Martin Chuzzlewit
patients detailed their symptoms, which inspired great confidence. It
seemed to express, ‘I know what you’re going to say better than you do;
but go on, go on.’ As he talked on all occasions whether he had anything
to say or not, it was unanimously observed of him that he was ‘full of
anecdote;’ and his experience and profit from it were considered, for
the same reason, to be something much too extensive for description. His
female patients could never praise him too highly; and the coldest of
his male admirers would always say this for him to their friends, ‘that
whatever Jobling’s professional skill might be (and it could not be
denied that he had a very high reputation), he was one of the most
comfortable fellows you ever saw in your life!’
Jobling was for many reasons, and not last in the list because his
connection lay principally among tradesmen and their families, exactly
the sort of person whom the Anglo-Bengalee Company wanted for a medical
officer. But Jobling was far too knowing to connect himself with the
company in any closer ties than as a paid (and well paid) functionary,
or to allow his connection to be misunderstood abroad, if he could help
it. Hence he always stated the case to an inquiring patient, after this
manner:
‘Why, my dear sir, with regard to the Anglo-Bengalee, my information,
you see, is limited; very limited. I am the medical officer, in
consideration of a certain monthly payment. The labourer is worthy of
his hire; BIS DAT QUI CITO DAT’--[‘classical scholar, Jobling!’ thinks
the patient, ‘well-read man!’)--‘and I receive it regularly. Therefore
I am bound, so far as my own knowledge goes, to speak well of the
establishment.’ [‘Nothing can be fairer than Jobling’s conduct,’ thinks
the patient, who has just paid Jobling’s bill himself.) ‘If you put
any question to me, my dear friend,’ says the doctor, ‘touching the
responsibility or capital of the company, there I am at fault; for I
have no head for figures, and not being a shareholder, am delicate of
showing any curiosity whatever on the subject. Delicacy--your
amiable lady will agree with me I am sure--should be one of the first
characteristics of a medical man.’ [‘Nothing can be finer or more
gentlemanly than Jobling’s feeling,’ thinks the patient.) ‘Very good,
my dear sir, so the matter stands. You don’t know Mr Montague? I’m sorry
for it. A remarkably handsome man, and quite the gentleman in every
respect. Property, I am told, in India. House and everything belonging
to him, beautiful. Costly furniture on the most elegant and lavish
scale. And pictures, which, even in an anatomical point of view, are
perfection. In case you should ever think of doing anything with the
company, I’ll pass you, you may depend upon it. I can conscientiously
report you a healthy subject. If I understand any man’s constitution, it
is yours; and this little indisposition has done him more good,
ma’am,’ says the doctor, turning to the patient’s wife, ‘than if he had
swallowed the contents of half the nonsensical bottles in my surgery.
For they ARE nonsense--to tell the honest truth, one half of them are
nonsense--compared with such a constitution as his!’ [‘Jobling is the
most friendly creature I ever met with in my life,’ thinks the patient;
‘and upon my word and honour, I’ll consider of it!’)
‘Commission to you, doctor, on four new policies, and a loan this
morning, eh?’ said Crimple, looking, when they had finished lunch, over
some papers brought in by the porter. ‘Well done!’
‘Jobling, my dear friend,’ said Tigg, ‘long life to you.’
‘No, no. Nonsense. Upon my word I’ve no right to draw the commission,’
said the doctor, ‘I haven’t really. It’s picking your pocket. I don’t
recommend anybody here. I only say what I know. My patients ask me what
I know, and I tell ‘em what I know. Nothing else. Caution is my weak
side, that’s the truth; and always was from a boy. That is,’ said the
doctor, filling his glass, ‘caution in behalf of other people. Whether I
would repose confidence in this company myself, if I had not been paying
money elsewhere for many years--that’s quite another question.’
He tried to look as if there were no doubt about it; but feeling that he
did it but indifferently, changed the theme and praised the wine.
‘Talking of wine,’ said the doctor, ‘reminds me of one of the finest
glasses of light old port I ever drank in my life; and that was at a
funeral. You have not seen anything of--of THAT party, Mr Montague, have
you?’ handing him a card.
‘He is not buried, I hope?’ said Tigg, as he took it. ‘The honour of his
company is not requested if he is.’
‘Ha, ha!’ laughed the doctor. ‘No; not quite. He was honourably
connected with that very occasion though.’
‘Oh!’ said Tigg, smoothing his moustache, as he cast his eyes upon the
name. ‘I recollect. No. He has not been here.’
The words were on his lips, when Bullamy entered, and presented a card
to the Medical Officer.
‘Talk of the what’s his name--’ observed the doctor rising.
‘And he’s sure to appear, eh?’ said Tigg.
‘Why, no, Mr Montague, no,’ returned the doctor. ‘We will not say that
in the present case, for this gentleman is very far from it.’
‘So much the better,’ retorted Tigg. ‘So much the more adaptable to the
Anglo-Bengalee. Bullamy, clear the table and take the things out by the
other door. Mr Crimple, business.’
‘Shall I introduce him?’ asked Jobling.
‘I shall be eternally delighted,’ answered Tigg, kissing his hand and
smiling sweetly.
The doctor disappeared into the outer office, and immediately returned
with Jonas Chuzzlewit.
