The Social Cancer: A Complete English Version of Noli Me Tangere
bold as to call you together here for this meeting--ahem! Ahem! We
have to celebrate the fiesta of our patron saint, San Diego, on the
twelfth of this month--ahem!--today is the second--ahem! Ahem!" At
this point a slow, dry cough cut off his speech.
A man of proud bearing, apparently about forty years of age, then
arose from the bench of the elders. He was the rich Capitan Basilio,
the direct contrast of Don Rafael, Ibarra's father. He was a man who
maintained that after the death of St. Thomas Aquinas the world had
made no more progress, and that since St. John Lateran had left it,
humanity had been retrograding.
"Gentlemen, allow me to speak a few words about such an interesting
matter," he began. "I speak first even though there are others here
present who have more right to do so than I have, but I speak first
because in these matters it seems to me that by speaking first one
does not take the first place--no more than that by speaking last does
one become the least. Besides, the things that I have to say are of
such importance that they should not be put off or last spoken of, and
accordingly I wish to speak first in order to give them due weight. So
you will allow me to speak first in this meeting where I see so many
notable persons, such as the present señor capitan, the former capitan;
my distinguished friend, Don Valentin, a former capitan; the friend
of my infancy, Don Julio; our celebrated captain of cuadrilleros,
Don Melchor; and many other personages, whom, for the sake of brevity,
I must omit to enumerate--all of whom you see present here. I beg of
you that I may be allowed a few words before any one else speaks. Have
I the good fortune to see my humble request granted by the meeting?"
Here the orator with a faint smile inclined his head respectfully. "Go
on, you have our undivided attention!" said the notables alluded to and
some others who considered Capitan Basilio a great orator. The elders
coughed in a satisfied way and rubbed their hands. After wiping the
perspiration from his brow with a silk handkerchief, he then proceeded:
"Now that you have been so kind and complaisant with my humble self as
to grant me the use of a few words before any one else of those here
present, I shall take advantage of this permission, so generously
granted, and shall talk. In imagination I fancy myself in the midst
of the august Roman senate, _senatus populusque romanus_, as was said
in those happy days which, unfortunately for humanity, will nevermore
return. I propose to the _Patres Conscripti_, as the learned Cicero
would say if he were in my place, I propose, in view of the short time
left, and time is money as Solomon said, that concerning this important
matter each one set forth his opinion clearly, briefly, and simply."
Satisfied with himself and flattered by the attention in the hall, the
orator took his seat, not without first casting a glance of superiority
toward Ibarra, who was seated in a corner, and a significant look at
his friends as if to say, "Aha! Haven't I spoken well?" His friends
reflected both of these expressions by staring at the youths as though
to make them die of envy.
"Now any one may speak who wishes that--ahem!" began the
gobernadorcillo, but a repetition of the cough and sighs cut short
the phrase.
To judge from the silence, no one wished to consider himself called
upon as one of the Conscript Fathers, since no one rose. Then Don
Filipo seized the opportunity and rose to speak. The conservatives
winked and made significant signs to each other.
"I rise, gentlemen, to present my estimate of expenses for the fiesta,"
he began. "We can't allow it," commented a consumptive old man,
who was an irreconcilable conservative.
"We'll vote against it," corroborated others. "Gentlemen!" exclaimed
Don Filipo, repressing a smile, "I haven't yet made known the plan
which we, _the younger men_, bring here. We feel _sure_ that this
great plan will be preferred by all over any other that our opponents
think of or are capable of conceiving."
This presumptuous exordium so thoroughly irritated the minds of the
conservatives that they swore in their hearts to offer determined
opposition.
"We have estimated three thousand five hundred pesos for the expenses,"
went on Don Filipo. "Now then, with such a sum we shall be able to
celebrate a fiesta that will eclipse in magnificence any that has
been seen up to this time in our own or neighboring provinces."
"Ahem!" coughed some doubters. "The town of A---- has five thousand,
B---- has four thousand, ahem! Humbug!"
"Listen to me, gentlemen, and I'll convince you," continued the
unterrified speaker. "I propose that we erect a theater in the middle
of the plaza, to cost one hundred and fifty pesos."
"That won't be enough! It'll take one hundred and sixty," objected
a confirmed conservative.
"Write it down, Señor Director, two hundred pesos for the theater,"
said Don Filipo. "I further propose that we contract with a troupe
of comedians from Tondo for seven performances on seven successive
nights. Seven performances at two hundred pesos a night make fourteen
hundred pesos. Write down fourteen hundred pesos, Señor Director!"
Both the elders and the youths stared in amazement. Only those in
the secret gave no sign.
"I propose besides that we have magnificent fireworks; no little
lights and pin-wheels such as please children and old maids, nothing
of the sort. We want big bombs and immense rockets. I propose two
hundred big bombs at two pesos each and two hundred rockets at the
same price. We'll have them made by the pyrotechnists of Malabon."
"Huh!" grunted an old man, "a two-peso bomb doesn't frighten or deafen
me! They ought to be three-peso ones."
"Write down one thousand pesos for two hundred bombs and two hundred
rockets."
