Tartuffe; Or, The Hypocrite
And that a sudden knowledge of that sort
Might set back your hopes of his lasting support?
Tartuffe. I know that you are only too gracious
And that you will forgive my audacious
Deeds since they spring from a human failing
In that passionate love that you are bewailing,
And that you will reflect when you view things afresh
That I am not blind, and a man's only flesh.
Elmire. Others might take things differently, I suppose,
But discretion prevails, and I won't expose
This matter to my spouse. In return, it's true,
I do want one little favor from you:
To push forward without any sly snare
The wedding of Mariane and Valere,
To renounce on your own the unjust power
That would enrich you with another's dower,
And . . .
SCENE IV
Elmire, Damis, Tartuffe
Damis [coming out of the closet in which he was hiding]. No, madam, no. All this must be exposed.
By hiding here I've heard all he proposed,
And God in His goodness has guided me
To confound this noisome bastard's treachery,
To discover a way to take my vengeance
For his hypocrisy and insolence,
To wake up my father, and to justly screw
This scumbag who wants to make love to you.
Elmire. No, Damis. It's enough if he has striven
To reform and merit the pardon I've given.
Don't make me retract what I have avowed.
I don't choose to discuss scandal out loud:
A woman laughs at these masculine foibles,
And never plagues her mate with paltry troubles.
Damis. You have your own reasons for acting so,
And I have reasons for my quid-pro-quo.
The very thought of sparing him is a joke,
And the insolent pride of this base bloke
Has triumphed too often over my just wrath,
And has sown too much trouble along my path.
For too long that liar has ruled my old man
Blocking both my love and that of Mariane.
His perfidy must be brought to light of day,
And for that God gives us a ready way.
For this occasion I thank the good Lord;
It is far too lucky to be ignored.
The only way to deserve to lose it
Is to have it in hand and not to use it.
Elmire. But Damis . . .
Damis. No, please, my mind is made up.
It is time to rejoice and fill up the cup,
And you're trying in vain to obligate me
To give up the pleasure of my victory.
I'm going to expose this affair without delay;
This is just the thing that will make my day.
SCENE V
Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe, Elmire
Damis. Father, it may surprise . . . and amuse you greatly . . .
To hear the news of what's gone on lately.
You're being well paid for all your caresses
By your friend's response to those tendernesses.
His great love for you has shown its hold
Through his eagerness to make you a cuckold.
And I heard him here confess to your bride
A love that has made him heart-sick and dove-eyed.
At all costs she wants to remain discreet
And preserve his secret--because she's sweet--
But I cannot bear the man's impudence
And think that my silence would cause you offense.
Elmire. Yes, I would never disturb my husband's rest
By reporting the words of silly pest.
My honor does not depend on such a thing
Since I'm well able to resist flattering.
You wouldn't have spoken out against my view
If I had any power over you.
SCENE VI
Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe
Orgon. What do I hear? Good God! Is it credible?
Tartuffe. Yes, brother, I'm wicked and culpable,
A sorry sinner, full of iniquity,
As great a wretch as there ever could be.
My entire life has been soiled with evil;
It's nothing but a mass of sinful upheaval.
And I see that God has, for my punishment,
Chosen to mortify me with this event.
Let them connect any crime with my name;
I waive all defense and take all the blame.
Believe what they tell you, stoke up your wrath,
And drive me like a felon from your path.
The shame that I bear cannot be too great,
For I know I deserve a much worse fate.
Orgon [to his son]. Traitor! Do you dare, by your duplicity,
To taint both his virtue and purity?
Damis. What? Can the false meekness of this hypocrite
Cause you to belie . . .
Orgon. Shut up, you misfit.
Tartuffe. Oh, let him go on. You are wrong to scold,
And you'd be wise to believe the story he's told.
In light of his claims, why should you favor me?
What do you know of my culpability?
Why put your faith in my exterior?
Why should you think that I'm superior?
No, no, appearances are fooling you,
I am the kind of man you should eschew.
The whole world thinks that I have earned God's blessing,
But the plain truth is . . . that I'm worth nothing.
[Addressing Damis]
Yes, my dear son, speak. And don't merely chide.
Accuse me of treason, theft, and homicide.
Call me every foul name you can recall.
I deny nothing. I merit it all.
And I beg on my knees to bear this chagrin
As the shameful result of my life of sin.
Orgon [To Tartuffe]. That's too much, brother. [To his son] Why can't you let go,
Scoundrel?
Damis. What! Have his words seduced you so . . .
Orgon Keep quiet, you bum! [To Tartuffe]. Brother, please arise.
[To his son]. Shame!
Damis. He can . . .
Orgon. Silence!
Damis. Damn! Do you surmise . . .
Orgon. If you say one word, I will break your arm.
Tartuffe. In the name of God, brother, do no harm.
I would rather face a ravening beast
Than that your dear son should be harmed in the least.
Orgon [to his son]. Ingrate!
Tartuffe. Leave him in peace. On my two knees
I beg you to give him your grace . . .
Orgon [throwing himself to his knees and embracing Tartuffe]. Don't! Please!
[To his son] Wretch, see his goodness.
Damis. Then . . .
Orgon. Shhh!
Damis. I . . .
Orgon. Cease, I say.
I'm aware of your motive in this foray:
You all hate him, and now I see how my wife,
Children, and maid conspire against his life.
You impudently try every trick you can
To alienate me from this holy man,
But the harder you try to drive him away,
The harder I'll try to get him to stay.
And I'll hasten his marriage to Mariane
To demolish the pride of this whole clan.
Damis. So you will force her to marry this fellow?
Orgon. Yes, this very night, to see you bellow.
I defy you all, and stand here to say
I am the master and you must obey.
Come now. Retract your words, oh foul pollution!
Throw yourself down and demand absolution.
Damis. Who, me? Of that villain, by whose pretense . . .
Orgon. So you refuse, you scum, and your impertinence
Persists? [To Tartuffe] A stick! A staff! Don't hold me back.
[To his son] Get out of my house and don't even pack,
And never again let me see your face.
Damis. Yes, I will go, but . . .
Orgon. Quickly! Leave this place.
I am cutting you off and what is worse
I am leaving you with my heart-felt curse.
SCENE VII
Orgon, Tartuffe
Orgon. To offend in that way a saintly man!
Tartuffe. Heavenly Lord pardon him if you can.
[To Orgon.] If you only knew with what pain
I see them trying to blacken my name. . . .
Orgon. Alas!
Tartuffe. The mere thought of this ingratitude
Makes me suffer from a torture so crude . . .
The horror I feel . . . My soul longs to cry . . .
I can't even speak, and I'm sure I will die.
Orgon [He runs weeping to the door through which he had chased his son.] Villain! How I regret that I held my hand
And that I did not crush you where you stand.
[To Tartuffe.] Calm yourself, brother and try not to fret.
Tartuffe. Let's stop these squabbles that end in regret.
The great friction I have caused makes me grieve,
And I believe, brother, that I should leave.
Orgon. What? Surely you jest?
Tartuffe. They hate me and I see
That they want you to doubt my integrity.
Orgon. Who cares! Do you think I'll listen to them?
Tartuffe. No doubt they'll continue their stratagem;
And the same tales that you reject today
You may find credible some other day.
Orgon. No, brother, never.
Tartuffe. Ah, brother, a man's mate
Can easily make her spouse speculate.
Orgon. No, no.
Tartuffe. Let me leave here at once and so
Escape the threat of another low blow.
Orgon. No, please remain. I can't live without you.
Tartuffe. Well! I suppose I will suffer if I do.
Still, if you wish . . .
Orgon. Oh!
Tartuffe. All right! It's a pact.
But in future I know how I must act.
Honor is tender, and friendship engages
Me to prevent gossip--however outrageous.
I'll avoid your wife and you will not see me . . .
Orgon. No, in spite of everyone, you and she
Must often meet. I love to make a stir,
So day and night let them see you with her.
No, that's not enough, but this will make them stew:
I don't want to have any heir but you,
And I'm going to legally designate
You as the owner of my whole estate.
A frank and true friend, whom I take as my son,
Is dearer to me than my wife or children.
Will you accept the offer I am making?
Tartuffe. May God's will be done in this undertaking!
Orgon. Poor man! Let's quickly put it all in writing,
And let their envy choke on its own spiting.
ACT IV
SCENE I
Cleante, Tartuffe
Cleante. Yes, the whole town is talking about it,
And they don't think it does you much credit.
And I've sought you out, sir, just for the sake
Of telling you bluntly what I think's at stake.
I'm not going to dredge up the whole dispute;
The fact is Damis is in disrepute.
Supposing that he did act like a fool
And that you are unfairly being called cruel,
Shouldn't a Christian pardon the offense
And purge his soul of desire for vengeance?
And should you permit him, for this one goof,
To be driven away from his father's roof?
I'll tell you again, and I'll be bold:
You are scandalizing both young and old.
If you take my advice, you will seek a truce
And not be a party to this boy's abuse.
Make an offering to God of your acrimony,
And restore the son to his patrimony.
Tartuffe. Alas! As for myself, I seek that solace:
I do not have for him the slightest malice;
I wholly forgive him of any blame,
And long to restore him to his good name.
But in the service of God I can't permit
It, for if he remains I shall have to quit
This house. No prior offense holds a candle