‘Mr Montague,’ said Jobling. ‘Allow me. My friend Mr Chuzzlewit. My dear
friend--our chairman. Now do you know,’ he added checking himself with
infinite policy, and looking round with a smile; ‘that’s a very singular
instance of the force of example. It really is a very remarkable
instance of the force of example. I say OUR chairman. Why do I say our
chairman? Because he is not MY chairman, you know. I have no connection
with the company, farther than giving them, for a certain fee and
reward, my poor opinion as a medical man, precisely as I may give it any
day to Jack Noakes or Tom Styles. Then why do I say our chairman? Simply
because I hear the phrase constantly repeated about me. Such is the
involuntary operation of the mental faculty in the imitative biped man.
Mr Crimple, I believe you never take snuff? Injudicious. You should.’
Pending these remarks on the part of the doctor, and the lengthened and
sonorous pinch with which he followed them up, Jonas took a seat at
the board; as ungainly a man as ever he has been within the reader’s
knowledge. It is too common with all of us, but it is especially in
the nature of a mean mind, to be overawed by fine clothes and fine
furniture. They had a very decided influence on Jonas.
‘Now you two gentlemen have business to discuss, I know,’ said the
doctor, ‘and your time is precious. So is mine; for several lives are
waiting for me in the next room, and I have a round of visits to make
after--after I have taken ‘em. Having had the happiness to introduce you
to each other, I may go about my business. Good-bye. But allow me, Mr
Montague, before I go, to say this of my friend who sits beside you:
That gentleman has done more, sir,’ rapping his snuff-box solemnly, ‘to
reconcile me to human nature, than any man alive or dead. Good-bye!’
With these words Jobling bolted abruptly out of the room, and proceeded
in his own official department, to impress the lives in waiting with a
sense of his keen conscientiousness in the discharge of his duty, and
the great difficulty of getting into the Anglo-Bengalee; by feeling
their pulses, looking at their tongues, listening at their ribs,
poking them in the chest, and so forth; though, if he didn’t well know
beforehand that whatever kind of lives they were, the Anglo-Bengalee
would accept them readily, he was far from being the Jobling that his
friend considered him; and was not the original Jobling, but a spurious
imitation.
Mr Crimple also departed on the business of the morning; and Jonas
Chuzzlewit and Tigg were left alone.
‘I learn from our friend,’ said Tigg, drawing his chair towards Jonas
with a winning ease of manner, ‘that you have been thinking--’
‘Oh! Ecod then he’d no right to say so,’ cried Jonas, interrupting.
‘I didn’t tell HIM my thoughts. If he took it into his head that I was
coming here for such or such a purpose, why, that’s his lookout. I don’t
stand committed by that.’
Jonas said this offensively enough; for over and above the habitual
distrust of his character, it was in his nature to seek to revenge
himself on the fine clothes and the fine furniture, in exact proportion
as he had been unable to withstand their influence.
‘If I come here to ask a question or two, and get a document or two to
consider of, I don’t bind myself to anything. Let’s understand that, you
know,’ said Jonas.
‘My dear fellow!’ cried Tigg, clapping him on the shoulder, ‘I applaud
your frankness. If men like you and I speak openly at first, all
possible misunderstanding is avoided. Why should I disguise what you
know so well, but what the crowd never dream of? We companies are all
birds of prey; mere birds of prey. The only question is, whether in
serving our own turn, we can serve yours too; whether in double-lining
our own nest, we can put a single living into yours. Oh, you’re in our
secret. You’re behind the scenes. We’ll make a merit of dealing plainly
with you, when we know we can’t help it.’
It was remarked, on the first introduction of Mr Jonas into these pages,
that there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity of
innocence, and that in all matters involving a faith in knavery, he was
the most credulous of men. If Mr Tigg had preferred any claim to high
and honourable dealing, Jonas would have suspected him though he had
been a very model of probity; but when he gave utterance to Jonas’s own
thoughts of everything and everybody, Jonas began to feel that he was a
pleasant fellow, and one to be talked to freely.
He changed his position in the chair, not for a less awkward, but for a
more boastful attitude; and smiling in his miserable conceit rejoined:
‘You an’t a bad man of business, Mr Montague. You know how to set about
it, I WILL say.’
‘Tut, tut,’ said Tigg, nodding confidentially, and showing his white
teeth; ‘we are not children, Mr Chuzzlewit; we are grown men, I hope.’
Jonas assented, and said after a short silence, first spreading out his
legs, and sticking one arm akimbo to show how perfectly at home he was,
‘The truth is--’
‘Don’t say, the truth,’ interposed Tigg, with another grin. ‘It’s so
like humbug.’
Greatly charmed by this, Jonas began again.
‘The long and the short of it is--’
‘Better,’ muttered Tigg. ‘Much better!’
‘--That I didn’t consider myself very well used by one or two of the old
companies in some negotiations I have had with ‘em--once had, I mean.
They started objections they had no right to start, and put questions
they had no right to put, and carried things much too high for my
taste.’
As he made these observations he cast down his eyes, and looked
curiously at the carpet. Mr Tigg looked curiously at him.
He made so long a pause, that Tigg came to the rescue, and said, in his
pleasantest manner:
‘Take a glass of wine.’
‘No, no,’ returned Jonas, with a cunning shake of the head; ‘none of
that, thankee. No wine over business. All very well for you, but it
wouldn’t do for me.’
‘What an old hand you are, Mr Chuzzlewit!’ said Tigg, leaning back in
his chair, and leering at him through his half-shut eyes.
Jonas shook his head again, as much as to say, ‘You’re right there;’ And
then resumed, jocosely: