as the gentlemen would be down
directly, and the ladies were fatigued with travelling, would they step
into her room at once?
It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had,
as Mrs Todgers said, the great advantage (in London) of not being
overlooked; as they would see when the fog cleared off. Nor was this
a vainglorious boast, for it commanded at a perspective of two feet,
a brown wall with a black cistern on the top. The sleeping apartment
designed for the young ladies was approached from this chamber by a
mightily convenient little door, which would only open when fallen
against by a strong person. It commanded from a similar point of sight
another angle of the wall, and another side of the cistern. ‘Not the
damp side,’ said Mrs Todgers. ‘THAT is Mr Jinkins’s.’
In the first of these sanctuaries a fire was speedily kindled by the
youthful porter, who, whistling at his work in the absence of Mrs
Todgers (not to mention his sketching figures on his corduroys with
burnt firewood), and being afterwards taken by that lady in the fact,
was dismissed with a box on his ears. Having prepared breakfast for the
young ladies with her own hands, she withdrew to preside in the other
room; where the joke at Mr Jinkins’s expense seemed to be proceeding
rather noisily.
‘I won’t ask you yet, my dears,’ said Mr Pecksniff, looking in at the
door, ‘how you like London. Shall I?’
‘We haven’t seen much of it, Pa!’ cried Merry.
‘Nothing, I hope,’ said Cherry. (Both very miserably.)
‘Indeed,’ said Mr Pecksniff, ‘that’s true. We have our pleasure, and our
business too, before us. All in good time. All in good time!’
Whether Mr Pecksniff’s business in London was as strictly professional
as he had given his new pupil to understand, we shall see, to adopt that
worthy man’s phraseology, ‘all in good time.’
CHAPTER NINE
TOWN AND TODGER’S
Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the
world, such a singular sort of a place as Todgers’s. And surely London,
to judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers’s round and hustled
it, and crushed it, and stuck its brick-and-mortar elbows into it, and
kept the air from it, and stood perpetually between it and the
light, was worthy of Todgers’s, and qualified to be on terms of close
relationship and alliance with hundreds and thousands of the odd family
to which Todgers’s belonged.
You couldn’t walk about Todgers’s neighbourhood, as you could in any
other neighbourhood. You groped your way for an hour through lanes and
byways, and court-yards, and passages; and you never once emerged upon
anything that might be reasonably called a street. A kind of resigned
distraction came over the stranger as he trod those devious mazes, and,
giving himself up for lost, went in and out and round about and quietly
turned back again when he came to a dead wall or was stopped by an
iron railing, and felt that the means of escape might possibly present
themselves in their own good time, but that to anticipate them was
hopeless. Instances were known of people who, being asked to dine at
Todgers’s, had travelled round and round for a weary time, with its very
chimney-pots in view; and finding it, at last, impossible of attainment,
had gone home again with a gentle melancholy on their spirits,
tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found Todgers’s on a verbal
direction, though given within a few minutes’ walk of it. Cautious
emigrants from Scotland or the North of England had been known to reach
it safely, by impressing a charity-boy, town-bred, and bringing him
along with them; or by clinging tenaciously to the postman; but these
were rare exceptions, and only went to prove the rule that Todgers’s was
in a labyrinth, whereof the mystery was known but to a chosen few.
Several fruit-brokers had their marts near Todgers’s; and one of the
first impressions wrought upon the stranger’s senses was of oranges--of
damaged oranges--with blue and green bruises on them, festering in
boxes, or mouldering away in cellars. All day long, a stream of porters
from the wharves beside the river, each bearing on his back a bursting
chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow passages; while
underneath the archway by the public-house, the knots of those who
rested and regaled within, were piled from morning until night. Strange
solitary pumps were found near Todgers’s hiding themselves for the most
part in blind alleys, and keeping company with fire-ladders. There were
churches also by dozens, with many a ghostly little churchyard, all
overgrown with such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously
from damp, and graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingy
resting-places which bore much the same analogy to green churchyards,
as the pots of earth for mignonette and wall-flower in the windows