The conservatives could no longer restrain themselves. Some of them
rose and began to whisper together. "Moreover, in order that our
visitors may see that we are a liberal people and have plenty of
money," continued the speaker, raising his voice and casting a rapid
glance at the whispering group of elders, "I propose: first, four
_hermanos mayores_ [68] for the two days of the fiesta; and second,
that each day there be thrown into the lake two hundred fried chickens,
one hundred stuffed capons, and forty roast pigs, as did Sylla,
a contemporary of that Cicero, of whom Capitan Basilio just spoke."
"That's it, like Sylla," repeated the flattered Capitan Basilio.
The surprise steadily increased.
"Since many rich people will attend and each one will bring thousands
of pesos, his best game-cocks, and his playing-cards, I propose that
the cockpit run for fifteen days and that license be granted to open
all gambling houses--"
The youths interrupted him by rising, thinking that he had gone
crazy. The elders were arguing heatedly.
"And, finally, that we may not neglect the pleasures of the soul--"
The murmurs and cries which arose all over the hall drowned his voice
out completely, and tumult reigned.
"No!" yelled an irreconcilable conservative. "I don't want him to
flatter himself over having run the whole fiesta, no! Let me speak! Let
me speak!"
"Don Filipo has deceived us," cried the liberals. "We'll vote against
his plan. He has gone over to the old men. We'll vote against him!"
The gobernadorcillo, more overwhelmed than ever, did nothing to restore
order, but rather was waiting for them to restore it themselves.
The captain of the cuadrilleros begged to be heard and was granted
permission to speak, but he did not open his mouth and sat down again
confused and ashamed.
By good fortune, Capitan Valentin, the most moderate of all
the conservatives, arose and said: "We cannot agree to what the
teniente-mayor has proposed, as it appears to be exaggerated. So many
bombs and so many nights of theatrical performances can only be desired
by a young man, such as he is, who can spend night after night sitting
up and listening to so many explosions without becoming deaf. I have
consulted the opinion of the sensible persons here and all of them
unanimously disapprove Don Filipo's plan. Is it not so, gentlemen?"
"Yes, yes!" cried the youths and elders with one voice. The youths
were delighted to hear an old man speak so.
"What are we going to do with four _hermanos mayores?_" went on the old
man. "What is the meaning of those chickens, capons, and roast pigs,
thrown into the lake? 'Humbug!' our neighbors would say. And afterwards
we should have to fast for six months! What have we to do with Sylla
and the Romans? Have they ever invited us to any of their festivities,
I wonder? I, at least, have never received any invitation from them,
and you can all see that I'm an old man!"
"The Romans live in Rome, where the Pope is," Capitan Basilio prompted
him in a low voice. "Now I understand!" exclaimed the old man calmly.
"They would make of their festivals watch-meetings, and the Pope
would order them to throw their food into the sea so that they might
commit no sin. But, in spite of all that, your plan is inadmissible,
impossible, a piece of foolishness!"
Being so stoutly opposed, Don Filipo had to withdraw his proposal. Now
that their chief rival had been defeated, even the worst of the
irreconcilable insurgents looked on with calmness while a young cabeza
de barangay asked for the floor.
"I beg that you excuse the boldness of one so young as I am in
daring to speak before so many persons respected for their age and
prudence and judgment in affairs, but since the eloquent orator,
Capitan Basilio, has requested every one to express his opinion,
let the authoritative words spoken by him excuse my insignificance."
The conservatives nodded their heads with satisfaction, remarking
to one another: "This young man talks sensibly." "He's modest." "He
reasons admirably."
"What a pity that he doesn't know very well how to gesticulate,"
observed Capitan Basilio. "But there's time yet! He hasn't studied
Cicero and he's still a young man!"
"If I present to you, gentlemen, any program or plan," the young
man continued, "I don't do so with the thought that you will find
it perfect or that you will accept it, but at the same time that I
once more bow to the judgment of all of you, I wish to prove to our
elders that our thoughts are always like theirs, since we take as
our own those ideas so eloquently expressed by Capitan Basilio."
"Well spoken! Well spoken!" cried the flattered conservatives. Capitan
Basilio made signs to the speaker showing him how he should stand and
how he ought to move his arm. The only one remaining impassive was the
gobernadorcillo, who was either bewildered or preoccupied; as a matter
of fact, he seemed to be both. The young man went on with more warmth:
"My plan, gentlemen, reduces itself to this: invent new shows that
are not common and ordinary, such as we see every day, and endeavor
that the money collected may not leave the town, and that it be not
wasted in smoke, but that it be used in some manner beneficial to all."
"That's right!" assented the youths. "That's what we want."
"Excellent!" added the elders.
"What should we get from a week of comedies, as the teniente-mayor
proposes? What can we learn from the kings of Bohemia and Granada, who
commanded that their daughters' heads be cut off, or that they should
be blown from a cannon, which later is converted into a throne? We
are not kings, neither are we barbarians; we have no cannon, and if
we should imitate those people, they would hang us on Bagumbayan. What
are those princesses who mingle in the battles, scattering thrusts and
blows about in combat with princes, or who wander alone over mountains
and through valleys as though seduced by the _tikbálang_? Our nature is